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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriend has just unveiled an awful mustache?

167 replies

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 17:58

My boyfriend has a nice short beard with I suppose a mustache included but you don't really notice it.

He asked me a while ago how I'd feel about a mustache and I said I wouldn't be crazy about it and wouldn't really find it attractive.

Well today he told me he had a surprise for me for November. He's just sent me a photo - he's shaved off his beard and fashioned this god awful mustache. I dont like it and it immediately gives me the ick.

He's clearly looking for a compliment but I bloody hate it. AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/10/2024 10:12

@SinnerBoy it's the US spelling. 😂

Justice! https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/mustache

OP posts:

SinnerBoy · 31/10/2024 10:13

That's American, my 1967 OED has it spelled correctly.

Peachy2005 · 31/10/2024 10:24

It’s a bit different to head hair though because if she wants to kiss him, or vice versa, she has to get right into it. If it gives her the ick, then how is that going to work? If he knows this gives her the ick then what does that say?

sweetpickle2 · 31/10/2024 10:59

It doesn't mean he doesn't care about your opinion in general- let's be honest, getting a moustache is hardly up there with big life decisions. He probably didn't think it was a dealbreaker- if it is, then tell him (and if it isn't then get over it tbh).

OriginalUsername2 · 31/10/2024 11:40

Celia24 · 31/10/2024 08:55

@K0OLA1D clearly LTB is not my first option

The main issue I have is having expressed what a massive turn off they are he got one anyway.

I actually think this is a problem because it shows he doesn't care about my opinion. Does no one see this pov?

I do!

My DP has asked me to please never get a severe bob. I have asked him to never wear a dress. Go mad.

Original poster

Celia24 · 31/10/2024 13:15

Well, the relationship continues - for now!

I might buy him an assortment of masquerade masks if the moustache* persists into November.

Maybe he's looking for a side job as Santa Claus, who knows.

OP posts:

johnson39 · 31/10/2024 15:24

cookiebee · 31/10/2024 09:48

Your posts sound very over emotional and dramatic op, it’s literally just facial hair, he might keep it or not, if you or anyone can’t see past visual changes in your partner then your going to be in for a shock as you all age together, you’ve got to love the person entirely and accept you both won’t always look the same, wether that’s aging or style changes.

Its ok to gently suggest you don’t think something suits your partner, I’m thinking of a coat from M&S my partner wanted, it made him look like a 1970s factory foreman and union rep, but if he had really wanted it, then out we would go together looking like something from ‘carry on at your convenience’.

The hairstyle you said he didn’t like, well if you did like it then wear it, same for him with the moustache and if either of you can’t see past that, then you are not right for each other. We are two guys, I’m sporting huge mutton chop sideburns at the moment, looking a bit like a Victorian policeman, my partner may or may not love them, but he loves me, it’s been 22 years and a lot of different styles, Gareth gates spikes when we met 😂, but we don’t care what the other does to their looks. If you can’t get past this one thing that’s a huge problem.

Love the bit about the coat it's hillarious 😂

Sceptical123 · 31/10/2024 17:53

Celia24 · 31/10/2024 08:55

@K0OLA1D clearly LTB is not my first option

The main issue I have is having expressed what a massive turn off they are he got one anyway.

I actually think this is a problem because it shows he doesn't care about my opinion. Does no one see this pov?

It’s probably a pushback to let you know he has autonomy over his own body and decision making and wont let anyone dictate to the contrary. He’s laying his boundaries. It’ll probably be gone in a month so why are you freaking out? The more you react the longer it’ll probably stick around, if only to prove a point.

boredoflaundry · 04/11/2024 23:56

If he really looks a tw*t you won’t be the only person telling him!

how heavy does he sleep? Can you butcher it whilst he sleeps? 🙈

Lotus3 · 05/11/2024 09:55

OK, so when he says "Do you like it?"

You say, "Are you happy with it?"

