DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

[GingerBreadGinge]

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

I’m not a kinky troll IMAO. As I have said previously , I have corrected him multiple times when he refers to me as a “girl” It’s extremely tiring having to constantly correct someone who repeatedly does not listen and continues to do it.

We are not acting out some sub/dom fantasy in front of our kids. I am certainly not meek in our relationship. I have corrected him about him referring to himself as my “Father” when he sees himself as helping me with something/cleaning up etc. Even he says that (on a side note) he probably shouldn’t be referring to himself as my dad and that it’s weird, I agree with him verbally, yes it’s weird, you shouldn’t do that.

It’s very waring when someone continues with a certain behaviour after you’ve told them multiple times to stop.

I would just snap and shout i'm not your bloody child

For those who have asked - I’m pretty certain that he has NPD.

Why are you certain? You can be certain that he’s an utter weirdo, for sure.
Diagnosing him with personality disorders is just plain stupid.

I didn’t diagnose him. Just reading about the symptoms fits perfectly with his personality.

Sorry to hear this.

what else does he do that troubles you?

it’s great you’re acknowledging it. It can be so hard and scary to do so. So well done.

You haven’t told him to stop, though.

You claim you’ve ‘corrected him’ and ‘pulled him up’, but every time someone asks you if you’ve directly said ‘I do not like this, stop doing it’, you prevaricate or ignore them. For almost 500 comments.

@GingerBreadGinge "He says jokingly with a big smile in his face - “I own you” and “wives are property”

This isn't something that most men would say as a joke OP and most certainly not on a regular basis. What does he view online? What was his upbringing like? There is something seriously wrong here.

see a counsellor but alone. No point taking the H as he will just lie and twist things to blame her and make her seem crazy.
Personally, I think she should file for divorce and try to expedite it for the sake of her child.

If you have indeed pulled him up as often as you say, then it’s time to grey rock as he is clearly getting a kick out of winding you up and getting a reaction.
Every time he says something like Daddy… or demeans or belittles you, don’t react. Grey rock. Ignore him. It’s clearly feeding him when you react.
if this is real, you need to get out

I’m due to see a counsellor soon. Hopefully will sort things out in my head a bit more.

Quite a few other things he does which I have told him I don’t like, nothing particularly bad, he likes coming up behind me when I’m busy cleaning or working (to hug me from behind/kiss my neck) and it always makes me jump, especially if I don’t know he’s in the room. I’ve told him to stop doing that but he continues and sulks when I don’t reciprocate his affection.

It’s bad if you have asked him not to and he persists. The persistence makes it bad

OP you need to completely lose your shit with this letch.
if he refuses to stop tell him to leave - you’re done and then grey rock
What a complete creep 🤮

But you are meek - you have told him multiple times you dont like multiple things, and you haven't escalated beyond telling him - where is your anger at him for this? I get its tiring - we're all tired, but keeping on doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is madness. He hasnt changed because you are meekly saying I dont like it, and when he says oh I shouldnt say that you just agree. Years of putting up with this does make you meek.

And yes, even if you dont realise it, you are playing into the dom and sub roleplay in front of your 9yr old and even he is trying to tell you how sick it is, but even that hasnt been enough for you to find your anger and make it stop.

Do you realise you have the power to make it stop? You shout, you get fucking angry. And if that doesnt work, you leave

Personally I wouldn’t shout at him, because shouting isn’t my thing. I don’t see the point in shouting when talking will do. I kinda feel like if I need to raise my voice, I’ve already lost the argument. Same with kids tbh 😂

I would be more inclined to ask him why he started doing it to begin with, where it’s coming from and why he hasn’t stopped when you’ve asked him to.

Google DD/lg, if need be, and show him it.

“Is this what you’re doing, because if it is, it’s not for me and it either stops or we’re not compatible anymore.”

Completely reasonable that it’s not for you, you don’t have to be into it, but I’d be essentially forcing a conversation about his quite obvious kink, at this stage.

Im not a shouter either in my day to day life, but if someone had been eroding away at my boundaries for so long and deliberately ignoring when I, and their children, ask them to stop - yeah I would get shouty at that point. Actually, I would have left years before it got to that point

It's one of those "harmless" things that is still repulsive, OP - it's hard to dress this up as a good thing in a marriage, whatever way you look at it, sorry!

I wouldn’t shout. If you think he has enough of the traits to make you think he might be NPD you need to get out for sure. He will just call you crazy for shouting and use it against you later. Even if he is just high on the spectrum.
You do need to leave as soon as you can or throw him out, depending on where you live..renting, owning , co owning etc see a solicitor. He can’t be fixed. He will weep and wail crocodile tears and / or rage , maybe both if he is losing control.

I had this kind of twattiness , with 3 guys but I was groomed by my mother to think it was normal. Married 2 of them till they twatted too far, as mother did. I see the signs here. Red flags abound. Shame that it took me so long to learn but I do try to help now so others don’t make my mistakes…while recognising some guys are just idiots, not monsters

That kind of language, thought and behaviour are not compatible with modern notions of gender equality. We are not in Afghanistan!! Not correct standards are being set with that kind of language. Wrong vibes being transmitted to others (growing up) members of a family, not just the immediate family. STOP!! PLEASE!!

I was once dating someone who once said to me ‘good girl’ in a normal conversation. It shocked me abit and I never said anything just brushed over it. It happened again and I just stared at him like he was batshit and said ‘what did you just say? I think my vagina just sealed closed. Don’t say that again’
it embarrassed him and he didn’t say it again. We ended not long after I’d got that major ick

Seems petty, but that would be a deal breaker for me- I see it as definitely infantilising.
Tell him to stop, if he doesn't, go to therapy or ditch him.

Seriously I think your not safe around your children

Oooooo, no 🤮