Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

As a statement on poverty that is too ridiculous to even discuss.

But in your shoes I would be saving / investing as much as you would have spent in rent or mortgage to give yourselves options when they are older.

In 10 years you may have more income, lower childcare bills, and want to move to give them a bedroom each . Recognising that that is a pretty privileged standard of living.

I presume sharing a room could have something to do with choice or less bedrooms than people which could be for different reasons

So again another example of intellect matching shoe size

I wouldn't say its a sign of poverty in the abstract sense but it is definitely a sign that you have had more children than you can afford.It often maybe a sign of poverty.

Children really need their own room for privacy, their own space and sense of identity as well as avoiding f*cked up psychological issues (inadequacy and chronic competitiveness) arising from fighting for space and attention in a shared space.

If you have the capacity to give them their own room you should do. A guest room at the expense of a childs well being is nuts and selfish.

If it makes you feel better op, growing up I had a friend with a sister two years apart. They were anything but impoverished. In fact, they each had a fabulous big bedroom which an interior designer had decorated (!) with two single beds in each for when they had sleepovers ( and, I guess the designer thought, because the rooms were so huge a lone single bed would have looked lost in it!) Much to their mother’s frustration they insisted on sharing one of the rooms until they were about 12.

I shared a small.box room with my sister and in our case it was a sign of lack of money and poor choices by my parents. Not blaming them....but it was not good as we grew and led to my sister leaving home at 17 to move in with a older man who was a dickhead.

It’s not. We are far from poor. Our D.C. shared a room until they were 10 and 8, boy and a girl and they loved it. Having a proper spare room was very handy as I WFH, our families lived outside the U.K. and would visit for weeks at a time.
They now have their own rooms but still share on holiday etc.
Your friend is daft and at 1 and 3 your kids do not need a room each …

I would imagine it comes from your friend's own issues.

My FIL who shared a room with 4 others as a child (& slept under the coats in winter) would be very concerned about children having to share a room. My mother who fondly remembers being allowed to share with her adored little brother when they went on holiday not so much!

I wouldn’t say it was a sign of poverty. I would say I would choose the four bedroom myself, as your children will want their own rooms as teenagers (and when they are coming home from uni, bringing back girl/boyfriends etc).

If the mortgage isn’t going to be crippling, I would get the bigger house.

Why do you care? Her opinion means absolutely nothing to your situation so I wouldn't even give it one second of consideration.

Absolutely as above

Your friend is a bit dim. I presume they know at least enough about your personal financial situation to know you are not in poverty and as such her comment is an insult to those who genuinely are.

Broadly speaking of course it may be one of the signs that make up the full picture, as many other posters have described.

It’s rude that she said that, and it isn’t true. but I also find it a bit odd you’ve prioritised a guest bedroom over people who actually live in the house.

Yes, I’m in zone 2, I understand this all too well! In your case I’d think obviously you’d be able to sell your property and buy a bigger one further out, I’d probably assume, wrongly in this case, that you couldn’t afford somewhere bigger in the same area though. (In real life though I can’t say I’ve spent much time judging what houses people can afford though!)

Why do you care what other people think?
All siblings are different, many share quite happily. Many don't. Your girls aren't even school age, with a mortgage free house you're in a strong position to move if required later

Bedrooms always become a topic with such wide ranging views.

When I was younger we lived in a 3 bed. I had own room and then sister did. When my brother came along my sister and I shared.

We then moved to a 4 bed. I had a double room, my sister a good sized room and my brother a decent sized small room but nothing to shout home about!

I moved out, shyster and birther went up a room and small became a spare. Sister moved out and brother got the double.

We are all now in our 40's. My married brother still technically has the double room 😂😂 it not officially "his" but my sister and I are 10 minutes from my dad and he's nearly an hour away. So makes sense for him and his wife to stay over when we have family events (Xmas etc).

Ultimately what rooms we had etc haven't been an issue or impacts our futures.

My mum was 1 of 7 in a 3 bed and my dad was an only child.

I would not say having a stable roof over your head is being in 'poverty'. but I think that as children get older (especially the teen years) it is nice for them to have their own space.

Some people I know have had their children share rooms, whilst young but as they become teens divide that room so that each child has their own space.

Haha I saw a comedian joke that her parents each had their own rooms and as a child she thought all her friends were poor because their parents had to share with each other.

My DC have shared by choice since the small one moved out of the nursery (there was an empty bedroom right next door but they liked being together). Now the older one is 10 and does need and want his own space so they will be separate.

I would want DC to have their own rooms if at all possible. It's not a terrible deprivation to share, no, but if there is no choice I don't think it's ideal, especially for tweens and teens.

My son came home from school saying they'd done a project about poverty and had looked at different bedrooms from around the world and discussed poverty and wealth.

Seemingly, by every measure they discussed, we're living in abject poverty. 4 kids in a 4 bed house means the youngest two share. The 5yo insists on sleeping on a mattress on the floor. No tvs/consoles/tech in any bedrooms. Our furniture is largely compiled from various family members - nothing matches, everything is a bit battered round the edges. Oh, and also - my kids have never been abroad and don't even have passports.

We have a household income of £120k. We live in a £800k house in a chocolate box village in the south of England. I promise you, we're not living in poverty.

Maybe....just maybe....your "Friend" is full of Sh*t! Thats quite possible right, so why take any advice from this person on anything. You have to measure a comments relevance before you build a narrative around it. Use your own BS filter. We all have one...and ditch the friend, she sounds arrogant and toxic.

Children each having their own room is a very modern idea. Many siblings prefer to share a room, especially if there isn’t a big age gap. We have 4 bedrooms but the children (g8, b6) prefer to share. They chat at night and play together in the mornings. I know it can’t last much longer but I think it has helped them develop a close relationship.

This just made me howl!

It’s funny how objective measures can get things so skewed sometimes.

Absolutely not. This is the problem, people redefining poverty as meaning not having every single thing you want. This is why I take the headlines of record levels of child poverty with a pinch of salt. There are charities near me which collect clothing, school uniform and gifts for supposedly poor children but the items have to be brand new! What happened to hand me downs and reusing things?!

What a parochial view your friend has. We live in an expensive city (so our apartment cost around £1.7/1.8m) and two of our kids share, but are certainly not living in ‘poverty’…

I forget which Tory minister it was who sneered at Michael Howard being “the kind of person who has to buy their own furniture” - an apparent sign of poverty, as the upper classes inherit theirs.

So you are posh!