Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

Poverty would not even cross my mind. I've think while they are young, it is nice to share, if they generally get on.

As I find it creates more of a bond.
I shared with various siblings as I grew up and to be honest at times, we weren't too happy about it. But as I've gotten older, I believe it has made me closer and also given us all some character.
As in we learnt to be mindful if each other and our things etc.
I would not recommend for older kids though. As by that age, they need more space of their own.

Of course it's not a sign of poverty in itself, but there's a difference between actively choosing for children to share a room and them being forced to because you can't afford a bigger property.

We have a similar set up. The dc share the large room atm and have toy/quite space in the box room. The plan in the future when the dc are teens is to have the box room plainly for their beds and clothes, and the large room as a chill out space. Sofa bed, computers and whatever teens need.

Or if they can't stand sharing then they'll have to take it in turns to have the small room.

We're only keeping it for guests because family live so far away so we have my Mum come to stay for a week per month so she can see us, then at other weekends we have various other family who might stay a night or so.

I wouldn't want one of the girls to continually be giving their room up. Maybe we should just consider doing the front room out with a good sofa bed immediately and set both rooms up as bedrooms but how do you decide who has the tiny one and who has the big one?!

We live in the Midlands, so not hugely expensive, but expensive enough for us!

I don't think either of you are wrong really, in homes where children are sharing because they need to, it's not exactly a sign of being 'well off' or even comfortable.

but you're choosing to have them there, you have enough bedroom for them each to have one if you/they wanted to.

however, in your situation I'd choose to reconfigure/extend or move so they each have a decent size bedroom (& if affordable a guest room). They're not going to be little forever & there's a huge inequity in your bedroom sizes & not much difference in ages/stages of your girls.

a small affordable mortgage is an investment in an asset,

Did you even read the OP?

3rd room is a tiny box. She doesn't want to have 1 big room for one child and a tiny box for the other when they are close in age and young enough to share.

The spare can be used as a breakout room.

OP it's not poverty and the advantage of mortgage free is you can save. You can change your minds in 10 years time when they are 11 and 13 if you decide a 4 bed is better. By then you could have enough to get a small mortgage or even buy a bigger house outright. Or even extend your current home up or out?

But no, it's not a sign of poverty - your friend is nuts 🫣😂

We have 5 kids in a 4 bed house so they share (except the eldest) and we're certainly not in poverty. I've got to say the 12 and 14yo could probably do with more space and we had plans to build an extension to create another bedroom but atm we just can't afford it.

when i was growing up, i shared a bedroom with my mum, my dad and my little brother, my other sibling slept in the living room and my grandparents slept in the other bedroom. Would you say that was poverty?

I shared a room with my sister. We had a big 3 bedroom detached house and although weren't rich we certainly weren't living in poverty. Pretty ridiculous tbh

Sharing a room can be an indicator of overcrowding which does happen in households experiencing poverty.

I wonder why you are choosing to use your own unusual circumstances to open discussion on this though. You have ample space and ample money but due to your personal priorities you are not utilising either of these things to enable your children to have a bedroom each.

Most families living in cramped conditions don't do so through choice and don't have other options available to them.

She sounds quite judgemental.

Bollocks

Overcrowding is poverty.

Sharing a room is not.

Being totally honest, we just wouldn't have chosen a house with two huge bedrooms and a box room. We did look at some houses like that but instead went for a house with three similar size bedrooms and a box room which we use as a spare room & home office.

I’ve learned to just ignore other peoples opinions. They are weird. Our kids share. We’ve prioritised living somewhere really nice over everyone having their own rooms. We are sometimes strapped for cash but in no way poor if that makes sense. The lady next door to me is Japanese and had 5 boys in one room out of choice as it’s thr Japanese way. I’m aware it’s anecdotal but my girls all get on really well and I think part of it is sharing a room. They aren’t territorial and I love hearing them chat as they fall asleep every day. It could just have been their nature any way. I mean some people think not taking your kids to Disneyland or a different extra curricular every day of the week is poverty but I just have different values.

never mind what your friend thinks. If you overreach your family budget then you may be at risk of loosing your home from falling into debt. I had three kids in our largest bedroom using bunk beds and a cot bed with the profoundly disabled one in the box room. We had the second bedroom between them. Being warm, feed, loved and sharing is not so bad. You have three bedrooms and as they get older you can always rejigged what you do.

I did see what I thought of as real poverty when I meet families with six kids, one grandmother and two parents squished into tiny two bed flats with one living room and kitchen as part of the living room. No storage space either. More so when similar sized families get dumped into emergency housing in one hotel room because they cannot afford private rent. That is terrible and soul destroying for anyone caught up in our broken systems.

Some people do think that sharing a room is a sign of not having enough money, in that they consider sharing to be undesirable and a situation to be avoided - I've heard that opinion a lot.

Some people think all sorts of crap. You can tune them out.

The question for you is: do you want to be mortgage free right now, or do you want to invest in a larger house? There's no right answer, just whatever works for you.

A 3-bed house with 2 dc is perfectly suited. If they wanted, one could take up the small room later on. Or your house may have room to expand if needed.

But if this is a forever house for you and dh, and you love that 3-bed, go for it.

Depends on what ages you mean by “when I was growing up.” Toddlers and preschoolers, not especially noteworthy. Tweens and teens sharing with their parents, I think most people would acknowledge as a much less than ideal set up and possibly indicative of overcrowding or poverty.

Your friend is a snob.

I loved sharing a room with my little sister. They were the best years. Take no notice x

We have seven bedrooms and my sons share for a myriad of reasons (one of which is that they like it)

No one would accuse us of poverty.

I think this is one of these things (like describing things as ‘common’) that some insecure middle class British people do to try and make themselves feel superior to other people. It’s extraordinarily lame. Ignore her.

Absolutely nonsense.

I'm not discussing a large inheritance, it isn't a large inheritance at all. It would literally clear a small mortgage which we worked bloody hard to get down to the level it's at, or would help us put down a bigger deposit on a larger house.

I am fully aware that there are families who share rooms for multiple generations/ multiple children, where we live is not an affluent area at all.

I am not being insensitive or insincere, it was a genuine query as to what other people thought about what my friend said, and if we should try to go for a bigger house/ let them have their own rooms.

Overcrowding can be an indicator of poverty and is more likely, but it certainly isn't causal!

I shared with my sister until we were 8&6, which was fine, and then we had our own rooms and by that time I'd have preferred a really small room to sharing with her as I was a weirdly anally tidy child and she was (and still is, bless her) an absolute agent of chaos. I think given you have that option if needed, you're good to go.

I think your friend needs to understand what "poverty" is. People unable to afford bus fares, using foodbanks, living in temporary accommodation, overcrowded and often poorly maintained.
Children sharing a bedroom is nothing at all. Ignore her.