To wonder why dp can't get a job this way

[Lacky301]

Dp can never get a job directly with a employer his applications are always rejected or he doesn't hear back.
We are trying to avoid agencies as his last workplace had a hire and fire system dp got settled there after been there almost 2 years but company didnt have enough work so he had to finish.

There's no issue between benefits and keeping him on the visa I've never pushed for benefits although I probably should but doubt I'd be awarded anything

Well I agree with you however some people are talking shit about him back home making out people earn so much money here in UK and he's only sending a tiny proportion of his income and he doesn't look after anybody properly that's he's leading a good life and he's always crying that he doesn't have enough money.

It's a culture thing though isn't it but I'm not a sucker I know it needs control

More likely buying or renting property or land, or supporting a business. Maybe sending various children to university or school. It’s not being a sucker when it’s very much the cultural norm.

its an old book but Monica Ali’s brick lane is excellent at describing this

His kids are grown up but still struggling to secure decent work and pay and somebody is always sick or in hospital.
Electric bills are more than people's income.

I'm just trying to get the balance fair that's all.

He's just using you as a vehicle to allow his family to suck you dry. Why does he even have access to your money to enable this to happen? If you have any sense you'll kick him out.

As a bare minimum nothing should be sent while he is unemployed. As he has no money, it is yours. Do you think these people care about his British girlfriend? They probably despise you.

And they'd have a point.

Presumably you will be funding the family now he doesn't have a job which I'd say is pretty much the definition of a sucker

Yes I know but I don't care what they think tbh

I had a job in manufacturing as a woman, who just turned up

I'm actually wondering what you mean by they'd have a point though.

I think you might be assuming my thoughts on this, or maybe I haven’t been clear.

OP is a meal ticket. This is simply the reality of marrying someone from a low income area of a low income country.

my parents come from a southern European country which in the 80s was notorious for “sleazy waiters” 😉 40 years on, the latching onto British holiday makers for a better life simply doesn’t exist- it isn’t necessary, as the country is now wealthy.
So many tourist villages are filled with a mix of pension aged, seemingly happily married, local: tourist couples with adult mixed children 😄

these things can coexist. Many south Asian cultures place importance on marrying well, or marrying up.

This is poverty and desperation that’s embedded into everyone’s lives. It’s just what happens not something OP fixes, or threatens about. She’s wasting her time.

OP is a meal ticket. Of that there is no question. But she can simply decide that she will tolerate this part of her relationship because she loves him and wants to be with him. Many marriages operate like this. They frequently survive.

it’s ok for OP to decide that she can live with this, even indulging in the occasional stress and show of annoyance.

They've latched onto the wrong one I'm not well off lol

That they would despise you for just handing over your money to them. From an unmarried relationship. You're his meal ticket, and theirs, and lower yourself in value in their eyes by not being formally married, I suspect. They probably laugh about it.

I had jobs in all kinds of industries by just sending a cv, ( i have a good education and that makes an impression), but also very often I just turn up and get the job immediately. There are thousands of jobs out there

Oh right I see well they are too far away for me to give them a second thought

Not at all- you’re giving them £500 a month because he married you.

hes poor and uneducated- he was hardly going to marry a lawyer with a big house in Surrey. You are MORE than enough for a meal ticket.

the thing about many cultures (and Pakistani is def one) is that they have an awareness of long term investment and generational wealth. The entire family will be better for generations because he moved here.