To not drive a team mate home?

[everlyevers]

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

Tbh, I'd imagine things exactly how it happened. Very few people would actually have the nerve to turn up somewhere just expecting someone else.to take them home and the organiser had to know about it in advance to be the one to approach the OP.

The OP should never have been put on the spot in the first place.

Who will be paying for the extra petrol for the team mate? Why didn't the teammate arrange transport for himself? Will you be paid for this as it will take up a lot of your free time? Why can't this teammate take a bus, train or taxi? Why can't the person who ordered you take them? How is this your problem? Why did this teammate join the team if he didn't think it through completely? Was he just planning to beg for rides? I mean, one off is fine but every single time? Do you know what is a whole sentence. No. That is a whole sentence.

If you've said that it should be okay, that gives you the opportunity to say that you've looked at it and actually it doesn't work for you.
They then can't hold it against you as you never actually said yes I'd be happy to do it, as should implies that it might not work for you.

You could skip a few training sessions and not be available at all to drive the new person home.

They will find someone else during your absence and if you are asked again you can say "no sorry, it's not on my way home."

Wow. Has someone been mean to you and you thought you'd pass it forward? OP is already anxious. Try and be kinder maybe

Way to project eh...🤦‍♂️

No, yours was a really odd reply, tbh.

No more odd than the OP who didnt say no while she admits herself saying "i was thinking no way!"

But didnt say no...

You could suggest everyone takes it in turns. When I didn't have a car I was so grateful to those who helped me out and have passed it on to others. They were work colleagues though and it wasn't too far out of the way, but so kind of them. X

I would say no, even if I could drop them on my way back - I definitely wouldn't if I had to go out of my way. I like to leave places when I'm ready (and not wait for someone), I like the quiet of driving on my own, I want the freedom of stopping off at the shop or leaving the car behind and walking/cycling if I want. I'd say no and you certainly shouldn't be volunteered, if someone can't get themselves somewhere they shouldn't sign up to a weekly event.

I would've thought that the 'obvious choice ' for lifts would be the person who drives past/near to the turn off for teams mate's village/house rather than the person who lives closest to the training ground. The person closest is the worst choice, as no matter where the team mate needs to get to, it is away from the ground/OPhouse.
OP just use one of the PP format for saying no (eg I've had a look and it doesn't work for me)
It's not on you to be a taxi service

I have been in this situation a few times before I found the nerve to start saying no. One was a girl I worked with, I did technically pass the general area that she lived in, but it still added around 20 minutes onto my day (lifts were both to and from work) I was very occasionally offered a bit of petrol money and during the school holidays her kids also piled in the car to be dropped off at childcare! We were friends which I think maybe made her feel that it was ok. This went on for about 2 years before I went on mat leave and it came to a natural end, she then passed her driving test lol.
Another was an elderly gentleman who attended a same group as me. We moved house and it turned out he lived at the top of my road so guess who got roped into picking him up and bringing him home every week lol little old me!
Both of these 2 scenarios were when I was in my late teens/early twenties when I wouldn't say boo to a goose, now I would just say 'no sorry, I can't commit to that' and never look back lol I'm a bit more forthcoming and bolshy in my mid 40's 😂

Why would she expect someone to take her home after every game when no one lives in the same area as her? Why did she join something when she has no means of getting home?
She can always catch an uber bus.

Send a txt saying u were caught off guard but on second thought it will not work for you to drop them off, u have other commitments after the game

Just say no. Tell the person so they know. They can make the decision whether they can attend then.

you don’t need to explain why and any of the other group that says you are being wrong needs to offer it. suggest that you take it in turns and see what the team say.

not your responsibility

How negative can you be? What a friendly , considerate person you will come over as being .... not. Can't believe you even posted this.

Right? Why on earth would you make up a complete fabrication???

If it’s a couple minutes away could you walk?
Say you're trying to do your bit for the planet and cut down the amount you’re spending on petrol so you’re really sorry but won’t be able to offer a lift anymore.

But why? She wants to drive. She has her reasons for that.

Why are people still suggesting she walks instead of just saying no?

Would you really change your entire routine rather than just say no to someone?

I think people are suggesting that as OP said yes to it when she meant no and even since posting she STILL hasn't told them no 😂🤯

I've given lifts when they lived in my route home not a chance I'd drive past my house to take them to another town why join a club when you can't get home 🙃 not your problem they either sort something out or quit

You’re suggesting she misses her training that she enjoys - rather than just saying ‘no that doesn’t work for me.

I totally agree it’s not fair on you, especially being put in the spot like that, but I have a friend who can’t drive anymore due to medical issues (seizures) and I really feel for them not being able to do so many things as they have had to surrender their driving license. I get this isn’t your friend, so it’s not quite the same thing, but is a 5 minute extra drive really that big a deal?

I would get in touch and make it clear that when you said it should be fine, you meant as a one off. Time is precious, everyone is busy, you could phrase it how you like but make it clear you are not willing to add 15 or so min to your day every time from now eg:
“Sorry just clocked you asked for weekly lifts. I joined this group partly due to how convenient it is, I have so much going on I’m not able to go to your town before/after games on a regular basis, but I’m happy to do it this week while you work out your regular plan!”
and don’t let anyone else guilt trip you - if they think it should be done, they can do it.

Get them to walk from your house. Just play dumb and say you didn’t realise that wasn’t the plan all along.

but I have a friend who can’t drive anymore due to medical issues (seizures) and I really feel for them not being able to do so many things as they have had to surrender their driving license.

Surely, they can still do those things, they just have to get a taxi, bus or train?