Having a surname from a different background to your own

[Onley]

I’m getting married next year to an Austrian guy living in London. His surname suits him and his family. But I am half Indian and half English and feel really odd taking on such a ‘foreign’ surname.
My dad is Indian so my surname is also Indian. I don’t object to the principle of women changing names (do what you like) and I probably would change if the surname was something like Smith or more English. I just feel odd having a VERY Austrian surname. It seems so not me. Fiancé accepts my decision but acknowledges in an ideal world where he got his way he and his future wife/kids would take his name.

I’m just curious how others in multicultural relationships have navigated this

@LifeExperience Your post fascinated me. I very much associated the repellent practice of pressing men to serve in the Royal navy with the late 18th /early 19th century. Around the time of the Napoleonic wars etc. I thought 'How awful if they were still doing that to people in late Victorian times,I never realised.' . But I looked it up on Wikipedia and my first impression was correct - impressment finally ended in 1835.

Are you sure about the tale great grandfather told the family?, 😉I wonder what was going on there?

Not impugning him, maybe it was just a misunderstanding, family tales can get mixed up over the years. I've seen this on looking into my own family tree.

Could your DH and your DC’s not have taken your surname?

they could have. It was something we discussed. My husband was a lot less bothered about names and left it up to me. Our kids have African first names.

You can do whatever you want to do. I changed surname. It was important to me of lots of reasons and I also prefer the surname. It was still really weird when I did it and I did oddly feel like I’d changed identity for a while. And I was super keen and sure so it was a big surprise to feel this way! It didn’t take long to get used to it though and now years later my old surname seems odd and not like me at all when I see it. So I suspect although it feels weird now, you’d probably get used to it and it’d start to feel like you after a while, even with the cultural differences. Obviously there’s no guarantee of this though!

I would also consider what you will do if you decide to children. It was very important to me to have the same surname as any children, and if you don’t think that double barrelling will be an option you might want to think about what you would do if you have children but don’t have the same surname. How would you feel about those options?

It might be a case of there being no perfect option but going with the best option all round in the circumstances.

I’m used to men’s last names being more beautiful and easier to spell and pronounce. I’ve never seen them being more culturally appropriate before!

You could make up a new surname and both take it if having the same surname to each other and any future children is important to you. It could be an anagram of your current surnames or use parts of each blended together, it could even be a whole new word that means something to you both.

Edited to add I see no problem with keeping your own surname if that's what you prefer though!