To not drive a team mate home?

[everlyevers]

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

What on earth are you on about. She uses her car for a 15/20 walk journey and wants to get fit, surely walking there is the best solution?

Unbelievable.
Whomever asked you is a complete cheeky fxxker.
How dare they ask such a thing.
Are they trying to chase people away?
Why on earth would anyone agree to such a thing.
I would just say you mis understood.
That it wouldn't suit you at all and you do not discuss it further.
Not your problem.
Definitely text them if you can.

She doesn’t want to walk, and has a car so she doesn’t need to.

id probably give the person a lift once, then say I hadn’t appreciated it was meant to be every time and that just doesn’t work for me.

No. The only reason people are suggesting she walks is that it gives her a 'viable' reason for not giving a lift to a compete stranger.

She is comfortable with driving there and has given her reasons for doing so. Why are people trying to persuade her to walk when that wasn't the subject of the thread or her question?

Just say- ive had time to think about it and tbh its in x town and i dont go via there. Im sorry im not going to be able to offer a lift unfortunately.

Let us know how you get on.

Why should the op put herself out.
That's just plain ridiculous.

You seriously think walking alone and in the dark at night is the best solution?

The best solution is to use her car where she is safe and doesn’t have to walk through the woods on her own.

Have you spoke up yet?

If you aren't comfy speaking to the group, message the organiser.

Just say you can't afford the petrol or mileage. Surely newbie could bus or play for a team in their town.

It's not a reasonable ask, just say what you said here. You said yes wanting to be inclusive and nice but the truth is you'd have to drive past your home and back and petrol is expensive and you've commitments in the evening after the game with your spouse/children/partner

You don't need to give a reason. Just apologize and say you need to get home so won't be able to give them a lift.

How do they get there? Why have they joined something that's a fifteen minute drive away?!

If you haven’t already sorted this, I would suggest emailing the person who asked you, and say you hadn’t taken in the fact that it was going to be ‘every' time, and that no one else was sharing the load. It’s unreasonable to expect you to do it all. OR you could ask if the club is going to pay your expenses for being a taxi service. Fair enough if all members were doing some, but just you on your own…no way.

Hi op,

that was really not on to pit you on spot…the teammate can go back the same way they did arrive :/

“I am sorry, I am going to a family member this week so I can’t drive you back. I go opposite direction…and pass the package”.

Also, you might find that the way they do things is just not yours and you’d be better off to do another hobby or just somewhere else 🤷🏼‍♀️

Other idea :

• ask teammate to participate to the fuel
• ask whom is taking her back this week to “share”.

I mean…they knew you were the closest when they asked and they just hoped you will just do it. No?

If that person's house was on the way to yours I would agree, indeed it would be logical you could give them a ride, but you need to drive considerably further out? And then back to yours? That's called a taxi-service and no I would not agree to do that for someone I didn't even know.

I don’t think you will last very long in a team sport.

Say no. I would, but not for the reasons you quoted.

Try it once. You might actually become good friends.

It’s so cheeky of them to join a club with no means of transport and then ask for a member who they barely know to then take responsibility for giving them lifts there and back every week, when it’s not even on your route. And the person who asked you shouldn’t have put you on the spot: everyone should’ve been asked to let them know if they’d be willing to do it, not one person directly spoken to in a way that’s awkward.

So you expect op to give a virtual stranger a lift home every week, to the next town, which involves passing op’s own house en route. op only has a short drive gone, and thus will lengthen it massively.

Why should OP travel to a club in a way that inconveniences them simply because some other CF they barely know can’t be arsed to get lessons / a car and then picks a club far away and therefore requires lifts there and back?! Absolutely no chance.

I would just say you are not comfortable driving in the dark.

I feel bad for you OP. You’ve made the effort to join a club and now someone has made it awkward for you.

Contact the person who made the request and say when you agreed you thought it was a one off but that yiu can’t make a regular commitment.

Odd that someone would join a club without a plan of how to get home. How do they get there by the way? Or is that phase 2 of the CF plan, to ask you to pick them up too?

In my experience the way these things come about is -

Person A contacts the club Membership Person to find out about the team, training times, location, commitment required etc. Membership Person tells them and when Person A realises they can’t get home Membership Person says something like “Oh, I’m sure we can work something out. I‘ll ask the team, someone’s bound to be able to give you a lift. Don’t worry about it. It’ll be great!” Etc.

And then Membership Person feels obliged to bully someone into offering a lift because they made out it wouldn’t be a problem and don’t want to lose face/let down Person A (team may also really need more players, some do).

And Person A never realises there’s an issue.

I would say oh I was caught off guard, I can't give x a lift because of xyz or on second thoughts when I said ok, I realised I have to visit x after the activity so can give a lift or have to be home straight away. Just make an excuse.

Just say it's not convenient for you. Don't expand on this or give a reason because they will then try and persuade you or find a way round the issue!