AIBU to not want to baptise my babies?

[TheMummyJade]

Hi! So basically, my eldest is baptised as per request of both sets of grandparents, because my husband and I both enjoyed growing up surrounded by people in the faith, and because my husband and I want to enrol him in the local Catholic primary school. However, we didn't when it came to our second son because we had both just been starting new jobs, moving into a new house, and were busy with two young boys. Now that I'm due with 3 babies, I don't think we'll have the time, or that we really need, to baptise them. Neither my husband or I are practising Catholics, however both of fathers are, and our mothers just think it would be nice for us to have them baptised. I also feel a bit silly if we were to have 4 out of 5 kids baptise and our second son isn't.
Thanks in advance Mumsnet, and thank you for all the love and advice on my last thread 😊

As someone baptised in the Catholic faith from a Catholic family I would baptise all 4 of them for the potential school admissions. Sorry, but that is my honest opinion. My sibling is still a practising Catholic and her local Catholic primary had what was considered a giant class size at 19 children. Their admissions policy is regular church attendance which does put off those who baptise for entry. This was also the same for the secondary so if you are wanting the primary check their policy.

My Mum babysat my children and would of course take them to the local Catholic church to me, my children are not baptised nor are we believers in the Catholic faith. My children saw it that they were learning about their Grandma's faith. They attended the local CofE school and learned about all faiths.

Lol. That is ridiculous. This is one of the many reasons I hate Catholicism.
I was baptized against my parents wishes and I feel really weird about it.
To me means absolutely nothing and if it did I would organize getting myself baptized.

You and your DH should be doing what's best for your family.

I wouldn't be baptising my children just so they could get into a school but that's my personal preference.

I also wouldn't do it to appease family members , with all due respect they are your children and if you and DH are not practising catholics then I don't see the need.

I’d do it, and did do it, to get the children into the local Catholic primary. If that’s not a factor, I wouldn’t bother.

Overall I agree with you, however catholics are not the only religious group who baptise.

I'd do it, because it's not fair to have done it for one and not the others

It could make a difference for school and marriage in future

It's not going to do them any harm!

My former SIL is very much a pretend Catholic. She had 4 boys christened in one go so they could go to the Catholic school . Do it/ don't do it. It makes no difference to life or death outcomes.

Did you just time-travel from the past when unbaptised babies went to Limbo and didn’t merit a Catholic burial? 🙄

I’m not a believer but it bewilders me how god would condem a child because they are not baptised.

If you are not a practising Christian, I have no idea why you would even consider getting your dc baptised.

Doing it just to please grandparents seems weird if it doesn't mean anything to you - and actually quite disrespectful towards people with faith if you are treating it as just a meaningless ritual.

I also don't understand why anyone who wasn't Catholic would want their kids to go to a Catholic school. But each to their own.

The one thing I do agree with in your post is that it would be odd to baptise 4 children and not baptise one. So if you decide to do the triplets, you need to do dc2 as well.

With respect OP, don’t feel pressure to do anything to please others. I appreciate people have faith and they believe with deep sincerity that will go to heaven or hell when they die.

I came from a strong RC background and was christened, first holy communion and ‘confirmed’, of course I also attended RC schools. As a child I didn’t question it of course but in my late teens I really started questioning religion. I get quite angry when I think back to my school days as RC religion was taught as fact. Other religions where talked about but they weren’t ’correct’ (apparently) and I’m sure it’s the same in any religious school, that their religion is the true one.

I decided I didn’t believe any of it so despite pressure from older family members, I didn’t get my children christened. Thankfully the elder family members were open minded and didn’t push but respected that my belief ls didn’t match theirs. We had conversation about it where she would say “Well what do you think happens when you die” and I said ‘the same as what happened before you’re born. We don’t know anything about it as we don’t exist’.

She was lovely and respected her enough to hold back as I realised that she was a product of her environment and being in her 80’s I wanted her to be comforted by the belief that she’ll be met by god and go to heaven and meet all of her deceased love ones when she dies. We actually used to have a giggle about it as she was astonished I didn’t believe that.

