Is it o.k to let your 11 year old daughter hang out on the local park?

[Sammy900]

Reasonable - Of course it's fine, all the other kids are, can't keep them locked in forever, got to start somewhere, build up trust time, etc

Unreasonable - No way, don't send her to the wolves, she isn't street wise, way too young, gangs of teenagers, creeps and weirdos, county lines, worst place possible to hang out, etc

Hi

Just looking for advice, preferably from parents who have been through this before or are going through it. My daughter is 11 in Yr7 and it's time to give her some more freedom. She's had sleep overs at friends and gone to friends houses etc.

She has a phone and has been walking to and from her new secondary school with her friends so far so has been getting used to that, but not really across the park, just sticking to the streets.

Recently she has been asking to meet with some friends after school on a Friday on the park and we have a few concerns but also don't want to be strict over-bearing parents and realise we need to allow her some time out of the house to just hang around with her friends.

The issue is it's getting darker and as a local urban park usually does, attracts older kids/ teens most likely a bit of dodgy this and that going on, Friday night after dark is not safe I don't think.

She then asked to meet some friends in the day between 2-4 - we said o.k this sounds fine..who are you meeting? Bit of a sketchy answer, umm I think so and so is going, maybe ...then I asked if they could call for her so we know who it is - nope this isn't the plan. Then it turns out she wants to meet a boy in her year group and it is just going to be those two. I feel uncomfortable about this as A) never met him, not sure where he lives or anything - this is a new friend she's met at school...B) She's not yet even tried hanging out with a few of her girl mates on the park yet.

I've said no to this this time until we know who he is and she said they both understand and perhaps mums can swop numbers and arrange something. I don't want to make her feel embarrassed if this is a new boyfriend by monitoring everything and introducing parents and all that..but equally need to know where she is who she is with and safeguard her.

How the hell has this all crept up so soon!!

How does everyone else deal with it. What are your thoughts please

Cheers

Yes a year 7 home by 6pm unless being collected from a friends house or at an organised activity seems reasonable to me.

I always did home by the year youjust finished in the Summer holidays so 7pm for a 12 year old, 8pm at 13 etc this is for regular curfew obviously there are exeptions.

Mine is 11, just started Y7. I have let her go out and about with friends, they either go to park, high street or friends house. I think good to have independence and as long have agreed a return time, she is contactable etc I am happy.

I am also wondering how on earth these kids have the time to hang around anywhere. My dc have tons of homework every single night. They couldn’t stay out to 8/9pm if they wanted to.
Add in sports commitments and the odd club and dinner, having a shower, talking through their day. There just wouldn’t or shouldn’t be the time.

Clearly some children are being let down in terms of academic discipline as well.

It seems to be creating a cycle of deprivation.

As the teachers have said on here, they can tell which children go to the park, and which ones don’t. That speaks volumes.

YABVVVVVVU - 11?!?!? Absolutely not!

WTF???????????

This is neglect. 6 years old????????

….

Don’t be ridiculous

Typical MN hysteria

Completely normal in Scotland. All the kids play out.

I wouldn't let my 11 year old 'hang around on the high street'. Playing at the local park with friends in day light hours is fine (and I can see it from the bedroom window). Allowing them to roam the streets with no purpose is surely asking for trouble?

That sounds like a good plan for the start of this independence.

Some allow it, some don't. It gets dark at around 4:30 in autumn and winter and secondary school students get home around 4. What would they be doing hanging around in a dark park? Not keen on teens loitering, the well looked after ones are usually busy doing homework and extra curricular. Going to the park in summer to play a ball game, have a picnic or ice cream is different. 11 year olds dating is sad 😬they're emotionally not ready for romantic relationships (trying to phrase it politely) and time spend dating is time not spent building good friendships, studying or learning new life skills, or simply having age appropraite fun and downtime. I know some parents think it's cute or so mature, no, it's not, it's weird.

Ok to meet up in day time if she lets you know plans and agrees to stick to them.

No to park after dark.

Don’t be hysterical!
Jeez, how would you cope in Japan?! They let kids as young as three run errands for their parents!

I think not allowing 11 year olds to go rhe park during daylight hours is sad, every minute of everyday needn't be scheduled. If school finishes at 3 there is an hour or so before it gets dark. Also what is wrong with them going to the high street/ town centre for a browse in Primark and a hot chocolate ? Sometimes I think I live in a parralel universe.

Because 11 year old children shouldn't be 'browsing round the shops' by theirselves or with other children of a similar age. Different for a 15 or 16 year old. It's not OK to let a child roam around. I must be old school.

@PaperTyger

I cannot say dd won’t be in a car accident. I can say that’s more likely to happen than some bad event at our village park whilst she’s there.

@Savingthehedgehogs

There is nothing wrong with being coddled as a child. When it interferes with normal development then it is an issue. I am having to get my dd to learn to take care of herself because she finds all of this so scary. She will basically be an adult and potentially want to be at university in less than 2 years. There is a massive amount of work, which needs to be done to get to that point and if I don’t, she won’t be ready. That comes from a highly trained professional, not just me.

Out of her friends, whom she hangs round with, one has parents in the police (force, not admin) and the other has two teachers (one at dd’s secondary, the other at state, post 16). If they think what dd does is safe enough for their child, it’s safe enough for mine.

At this point, I think it best to agree to disagree. 🤷‍♀️

Fifteen or 16? You can marry at 16, not that I would recommend this. My dd’s friend is post 16 and taking the train to college into London now on a fast 1 hour service plus the tube and her parents are very protective. Secondary school kids take the tube from year 7 onwards. My year 12, 16 yo dd has been taking the train to a city every now and then 30 miles away for the past 2 years.

I can’t remember the age I allowed my dd into the city alone with her friends. I imagine it was when she was about 13 and I stayed around town the first couple of times. She was definitely allowed to go to the local shopping centre with a Primark by the start of secondary school. In the beginning I sat in the car then
when I left dd she was shopping for a bit and into McDonald’s for lunch.

I do think it depends where you live and what normally happens there. We live in a town with a huge shopping centre. It has a mall with loads if shops. In year 6 at primary school parents would often let their kids go to the mall for an hour or two - usually a parent would be in a nearby cafe. We could walk to these shops, it was part of our local area. Kids from further away didn't tend to do this.

So I do think that context matters.

I would be happier about the park scenario if it was right by my house, not if it was near school say.

But whatever, you all need to agree a plan if anything happens.

Why not ?

Because wandering round the shops with no money or purpose is a chav pastime.

Seriously ? Well that's me told then.

I spent a huge amount of my adolescence in Covent Garden, Oxford Street and Whitely's in Bayswater.

We ha money for a Millie's cookies, sometimes someone had some birthday money. Being good at shopping takes practice !

Sorry but now I see who the parents are of the young people I see aimlessly hanging around and getting up to no good after school.

Shocked to see so many responses about a child so young to hang around a park alone.

I don't think some of you are very up to date with the teams or what goes on even in schools these days, not to talk of unsupervised in a park.

I am thankful as a close to 40 year old that my parents have more sense to "helicopter parent" as some seem to call it I.e. know where I was a young teen and not let me hang out aimlessly after school when I should have been doing homework or other productive things.

Completely agree!

I’d like to know how many of the parents that think it’s unreasonable for an 11 year old to hang around with their mates after school somewhere also allow their children smart phones with Snapchat etc.

I know which one would make me more nervous. Paedophiles don’t need to hang around in parks anymore, they can just just on social media to groom