Sharing a room is a 'sign of poverty'?

[DesTeeny]

A close friend has said that sharing a room as children is a sign of poverty.

AIBU to think this just isn't true?

Context: We have the opportunity to be mortgage free in a 3 bed house through inheritance, our two DC (3 & 1 both girls) will share a room and we will keep a spare room.

Spare room is for family/friends visiting as we have no nearby relatives so we have people to stay often but will be used as a 'break out' room for DC if they need space. We will set it up with a desk for homework, and a day bed to read and relax on, but it is quite a small box room so it seemed sensible to have DC share a very large room (15*13ft) rather than one DC have a huge room and one have a tiny one.

The room is big enough for a day bed so for example my Mum will be able to stay, or our nieces and nephews on a day bed and a pull out, but other than a desk and a day bed there's no room for anything else.

The alternative was that we use the inheritance to take out a mortgage on a 4+ bed house, but we don't see the point as the house we have is a large 3 bed and will suit our needs entirely (from our perspective).

However, close friend has said that sharing a room is a "sign of poverty" and can't believe we're even considering it when we could have a larger house with a mortgage.

@Needanewname42 and if you are interested. When I enforced this legislation in the 1990s if a house, including a privately owned house, was legally over crowded it got grant aid to convert extra rooms, for example loft conversions or even extensions in some cases. So the overcrowding was definitely seen as a health issue which would be considered a poverty indicator. But as you can see from sec 326, overcrowding is using all rooms not just what you might designate as bedrooms and sharing isn't just about two people in a room if the room is big. And any housing authority would consider you not adequately housed if you were in the rented sector and legally overcrowded. So it's way more than guidance and is used as an indicator of the adequacy of your housing, which is linked to poverty.

We have a 5 bed but my 2 girls share by choice they love their bunk bed set up

I shared with my sister and sometimes my brother too if my gran stayed, until I left home at 19. We were relatively poor! Sharing not by choice as a teenager is pretty rubbish tbh but I’m very tolerant of sharing my space as a result!

Your home (top floor layout) sounds the same as my parents house when I was aged nine onwards.
My much bigger sis' had the larger room that had two beds in it, whilst my room was what was considered to be the box room.
It was large enough for my bed, small wardrobe and a little bedside table.
I loved it, as although it was small, my clever mum decorated it beautifully, and it was my own private space away from anything I wanted to be away from.
Equally tho' (after parents thought I was settled for the night) I sometimes sneaked in to big sis room, tuck myself up, and me and sis had a grand ol' time together.
She snuck down to the kitchen for biscuits etc, and we would share those.
She used to tell me what she'd been up to, along with giggles ... she showed me the contents of her cosmetics bag ....
Such lovely memories.
What I'm trying to say OP, is that it doesn't much matter what you do accommodation wise... if your girls are happy, then it's fine.
I think back when I was a kid, it was the general rule that the youngest got the smaller room, with the promise of an upgrading once bigger sibling left home.
You friend suggesting signs of poverty is at best uninformed and at worse a goady bitch.

Prioritising a "guest room" over the comfort/preference of your children is weird.

Mortgage free doesn’t sound like poverty to me. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at that. I wouldn’t assume you were poor.

That really depends on family dynamics. Both our families are far away and visit regularly. If I only had 3 bedrooms my 3 & 1 year old would most likely share so family could stay in the other room. It facilitates a regular strong relationship with their grandparents and other relatives, how is that weird?
Very young children like to sleep together.

That is ridiculous. Of course it isn’t a sign of poverty! My house is currently valued at just shy of £1 million, and has 3 bedrooms, one of which is only 8’6” by 8’. If we’d had more than 2 DC, either the same sex or youngest 2 would have shared the 2nd bedroom, which is a large double.

As it happened, we only had the two DC, but when the youngest reached adulthood, we did sort out a larger space for him in the form of a summer house, so he only needed his tiny bedroom to sleep in…

@DesTeeny Why don't you have the largest bedroom, then move the wall between the other bedrooms to make them equal sizes?

