To not drive a team mate home?

[everlyevers]

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

I agree with this actually. What I also think is that the OP has recently joined herself and is an unknown quantity. Probably no-one else wants the responsibility and they’re all hoping the OP would say yes.

OP it’s fine to say you were caught on the hop but it isn’t actually convenient as it’s out of your way. You couldn’t make it a regular commitment, however happy to be on a rota with the rest of the team if needed. That puts everyone back in the frame.

5 minutes each way! What a fucking liberty!

Are you sure that they meant every week? Just take them the first time and if they ask again say no.

And to those telling the OP to walk, a couple of minutes drive from my house gets you 2 miles away down narrow rural roads with no grass verge - not really something to do in the dark.

Maybe op drives to venue, even though it’s close, because she has lots sports gear to take with her? Golf clubs? Bowls? Etc.

@MarkWithaC

I'm female, nice try at woman-splaining though. I don't think the OP has specified that she'd be travelling at a time when it'll be dark.

I wasn't 'woman-splaining' I was just suggesting it was something you may not have thought about, and something to keep in mind, if you weren't a woman 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Hey, I'm sorry, when you asked me at training if I would give X a lift I didn't have time to think through the implications of what I would be committed to every week if I agreed. It's not going to be practical for me to give them a lift regularly, so I think it's clearer if I say no from the start so that there's no awkwardness. Hope they can find a solution."

🙄

Say you're going to be walking from now on.

Go back to the person who asked you for the favour - give them a call or send a text TODAY and say "You caught me on the hop the other day. I'm afraid I can't give a lift to X. They'll have to make other arrangements."

You do not have to apologise or give a reason. Declining the opportunity to be somebody's chauffeur is not rude.

This is such a mad, MN response 😂

For goodness sake, OP, don't do any of this. Just say sorry, on refelection you can't do it.

Oh, btw, I won't be able to give any lifts, it's too much of a commitment long term.
Why ?
Because I've decided its too much of a commitment...

If the game is only a few minutes drive then why don't you walk/jog/cycle it? You'll gain extra fitness too, win,win.

If you don't want to, just say you don't want to. No need to dress it up with excuses.

If you wanted to drive to the next town over, then I imagined me you'd be looking at teams there

But you didn't. You found a team right near you.

Why on earth would the new person think it was ok to turn up and expect to be driven about.

Yanbu

Or just say no?

If it is a couple of minutes drive to the sports area could you walk? Tell everyone you are trying to get fitter. Take a track suit or warmer clothing to put on afterward. No Car = no lift.

If it's only a couple of minutes drive, why don't you walk anyway. Surely they do t expect you to make a special trip to pick her up?

She said she doesn't want to walk.

Just say that you had a look at your diary/schedule after you said yes, and realized that you won't be able to commit due to a variety of factors on your side. You are sorry and hope they can figure it out.

Keep it simple and true.

I'm.gobsmacked at all the people suggesting she walks tbh.

Why?

Does it matter whether you know why she drives or what you would do? She doesn't live in your house or on your road or in your area. She doesnt live your life and she isnt you. So it's irrelevant what you would do. She's not asking for advice on her own travel plans.

Why should she start walking to avoid giving someone else a lift?!

I'm just astounded that some women would consider it reasonable for her to change her entire routine to give her a valid reason to say no to an unreasonable request.

It's mind boggling!

I think it's better to face these things and be honest rather than just make up things or get the response back open to conversation. I would just go back to the person who asked you and tell them that "on reflection/after discussing it with my friends, it's not something I can commit to, so I'm afraid x will have to find an alternative ". I agree it's a hard conversation but it will be for the best. Even better if you can send it by email/text/WhatsApp!!

I'm a recovering people pleaser and there is just such freedom in replying to people "sorry, no , I can't do that at the moment ". Like you, I'd always agree to stuff I didn't want to do....and then get in such an anxious muddle trying to spend the next day/week/month getting out of it...waffling on about stories and reasons why I couldn't.

It takes such courage and practice but really just a "no sorry I can't take that on right now " is a full and complete sentence.

Tbh I think it's a bit cheeky that you've been asked. If I wanted to join something I'd factor in how I was going to get there and back, it's unfair to expect someone just to come forward. I've given lifts to people I've met at work or through groups and that's because I know them, but even then, it's only once or twice, I wouldn't want to do it regularly. Tbh I like being in my car with the radio on, it's about the only time I get on my own!

Just say no its out of your way. "Sorry but you caught me off guard I'm not signing up to drive back and forth to x after every game."

This is just cheeky. It would be different if it were on your way home or took you up to 5 mins more but 10 mins out your way is annoying and 20 mins out your way every time is downright rude.

Have a think about this. So many people are saying similar.

Now, why? Why are there so many passive women on here who are willing to change what they do to suit another person, rather than saying no?

Yes, I drive to my sport so that I have somewhere to leave my coat and to avoid walking home in the cold and dark in wet clothes, but if it was simple laziness, I'm not going to change my routine just to have a reason to decline to do a favour.

Actually, as I've said, I'd do the favour becuase I find doing things for others comes back tenfold, but if I don't want to for some reason, I'd just say no.

Hell no! If she is an adult and want extra activities she can find her own way to and from. Especially when you live just a couple of minutes away