To not drive a team mate home?

[everlyevers]

I have recently joined a local sports team, as a way of getting some fitness in. The team are nice enough but we still dont really know each other that well.

We have a new person joining our team and they have asked if anyone is able to give them lifts home after each weekly game.
We play in the area i live in, it's a couple mins drive from mine, very handy.

This team member lives in the next town along and it turns out im nearest so i was asked if i could be the person to do it.

I was caught off guard & said it should be fine but really i was thinking no way!

As much as im nearest than the other team members, i still have to drive past my house, and back again.

Honestly i'm not the best at speaking up, plus massive introvert & this just feels like it will ruin my experience, i really am enjoying the game but now don't know how to say no without sounding mean.

I just don't want to
a) feel obligated to do something I don't want to
b) have someone in my car when im all hot & sweaty
C) make small talk
d) go out of my way for someone ive never met!

I don't know, aibu?

How do i get out of this!

Personally I’d not commit to it, it will become a big ask if it’s out of your way. So I’d just say oh sorry I thought it was a one off, I can’t commit to it every week.

Just walk to your sport …..then it won’t be an issue

This.

Whoever asked you on this other person's behalf, tell them this.

I'd go back to the person who set it up and say you have realised that this is not convenient for you and can only offer a lift as far as you're home/no lift at all.

Isn’t there anyone else that could drop her off on their way home, so they aren’t going out of their way like you would be?

I’d go back to the person who you said yes to, and say you can’t.

How is new person travelling to the club?

The sorry I thought it was a one off comment is a good one and follow it with you can’t commit to that.

I've had this and although not great for me I took a decent length break from attending the group so the lift-wanting guy was forced to use train/deal with it

(It was a 10 min train trip but he wanted me to drive a 1.5 hour round route and he never offers petrol money, you occasionally get a thankyou!)

I told him in a total emergency eg train/bus cancellation I'd of course help him but not every time. He complained the train is 'sweaty' 🙄

I got guilt tripped a bit (from him plus another non driver!) But I think they're ruder than me and it's their choice not to drive so they should know their way round transportation/learn to offer petrol money/vary their taxis!

Couple of mins by car? 10min walk?

Do you have a lot of kit to carry or something? Otherwise, just walk? And then they can't ask you for a lift.

I didn’t really think before saying yes last week - they live in a whole different town and the game being 2 mins from my house is a big factor in my playing. I don’t mind if the team want to all alternate giving lifts so it’s once a quarter, but I won’t do it every week.

Nope. Just very quickly say 'sorry, i'm not going to be able to after all, i wanted to help out but I shouldn't have said yes, it doesn't work logistically, sorry'.

Go back to either the person who asked for the lift or the person who basically pushed you into giving the lift and say sorry, I was caught off guard but I've looked at the logistics and it's not possible because it's too far out of my way so someone else will have to do it.

I really don't understand these people who sign up to things having no way to get to or from the activity. I didn't learn to drive until my 30s when I moved to a rural area and I never joined anything I couldn't get to by public transport. Surely you look at where the activity is and work out if you can get there or not rather than just join and then expect someone to give you a lift even though it's out of their way.

Does this sporting activity not take place in CF's home town? It seems odd that she has signed up for something in a neighbouring town with no plan how to get home...

Unless I've missed something we only know the distance from where the OP lives to the sports venue. The next town where CF new teammate lives could be miles away.

Great advice

What kind of a CF joins a new sports team and asks them to provide her with transport? Join one closer to home or pay for public transport.

I’d agree to do it this week on the understanding that it was a one-off and that’s what you thought you were agreeing to.

I don't see how you can now as you've said it's fine. Are they paying petrol?

I pick this one🖕

Take her the first couple of times but say you can not continue.
Help her find a way to use public transport or taxis.
Ask when she will have her own car. Maybe it is only a month away.

It was really poor on their part to ask you so directly. I would be a little bit wary of them in the future.

People are allowed to ask for things. You can just say no. Hopefully OP will learn.

@everlyevers contact whoever you agreed it with and say “I’m sorry, when I agreed I thought the new person lived on my route home and they don’t so you need to ask someone else”

My first thought was why would someone join in an activity without first working out how they would travel there? She should have worked that before joining, therefore her problem.

Second thought was the OP says the problem she has with just saying no is she's a "massive introvert". Social anxiety and inability to say no are not indicators of introversion.

I'm an introvert; refusing to do something is never a problem for me - and when I say no to anyone I generally don't go on to offer reasons or excuses for refusing their request. If you do that, you're giving the other person an opportunity to argue their case and overcome your reluctance to do something. Some people will always try to wear you down if you give them the chance.

We need to be more assertive. Next time say no.

@MarkWithaC

This isn’t the point, but why drive rather than walk or cycle or whatever when it’s only a couple of minutes? Seems a bit perverse when you’re doing the sport because you’re trying to get fit…

I'm not sure if you actually are a Marc or not but plenty of women don't feel safe walking in the dark and it is dark early now winter is here.

Something to think about before assuming women are lazy.

it's their choice not to drive so they should know their way round transportation/learn to offer petrol money/vary their taxis!

Not driving isn't always a choice - I have never been able to because my eyesight isn't good enough. But that doesn't mean that other people are obliged to go out of their way to offer me lifts. I use public transport or walk whenever possible. I might ask someone for a lift to somewhere convenient for them, but I wouldn't expect anyone to commit to it regularly because it would limit their freedom to organise their own time how they want. I wouldn't offer petrol money for a one-off short journey, but would for a longer or recurring journey.