Perhaps her toddlers prefer their granny over privacy. Why you assume she isn't putting her children's needs first?

I shared a room with my brother all through primary school. We preferred to have company. It wasn't due to poverty: we had a five-bedroomed house, and the only other room in use was my parents'. There were three empty bedrooms available if wanted.

If this is how you live and have regular guests and one of them visiting for a week at a time then I would go buy a 4 bed house.
When the children get older it’s unfair to share if there is a room empty for most part of the month. They will need their own space. Do you have an extra living space downstairs like an extra living room or is it living room and kitchen?

We had a guest room as our families live far away, but the guest room was turned into a bedroom for one of the DC when we had DC.

My family stay downstairs in the living room now. We have airbeds and the sofas. I wouldn’t prioritise them having a room in the house above one of our DC.

Our eldest got the largest room and then when our second came along they had the remaining room. It’s significantly smaller but I’m sure many families are in the same situation, and the youngest has enough space for their things and to go and play or read in peace when they feel like it. They enjoy ‘sleepovers’ together but also enjoy having their own rooms with their own things.

I have a 2 year old and newly pregnant so they won't be an age where they need their own space for a while. And I said I would give them their own rooms if sharing became an issue. You haven't seen the amount of stuff we own!

I don't think sharing is a bad thing until they get older.

Not at all unusual to share a bedroom especially when close in age. If you have a good relationship with family then it is a nice way for the children to develop a close relationship with grandparents/family by having them stay over so a good idea to have a guest room. In a few years, maybe when your eldest is around 10, look to have separate rooms. Depending on finances at the time, you can consider extending or doing a loft conversion.

It's not necessarily about needing space in terms of privacy - it can also be about waking each other up or having different sleep schedules, something that can be more not less of an issue when they are young.

One of mine was a super early riser when he was a toddler, it would have been awful for his brother to be woken up early every day and sleep deprived

@Coconutter24 If this is how you live and have regular guests and one of them visiting for a week at a time then I would go buy a 4 bed house

Just be richer!

@ClareBlue that's Council and Housing Association housing.
There are no laws on who shares on the private sector.

Your friend doesn't understand what poverty really means.

Two children living in a mortgage free home, with all the safety that provides, is not "poverty"

What a moron

Your friend expects you to change your plans because of what she thinks. I would have expected you to change plans so that the children can have privacy, even if they have a friend over, because the children are in your house more than the occasional guest. Poverty has nothing to do with it.

Mine loved sharing until the eldest of the two reached around ten. At the ages yours are sharing is fine and fun for them. You have space enough for them to go into separate
rooms in the future. Move the one who wants their own space first into the smaller room, they will think they are the one to have the bargain initially lol.

You haven’t got a big age gap but I wish I’d given my youngest the bigger room and not the box room now as her sisters are hardly here but still not quite ready to give up their rooms.

My DS shared when they were little, but then got to an age (maybe about 7 and 9) when they wanted their own rooms.

We did have a box room and made a great effort to make it work for DS2, buying suitable small furniture. It does have a bed, a very small wardrobe, a small desk, a narrow shelf unit and a bedside table. There is also an additional chest of drawers on the landing.

When DS1 went to uni, they swapped bedrooms.

We have managed but there is a second reception room which was a kind of playroom/study which DS2 used a lot when that was his bedroom. Now DH and I WFH we need a shared office so that has been useful for us too, but it means DS1 doesn't have much space for himself when he is home from uni.

It depends on how much you need to borrow for the larger house because come the teen years, 2 similar sized bedrooms is very useful. If you could pay the difference on a 10 year mortgage (or get 20 years and overpay) then that might be a better option as selling and buying houses is expensive

My kids share a room. We aren't in poverty, but we also aren't well off. We manage but don't really save. Everyone is well fed and bills get paid though, with occasional luxuries

Must have been enforcing the law wrong for 10 years then along, with every other Local Authority Housing Department in England.
Sec 325 and 326 ref a dwelling, which is not tenure or ownership dependent. Maybe read it.