To not drive a team mate home?

[everlyevers]

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

Lots of posters, not just Marc have suggested walking. The OP hasn't answered why that's not possible. Where I live a 2 minute drive is really walkable at night in a well lit, busy, area. I know not all are the same, but no-one here knows what it's like where OP lives.

Why are you driving to a place that's a couple of minutes from your house? Just say 'sorry no, I walk'

I'm female, nice try at woman-splaining though.
I don't think the OP has specified that she'd be travelling at a time when it'll be dark.

I would do a combination of a couple of PP's:

"Sorry - I was a bit put on the spot when you asked and I agreed without really thinking about where you live. Unfortunately it's not where I thought and it's actually quite out of my way, so I won't be able to do it after all."

If they wanted to join a club, getting there and back without having to rely on people that you'd never met should have come into their thinking.

If they've joined a club thinking "I'll find someone there to give me a lift back" I expect you're looking at just the start of the CF'ery.

Yes I think dark plus the fact she’s done sport for an hour. So doesn’t need the exercise!

I go to a running track session about a 5 minute drive from me. I’m exhausted afterwards and don’t want to spend 15+ minutes walking back in the dark. I need to get home quickly and eat and have a shower. Plus it’s not a nice route to walk.

Oh I forgot no one needs more than an hour's exercise at a time

They can get home the same way they came.

Was just giving some slightly humorous options. I did say at the end what I would actually do.

She said it was a couple of minutes drive. Maybe it’s on an unlit tricky route and she doesn’t want to do that 20 minute walk alone.

I hate these type of people, we have had people join the children's sports team then ask for lifts every weeks to games. Then after a few weeks of no one offering went off on one in the whatsapp group that we were meant to be a team and that its not right that people get left out each week and rude that no one offers etc.

How do i get out of this!

learn how to say "no, i can't do that" no apologies, no excuses no uming and ahhing. Just "no, i can't do that"

If more of us did this, MN would have about 50% fewer threads...

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

I think if you need to take anything from this thread, it’s to not do this again! I don’t think I have ever agreed to anything I didn’t want to do because I was caught off guard. I would be more likely to say, ‘oh, hmm, you’ve caught me off guard there-let me get back to you’.

Practise something like that!

This is an excellent response

This! You said Fine to the query, while thinking No Way - bit daft wasn’t it. Use one of the excellent examples on this thread and nip this is the bud right away. And don’t do it again, lol.

I find if I'm caught on the hop I just say I have to check.
Then I just text them I can't.
Gives you a chance to say no and through text they can't really argue.

Ooh.........what a mean, snidey comment!
OP said in her first post that she was caught off guard🤷🏻‍♀️
And that she's not the best at speaking up, and is a massive introvert.
Why try and make her feel worse?🙄

Not snidey or intended to malice the OP.

But if she had time to think but really i was thinking no way!"

Then she had time to decline. Introversion doesnt come in to it. Ability to think quickly does - and by her own admission, she was already thinking "no way", so why not say no?

Nothing vindictive about what I said. Calm yerself....

I was chuckling at the suggestion she claims to be a drunk driver rather than just say no.

In all seriousness- don’t lie. You don’t need to. They shouldn’t have asked you. If you lie you open up to people suggesting solutions. A plain ‘no I can’t - it doesn’t work for me’. Shuts the whole thing down.

I live on the edge of a village, where there are no pavements and no streetlights. In 2 mins I could drive to the edge of the small town where there is a leisure centre (just happens to be right on the outskirts of town, straight down a main road to my village).
I could walk it distance-wise, but no-one in their right mind would walk down that road.

From the leisure centre, I could go 2 roundabouts and be on a dual carriageway, which would take me to the next town within 10 minutes. It's probably 4/5 miles on a fast road. Again - easily doable by car, but in no way walkable.

So it's easy (for me) to see why OP may not be walking. Not that she has to justify herself to anyone for the purposes of her post.

@OP - as many people have said - it's a straight 'no' to the person who wants the lift, coupled with 'Uber is great for getting about'.

Definitely stand up for yourself and say no. Otherwise as well as this making you feel like a mug, the whole team and the cheeky new person will start to see you as a wet blanket and a pushover too. None of the others want to do this, and it doesn’t work for you either. Just push pack, with the cheerful, straightforward but no-nonsense wording Borninabarn32 suggested.

Text them and say, you were about over enthusiastic as you like to help anyone out but totally forgot you had something on after the sport most weeks and the timings don't work for you.

Do it now. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to say no.

I totally agree that the level of expectation is a key factor but I still think it's wild to join a club knowing fine well where the meetings are held, and to immediately ask for (weekly!) lifts.

I didn't have a car until I was 29 and it didn't occur to me to ask for lifts; I just made sure every flat, job, supermarket, hobby, etc was on a bus/train route.

Maybe I just have a very low threshold for what makes a request cheeky 😅

I'm basing my thoughts on what OP clearly said about herself in her first post.
And I'm perfectly calm, but thanks anyway.

It pisses me off so much when people who don't (read, can't) drive want everyone else to rally round them so they can have the same privileges as those who worked to pass their test and paid to buy a car.

Just say no.

If it's in the next town, and only once a week, they can pay for a taxi to take them to the games, problem solved.