Anyway my point is, I never got my kids christened as I just don’t believe in god, heaven or anything of the sort. If you chose the same OP, that’s absolutely fine. Realistically if there was actually a god and I was wrong, surely he’d forgive you….

I believe that rather than giving them the choice later in life, not baptising them is essentially choosing for them not to believe or practice a faith. It is statistically very unlikely for people not enrolled in a faith to choose to join a faith or even to believe later in life (unless they meet a partner who wants them to convert). Baptising them does not force religion on them as we all know many, many people who were baptised and don't believe. Your beliefs are not particularly relevant. If you want to give them the choice then baptise them and they will naturally choose.

This.

If you’re a practicing Catholic, do it.

If you’re not a practicing Catholic, don’t.

Why on earth would you commit your child(ren) to a church and god if you yourself aren’t even committed to it? I find that extremely odd and hypocritical.

We left our kids until they were old enough to make the decision for themselves, they are all baptised, DW is , I never was,my mam said I had the smallpox vaccine instead!!!
Our you best went to our local Catholic comprehensive, we are not Catholic, but I wouldn’t ever have had them baptised just to get into a school

This is actually nonsense. Lots of people become Christians or join other faiths as adults. Of course they have a choice.

I wasn't brought up with any faith but chose to go to church and be baptised in my twenties. Not because of a partner, not because I was vulnerable etc. I was just interested. I subsequently left the church but that's another story. I know plenty of other people who have "found faith" as adults.

If you genuinely think that it's impossible for an intelligent adult to adopt your beliefs if they haven't been brainwashed as a child, then you might want to think about why that would be.

I used to think this as I also went to a CofE school and a catholic school no questions asked. But where we live now both the CofE and Catholic school require that you have a letter from your priest to say you attend church. Catholics from 100 miles away have priority over someone living next door who doesn’t go to church, and who will not get in.

That's ridiculous

I think you should think about what's right for you and your family, will it affect their relationship later on in life etc. half of my family is Catholic and because one of my sisters was baptized and I never was it meant I could not officially be a god parent to my nieces. I could stand at the front of the church for a short period but take part in nothing else.

This is such an incredibly stupid post. For someone who regards baptism as a completely meaningless ritual, this would not even cross their radar if their child very sadly passed away.

Your post does, however, make me feel extremely sorry for anyone whose life is blighted by the belief in a petty and vengeful God that would punish a completely innocent child for the so-called "sins" of their parents. It's like going through life with a capricious, all-powerful abusive parent.

I find it odd. The church some of my (adult) kids attend have a ‘welcome’ ceremony for babies but you can’t be baptised until you are an older teen at minimum as it is something that has to be a conscious decision that you make with full knowledge etc. Obviously, it’s not a Catholic Church but it makes sense to me, making these sorts of decisions on behalf of others sits uneasily with me.

I get not doing it in the first place, but having some done and some not is odd.

I got all 3 of my DC baptised together (they were 5, 2 and 3months). Mostly for a little party at the time. Then it came in handy last year when my eldest wanted to go to the local catholic high school as it was the best in the area. Despite being out of catchment, we got in based on him being baptised.

It's a personal decision about whether to baptise your children or not. But there's no reason why your second child should be the only one left out.

Either don't baptise them, or baptise your four unbaptised children all together in the same ceremony.

I'm not really a fan of baptising children purely to get them into Catholic school, but you might want to consider what happens if your eldest child has more options than your younger ones.

Two of my cousins were baptised but the youngest one wasn't, which meant we weren't able to ask her to be a godmother to one of our children. It's a shame because she's one of the people who shows most interest in our children.

Alternatively to stop ESOL children whose parents are from Eastern Europe where it is normal to baptise at 12 months and even if they want to do it sooner want to take their child to their 'home' country so family can be included.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom One of my godparents wasn't baptised and my cousin's children have unbaptised god parents too.

@HoppingPavlova An RC Baptism has adults making a promise on behalf of the children. The children then make the same commitment for themselves at confirmation if they do choose to be confirmed.

I think it is similar with the C of E.