Having a surname from a different background to your own

[Onley]

I’m getting married next year to an Austrian guy living in London. His surname suits him and his family. But I am half Indian and half English and feel really odd taking on such a ‘foreign’ surname.
My dad is Indian so my surname is also Indian. I don’t object to the principle of women changing names (do what you like) and I probably would change if the surname was something like Smith or more English. I just feel odd having a VERY Austrian surname. It seems so not me. Fiancé accepts my decision but acknowledges in an ideal world where he got his way he and his future wife/kids would take his name.

I’m just curious how others in multicultural relationships have navigated this

Double barrel it?

I’ve considered the double barrel approach but fiancé’s surname is fairly long. The conbination looks silly and they don’t sound great together imo.

Our surname is a throwback from several generations ago on DH’s side. Neither of us speak the language and we have to spell it each and every time, usually more than once. I still prefer it to my maiden name and like the fact that we and our DC all have the same name.

Stick to your own name if it's not suitable. The double-barrelling sounds even worse than usual in the scenario you are positing - I'm imagining something like Schumacher-Patel or Singh-Baumgartner - verging on cruelty for any future children in my opinion!

I do wonder what happens when two double barrelled kids meet and marry in the future!
Do what suits you and decide between yourselves re children.

Do you want your children to have his surname? Couldn't they have a double barrelled surname?

Lots of my friends have kept their own surnames at marriage - some have then changed to double barrelled when they have children, some have given their children their own surnames. A few have given the children the man's surname.

It's really not a default anymore for a woman to take her husbands surname- or for children to have their fathers!

DS (English with a very unusual three syllable Irish surname) and fiancee (British South Asian) are double barrelling. It sounded odd the first few times I heard it, but doesn't anymore. It will be a challenge for any future children to spell though.

When I married 26 years ago (been divorced for 14) I took on my then husbands Dutch surname. It’s a very difficult name for non Dutch speakers to pronounce so that was the strangest thing. I’m white British though, with a maiden name that also appears in Holland so perhaps not as culturally jarring for me as if may be for you.

I kept my own surname and we gave our kids both our surnames which I like. In my husband's culture women don't take their husbands surnames anyway so luckily there wasn't a conversation to be had about it but it wouldn't have felt right to have such a Spanish surname with my name

My great-grandfather (paternal grandmother's father) was impressed (forcibly kidnapped) into Royal Navy service in the late 1800s. His ship traveled to Spain, then to a harbor in the US, where he jumped overboard and swam to shore. To avoid recapture he changed his name to the only foreign name he'd ever heard, which was Spanish. He married, had a bunch of children, and to this day that branch of my family carries a Spanish surname even though none of them has a drop of Spanish blood.

People don't have to look a certain way to have a certain name.

I don't personally think that women should change their names.

However, his name will be part of your life story. It's interesting.

I’m Spanish to a British guy. Changing my surname to my husbands is not part of my culture so when I married I didn’t change it. My son has go both our surnames. Just because some people do it because it feels it right to them does not mean you have to do it yourself.

I took my husband's surname, which is Hebrew but sounds Eastern European (ends in -tz). It really shows up a lot of prejudices because often someone will tell me they're glad I speak fluent english when they meet me, as they presumed from my surname that I wouldn't

I didn't change mine and thank god for that because we're now getting divorced and the thought of being linked to him anymore than I am now (house, kids) makes me feel sick!

Not exactly the same but I'm very very celtic looking. Pale features, lots of freckles. My husbands surname is European and whenever I give people my surname they're like "oooh that's very exotic" in a slightly shocked (gentle well natured) mocking way. It's not even particularly exotic but still more exotic sounding than I look. I do prefer it though because it's still easier to spell than my original surname.

in an ideal world where he got his way...

I bet it would be ideal for him if he got his way every time. But it's not ideal for everyone. You don't have to meet his ideals. Stick to your own name.

I have exactly the same!

Why can’t he change his surname to yours? I’m now very anti women changing their surnames on marriage for the reasons a PP gave: if you change your surname and your children also have your DH’s surname, then you get divorced, you’re stuck with his surname if you want to keep the same surname as your children.

I'm Indian (mostly) married to an Englishman. I'd love to have your problem because his surname is so boring.
However I took it anyway because, I have a patronym and not a surname. So my surname on official documents is my father's first name.
Calling me Mrs Dads First Name sound so wrong. So I took his.

I think the fuss about changing names is ridiculous even your maiden name comes from a man (your dad). If I had my own surname I'd have kept it and given the kids whichever sounded better. Job done.

My husband doesn't care whether I take his name or not.

BTW people don't change their name in my country of origin. But we have many different name formats.
For a patronym it's something like (translated)
Jenna daughter of James
And James the dad would be
James son of John

No surnames whatsoever. Only the individual dad's first name.

For Chinese people their surname comes first so it's something like Tan Xiao Tong where Tan is the family name and Xiao Tong the given name.

All forms easily accommodate all name types. Don't understand why the 'international' community squishes everything into first name surname which is a Western standard but whatever.

I changed to my husbands surname, its a slightly changed surname as DH ancestors fled Europe (Jewish)
The amount of trouble I have with it is so frustrating im constantly asked to repeat myself, always get told its "unusual" and they are glad I speak such good english both me and DH born in London 🤣 Myself and DH sometimes think we should of gone with my Maiden Name instead (v. English and simple) seeing as he's estranged from his father's side completely!

Although tbf my dad is half indian via his mother but has a english surname, a doctor when he was in hospital recently said "you don't look like you are called what you are"
So yeah, that was a bit sus.

I took DH's (none English) surname.
I've had a couple of double takes when I turn up places, but otherwise no issues.
I do wish that I'd done what another couple did, and double barreled it tho. As someone else mentioned, it sounded strange the first few times I heard it, but feels natural now.

Alternatively, and the languages might make this a no go, can you blend both names into a new surname that is shorter than double barreling?

I'm also mixed race with a husband from a different cultural background. I kept my name as it's important to me and I would feel 'odd' with a name that didn't match my face. Completely understand where you are coming from.

Neither of us changed their names when we got married. Kids got one surname as their surname and one as their second middle name (we didn't want them to be double barreled)

I was quite keen to keep my last name and while DH was more than happy with that, he liked the thought of us having the same last name so we just double-barrelled our Welsh and Indian surnames together.

I took my DH's which is South African Indian, I'm white British and yep , have to spell it every time!