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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not drive a team mate home?

277 replies

everlyevers · 30/10/2024 02:52

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

OP posts:
Iloveewanthesheep · 30/10/2024 05:43

If you want to be kind, I'd just say I'm sorry I misunderstood the request I thought it was a one off (and do to the one and only time for their first time coming to be welcoming) and then say but you won't be able to do afterwards as it will add xx more into your journey/petrol and you haven't got the time after the games.

Marchitectmummy · 30/10/2024 05:50

If yoyr sport is 2 mins drive, why don't you walk for a bit to and from? Then no lifts can be asked of you.

YellowPolkaDotBikini1980 · 30/10/2024 05:54

Marchitectmummy · 30/10/2024 05:50

If yoyr sport is 2 mins drive, why don't you walk for a bit to and from? Then no lifts can be asked of you.

Sometimes people are coming from somewhere else e.g. coming from work, and if they walked they wouldn't be able to make it on time.

GreyCarpet · 30/10/2024 06:05

Marchitectmummy · 30/10/2024 05:50

If yoyr sport is 2 mins drive, why don't you walk for a bit to and from? Then no lifts can be asked of you.

Why n earth should she change her routines in any way for anyone? She can just say no. For any and no reason.

I don't understand why people sign up to these things without being able to get themselves to/from.

This. There's absolutely no way I'd join something and then expect a complete stranger to become responsible for me participating.

OP, I'd do what others have suggested. Contact the person who asked you say you were put on the spot and didn't have chance to think it through but, on reflection, it's not possible.

A reasonable.person would say, "No, that's fine. It was a bit of a long shot," or similar. If they ask why, don't get drawn into explaining, it's perfectly fine to say you don't think that's anyone else's business.

They have no idea what your life or set up looks like and they don't need to.

SweetBobby · 30/10/2024 06:21

Just tell them the truth. It currently takes you 2 minutes then get home and this journey would push it to nearly 20. You don't have time for that.

Edingril · 30/10/2024 06:23

Marchitectmummy · 30/10/2024 05:50

If yoyr sport is 2 mins drive, why don't you walk for a bit to and from? Then no lifts can be asked of you.

Why should the op or anyone have too?

InSpainTheRain · 30/10/2024 06:25

"Sorry I won't be able to drive X home. I looked into it and it's well out my way". Job done.

somenonsense · 30/10/2024 06:29

Borninabarn32 · 30/10/2024 03:29

"Hey sorry, just checked the satnav and Jane's house is way out the way for me, I would actually have to drive right past my own house to drop her off 😅 can someone else see if she's en route for them as I won't be able drive her. See you guys Wednesday xx"

Absolutely don't commit to being someone's free taxi.

This is perfect.

No way should you do this

Lavenderfarmcottage · 30/10/2024 06:33

I would say that you have help an elderly friend prepare her dinner several nights a week at the moment and she lives in the opposite direction.

The lie will protect their feelings, you won’t have to tell people private things about feel self conscious and you will emerge a selfless hero.

If you ever get caught say you forgot the air fryer she needed and had to hurry home first.

Ellie1015 · 30/10/2024 06:38

I might offer to be part of a rota taking the person home once in a while, but not every week and i am not organising the rota either.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/10/2024 06:38

I wonder how they're getting to the game. If every team member took a turn or it was on your way maybe but it's not so no way would I do this. You don't need excuses, it's a CF ask, "after thinking about it that doesn't work for me."

WhichWaytoHere · 30/10/2024 06:39

If I lived so close I would want to cycle walk some times, can you do that the next few week? With warning in advance of course.

TerfTalking · 30/10/2024 06:39

This is madness, just because you’re the nearest doesn’t mean you’re near.

Just say “sorry, but I live Small Town and newbie lives in Big Town which is a 30 minute round trip on top of my two minute journey, it doesn’t work for me, have they downloaded the Uber app?”

Doveyouknow · 30/10/2024 06:41

It's 2 minutes away in a car, just walk. And if it's 5/10 minutes for them in a car they can walk as well. I can't believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey!

FinishTheBook · 30/10/2024 06:43

Doveyouknow · 30/10/2024 06:41

It's 2 minutes away in a car, just walk. And if it's 5/10 minutes for them in a car they can walk as well. I can't believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey!

🙄

Snoken · 30/10/2024 06:59

Doveyouknow · 30/10/2024 06:41

It's 2 minutes away in a car, just walk. And if it's 5/10 minutes for them in a car they can walk as well. I can't believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey!

Agree! Especially if it because they want to get fit. It must be a 10 minute walk max. That would solve the lift giving and give you additional exercise.

pictoosh · 30/10/2024 07:00

I'd have had no problem saying a polite no to this.

"Sorry, I don't want to commit to something I won't always be available for. It's not personal, I wouldn't make an arrangement like that with anyone."

pictoosh · 30/10/2024 07:02

Doveyouknow · 30/10/2024 06:41

It's 2 minutes away in a car, just walk. And if it's 5/10 minutes for them in a car they can walk as well. I can't believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey!

That's not what she asked and it's not for you to say.

GreyCarpet · 30/10/2024 07:05

Those suggesting the OP.changes her existing plans and walk/cycle instead are spectacularly missing the point 🙄

Not only that but even if you might not be able to believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey, it's irrelevant. You have no idea where the OP lives, her personal circumstances or reasons for doing this. And it's none of your business either

She doesn't have to justify her reasons either for getting herself to/from her activity nor not wanting to dive a lift to someone else. To anyone.

ApriCat · 30/10/2024 07:06

Doveyouknow · 30/10/2024 06:41

It's 2 minutes away in a car, just walk. And if it's 5/10 minutes for them in a car they can walk as well. I can't believe anyone would drive for a 2 minute journey!

You don't know why she's driving that bit. Could be carrying games equipment, could be on her way home from work, could be halfway back from any other commitment.

Lurkingandlearning · 30/10/2024 07:08

As the venue is a couple of minutes drive from your house, I’d say that you’re going to be walking there in future and not have your car with you.

It would be very pushy of her to suggest walking home with you so you could then take her home.

V0xPopuli · 30/10/2024 07:14

If its a 10 min drive to hers it could easily be a 1hour walk, she may not have time.

Nonetheless op, say no. She's a cf signing up with no plan to get herself there and back.

Irridescantshimmmer · 30/10/2024 07:14

You don't have to drive him all the way, tell him you will drop him off in an area close to where you live ( not outside your door) and he can make his own way home from there.

If he asks why then tell him the truth.....he'll just have to call himself. taxi or jump on a bus or something.

Humphhhh · 30/10/2024 07:17

Lavenderfarmcottage · 30/10/2024 06:33

I would say that you have help an elderly friend prepare her dinner several nights a week at the moment and she lives in the opposite direction.

The lie will protect their feelings, you won’t have to tell people private things about feel self conscious and you will emerge a selfless hero.

If you ever get caught say you forgot the air fryer she needed and had to hurry home first.

You know that's really weird right? To make a minor lie that you then have to absorb into your everyday life and always remember.

There's plenty of suggestions for saying no politely on this thread.

tamade · 30/10/2024 07:19

I'd withdraw from the arrangement, saying as others above; its more than a reasonable amount of extra time and distance.

If you lack confidence or are a bit mischievous @marmamumma 's suggestions are great. Or just do it once and a day or so later say it is too much and you don't want to do it again.

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