AIBU to not want to baptise my babies?

[TheMummyJade]

Hi! So basically, my eldest is baptised as per request of both sets of grandparents, because my husband and I both enjoyed growing up surrounded by people in the faith, and because my husband and I want to enrol him in the local Catholic primary school. However, we didn't when it came to our second son because we had both just been starting new jobs, moving into a new house, and were busy with two young boys. Now that I'm due with 3 babies, I don't think we'll have the time, or that we really need, to baptise them. Neither my husband or I are practising Catholics, however both of fathers are, and our mothers just think it would be nice for us to have them baptised. I also feel a bit silly if we were to have 4 out of 5 kids baptise and our second son isn't.
Thanks in advance Mumsnet, and thank you for all the love and advice on my last thread 😊

The upside is that they can get easier entry to OP’s preferred school and it’s less hassle if they want to do it when older.

I wasn't taught religion as a fact. Did you go to a faith school?

Really?
What was John the Baptist doing?

@StripyHorse

What I mean is that pre mas immigration from eastern Europe the time a child was baptised did not enter in to the equation.

If neither actually go to church or practice anymore then don't get them baptised. Baptism is for those with faith.

Infant baptism was the norm because they didn't want a baby to die after birth unbaptised. So often you don't see a birth record but a baptismal record instead because child mortality was so high.

I never had mine done and now they are old enough to do It themselves they aren't interested.

Their father and I are different faiths. And while mine isn't strong, it was strong enough for me to feel uncomfortable with having my dc in a different faith.

What? I not sure what kind of Catholic school you went to, but if you attend a Roman Catholic school, religion, specifically Catholicism is at the core of its curriculum. That’s why people send their kids to faith schools - they want their children to be educated in that faith, they want them to be surrounded in it. This is partyly how for many people, unconditional faith is perpetuated. You are very much taught things as “facts”, when it comes to religion. To this day, I have former classmates, that believe in the holy trinity as a “fact”, in transubstantiation as a “fact”, in hell as a literal place, so a “fact”, and so on. But in any case, you attended your school as a non catholic, so it was easier for you to be more impartial to it anyway.

You really aren’t, you know. My (unbaptised, unconfirmed) DS attends a Catholic secondary, because it’s our closest school, and other than teaching about faiths, Catholicism is limited to a token prayer over the intercom at the start and end of the day that pupils do not have to join in with.

The closest DS has ever come to being taught ‘religion as fact’ was at his C of E primary where the evangelical creationist vicar used to come in and teach the Bible as literally true.

Certainly, to an extent, when I went to school in the 70s and 80s. Not now.

Perhaps, that has changed now, thankfully. Also, in Catholic schools from late 70s into very early 90s, we were most definitely taught many things as facts.

You're having triplets? Wow congratulations! Getting them
Baptised or not is waaaay down the priority list. Do what you need to do to cope with your rapidly expanding family.

I'm shocked at this response. The most important thing in the world is that you and the babies are happy and looked after. Not whether they go through some ceremony to be part of a judgmental religion. I mean, how do you even get 3 newborns and 2 kids out of the house?

😦 nice.

So you're saying do it while they have no choice.
And you can't possibly be busy when having 5 children?

I meant I would let them decide when I'm older. It's an antiquated process.

It's a day out of 365, the OP states they are always busy, do they have anytime for spending with more kids.

If you're not practising catholics and don't attend church regularly then I think I don't think it's right to baptise your children to please others or to get them into a particular school. I'm not at all religious but have enough respect for religions to think it is incredibly hypocritical to just attend church to get married and have your children baptised or christened. If they want to be baptised then they can have this done at any point in their adult lives - my mum was in her 80s when she was baptised.

Schools should not be affiliated to any religion. That's where the problem lies.

Exactly! And the tax payer should not paying for the running of religious schools.

😂😂to exorcism. Are you actually a RC??
I think you should have a reason other than the school to have them baptised, but be aware they may not be able to go to the same school as your DC1 if they're not baptised.

I can't stand threads that slag off catholics. If you don't believe in God that's fine. Leave others alone.

Please don't baptise your children just so they can go to the best school in the area. It's very hypocritical.

And those who ask if God doesn't let unbaptised children in heaven? You don't believe in God or heaven? So what are you on about?

I don't get why it's a hassle to be baptised as an adult. At my CofE church, if you told the vicar you wanted to be baptised, he would have a chat with you over coffee to make sure you understood what baptism was and then he would get the baptism pool out the following Sunday. I understand that the Roman Catholic church may have classes to attend, but that shouldn't be a hassle if your faith is that important to you.

I was baptised Catholic as a tiny baby, but really wish I could have made the decision myself. An adult, believers baptism is a really lovely, meaningful service that I sort of feel I have missed out on.

DH is a CofE priest, we opted for a Thanksgiving for all of ours so they could make that choice themselves. I think it’s possible to request a thanksgiving for the safe delivery and blessings for a child from the Catholic Church BUT such does NOT replace the sacrament of baptism. Something to bear in mind if your considering a Catholic primary school.

Just for info in the hope this is never needed: IF you ever needed a hospital chaplain in future they would still come especially at a time of real need. You can ask the nurses to call them for you. Hospital Chaplaincy services cover a wide range of world faiths and denominations. If you get the duty or lead chaplain they will listen to you and call in the chaplain you may have a need of. They care for those at a point of need, almost all are truly compassionate and will not expect you to prove you are practicing the faith you grew up in.

How was she being slagged off?! It was a funny joke. It is very sad you interpret 'Catholic' as something pejorative

You have to go through RCIA classes if you choose to get Baptised as an adult. They're time consuming and might out many off. They are a good idea however, you can't just baptise someone because they demand it, but it might demand a lot from the person seeking Baptism

Why do you feel weird about it? If you didn’t get confirmed as Catholic you haven’t completed your baptismal Grace.

Erm, when the only thing you (think you) know about Catholic women is that they lie on their backs with their legs in the air at the behest of the Pope - then yes it's pejorative.

It's not funny unless everyone's laughing.

Yours,
A Catholic woman.