AIBU to not want to baptise my babies?

[TheMummyJade]

Hi! So basically, my eldest is baptised as per request of both sets of grandparents, because my husband and I both enjoyed growing up surrounded by people in the faith, and because my husband and I want to enrol him in the local Catholic primary school. However, we didn't when it came to our second son because we had both just been starting new jobs, moving into a new house, and were busy with two young boys. Now that I'm due with 3 babies, I don't think we'll have the time, or that we really need, to baptise them. Neither my husband or I are practising Catholics, however both of fathers are, and our mothers just think it would be nice for us to have them baptised. I also feel a bit silly if we were to have 4 out of 5 kids baptise and our second son isn't.
Thanks in advance Mumsnet, and thank you for all the love and advice on my last thread 😊

I would get it done if I was you and get all 4 baptised together if you can. I got my child baptised as a toddler (I don’t know anything about age limits tbh). It’s a pain to organize a Catholic baptism as an adult and I wish my parents had baptised me. It doesn’t mean your kids have to be religious, it just means if they choose to go in that direction as an adult they already have the paperwork so to speak.

I imagine there’s going to be a lot of comments about it being irrelevant nowadays, and it was irrelevant if me for a large part of my life, but now I have started going to church and it’s a big part of my life.

Get it done, all of them.

No one knows the time and place of disaster. The last thing you want to do is have a funeral of a child and realize you didn't make time for the most important thing in this world.

@Happyinarcon Yes, I agree with everything you've said, especially in thinking that people will think it's irrelevant, particularly because I said my husband and I aren't practicing Catholics.

If your faith isn't strong enough to baptize your child you won't believe it to go to hell at it's death because of it's not baptized.

Then don't. It is not an obligation to baptize children.

However, triplets can come early and be fragile depending on the circumstances.
You may be asked to decide on emergency baptism but this is of course not that often.

I would, really helpful for school as a just in case. Plus they may want to get married in church at some point. If they are non practicing/atheist as they grow up then it will make zero difference to them.

I respectfully disagree with this.
Don't baptize them just to suit older family members. If faith is important to them when they grow up they can choose to be baptized then.

Don't you have to attend church to enroll in a Catholic school?

It depends on the school's admission criteria.

Personally I would not, I am really uncomfortable with part of the RC rite being an exorcism.

5 kids. Are you sure you aren't practising catholics?

Fair enough. The CofE school we were situated next to only children from church going family were allocated a place

@TheMummyJade this
https://www.catholiceducation.org.uk/guidance-for-schools/admissions#:

@Gettingbysomehow 🙈

I’d do it because unfortunately the school system is still in the clutches of churches so it lets you apply to the best school nearby possibly.

Wow. Is slagging off Catholic women for getting pregnant 3 times still something people do? Interesting to know, thought it does out in the 90s

She's pregnant with triplets, you get that don't you?

@TheMummyJade congratulations and I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the births all go well. 💞 I think you should do exactly as you and your husband want to, and the families need to move towards acceptance of the loss of your faith. Their feelings about it are their problem, not yours. You've got enough to deal with I think!

although the UK is "purported" to be non-secular, if you'd like all your children to attend a catholic school, you should definitely consider having them all baptised.

Presuming the only decent schools in your area are catholic?

I didn’t have my DD baptised and she went to a catholic primary school and a catholic secondary school, we didn’t go to church either

I was of the understanding that if it’s a public school they can’t turn away children for this reason. DD’s secondary school said it’s a huge misconception and they had many children of different faiths, including atheists

Clearly it's not actually one of the most important things to OP and her DH though?

This rather depends on whether you believe in a God who would condemn an unbaptised child, doesn’t it?

OP honestly you have to do what’s right for you and your family. If you want them baptised I would expect you could get your second done at the same time.

Personally, I cannot understand why someone would have their child baptised if they did not believe in Catholicism.

Absolutely pointless. Forcing your children into a cult whilst they are unable to decide for themselves, purely to please others. All that matters is that you love them.

Not a Roman Catholic but a practising Evangelical Christian. Naturally I'm delighted when people turn to follow Jesus, but I've always found it really weird that people choose to do "life events" in a church where they a) never go to and b) don't actually follow it in day to day life.

OP, they're your children so please do what you think is best for them.

I wouldn't let them decide when they are older.

Not sure the not having time thing is about though as it would be one day, but you seem to bang on about being busy a few times since your post.

We were both raised Catholic (Ireland) and had all the sacraments but didn't get married in church or christen our children as we don't believe. We've never regretted it.

However in your case, what you've done for one I'd do for all. The difference could create resentment down the line, whether in terms of schooling or wedding choices, or the other way because there's no opting out.

Have you checked the rules for school admission ? I’m Catholic, and a school governor .. at our (popular) local feeder primary school .. Baptised Catholics are high up the list, and, the time beteeen birth & baptism is taken into account - to stop people getting thier children baptised a week before applications close.

Baptised Catholics get preferce to siblings.

You've baptised one child - what material difference has that made to their, or your, lives?

If that's been positive, crack on and do all four.

If neutral, do nothing.

But pretendy Catholicism for school placements really grinds my gears.