If he says yes, tell him that's all that matters and be supportive. If he pushes you for an answer, you can smile and admit its not entirely to your taste, but of course you love him anyway and are glad it makes him happy.

lessglittermoremud · 05/11/2024 13:39

My husband has a short goatee, he’s always had it.
One day he walked down the stairs and was completely clean shaven and I got a bit of a shock 😂
He looked about 10 years younger and a little odd. When asked what I thought about it, I replied it was his face but I preferred the goatee. He couldn’t be bothered with the upkeep of daily shaving so it soon grew back within a week or two and I was so glad. But if he kept it up it wouldn’t have bothered me, if he had just had a moustache I may have had a giggle but ultimately he would have still been the same person and it’s up to him how he presents himself.
Ive had my hair all different lengths, my husband prefers it long but has never really said much when I’ve chopped it all off.
I think all you can say is that you think he looks better without the moustache if he decided to keep it but that it’s his choice if he keeps it, and then your choice if you want to continue dating someone sporting a moustache.

MarvellousMonsters · 05/11/2024 16:00

Celia24 · 30/10/2024 18:08

Its truly awful.

The sides are turned down like a sad face.

A Mexican handlebar. It's a classic movember tache.

If you don't like it, just say 'not gonna lie, I really don't like it' or 'I can tolerate it for movember but I'm looking forward to you growing your beard back' or 'yeah, no, I'm not ok with it' or 'I'm not a fan, I liked the trimmed beard though'

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 05/11/2024 16:14

I have never liked moustaches which is a pity as since menopause I could grow one very quickly.
A few years ago a new staff member joined our team. He had a huge moustache, sort of droopy but aggressively bristley. I was working at my desk and heard him,and the other male staff talking about Movember and comparing their crops! Wasn't really listening.
I turned round and said to him " bet you'll be glad to see the back of that specimen "
Early December I realised he hadnt grown it for Movember.

RobertaFirmino · 05/11/2024 16:20

I don't care how the word is spelled, it's the pronunciation 'mush tash' that grates.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 05/11/2024 16:50

A few years ago DP mentioned getting her hair cut short, like pixie cut short, and I told her I wasn't really a fan of short hair on women, that I didn't find it particularly attractive.

One day a couple of month later she comes home with a pixie cut, and my heart sank like a stone. I made the right noises, told her it looked good, because it did, but at the same time on a purely physical level I felt less attracted to her.

Give it a month, and she asks why we're not having as much sex. Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that we were having less sex, but the correlation was obvious.

She grew her hair out again.

CountryGirlInTheCity · 05/11/2024 17:56

I think just tell him you much preferred it before. DH is clean shaven and knows that I’m not keen on beards - not particularly for aesthetic reasons but I don’t like being prickled when we kiss. He likes being kissed so he shaves every morning! On the odd occasion he doesn’t (holiday or whatever) I’ll know he’s in the mood when he suddenly disappears off later in the day for a shave!

When we first met (18/19) I had long hair down my back and he loved it. As time went on, I had it cut shorter and shorter (having children made it too much extra work!) until it was shoulder length and I kept it that way for years, still got lots of compliments and he still liked it, but would sometimes talk about how much he loved it really long. About 8 years ago I got a new hairdresser and she did a good cut but my hair gradually got shorter until it was way above my shoulders. I quite liked it but I noticed that over time DH complimented me on my hair less and less. I really missed that and asked him why. He just said he preferred my hair longer. Cue Covid and I don’t have a haircut for months and he’s all over it again! I’ve kept it longer ever since Covid ‘cos I like the compliments.

My point is that if your reaction matters to him and he wants positive feedback for his appearance, he’lI probably lose the moustache fairly promptly if he’s not getting compliments and the physical attention he’d like.

ZoeDavoMCR · 05/11/2024 21:47

Just say I absolutely hate it, is this trial of a moustache coming to and end soon? I hope it is……that’s it he then knows your thoughts on it clear as day. If he insists on keeping it that’s his choice and you have to decide whether you can deal with it

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