DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

[GingerBreadGinge]

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

He’s implied that I’m incompetent since early on, I do believe he has a superiority complex and sees himself as superior to me in our relationship. He has very little patience for people who don’t get things right the first time or for people who don’t think as fast as he does. He takes the attitude of (not just towards me) people can’t be relied to get things right and will only fuck it up so he takes over. Does this to our kids too.

@GingerBreadGinge sounss like his behaviour is only getting worse the more it goes on and the children as they age will really resent it and him.

you said he doesn’t behave like this in public with you in front of others.

what would he do if you told his close family and friends about how he calls himself daddy etc. would he be unhappy that you made it publicly known and were ribbing him on it?

if he doesn’t do that behaviour in front of others - then he is choosing to do it purposefully to you at home despite knowing you don’t like it.

that’s the bit I don’t like. He’s purposefully demeaning you.

Christ, he gets grimmer by the minute. Why do you want to be with someone who thinks you're a bit thick?

I would respond with something like if daddy doesn't stop calling himself mummys daddy, then daddy will be getting no mummy and daddy time

Why are you still with him? Serious question - is it through choice or because of difficulties in leaving?

Well, he's going to end up competent and lonely then, isn't he?

Op, this is 100% kink from his perspective even if only in his head!!!!

The fact he says he owns you and as a wife you are his possession is basic dominant/submissive talk...... except you are not a submissive/his little girl!!!

The first time would be the last. I would have run a mile

Oh well that's just revolting. Sorry OP I misunderstood.

Just......no.

I'm sure he does say these things with a big smile on his face. He is hiding in plain sight his very real sexual kink.
He is playing games with you. I'm sure your naivety in taking remarks like these as jokes, and your apparent inability to see the whole Daddy/ little girl play acting as sexual must be giving him a real thrill.

That would knock me physically sick ! Very weird and strange behaviour. I wouldn’t trust him either.

He sounds more and more NPD or well up the spectrum at least with every post I read. Not a good environment for children or wife.

OP, read up on Narcissism on google, especially Narcs in marriage and see if you can relate to it . You sound as if he’s conditioned you to accept too much abuse.

He means every thing he says. You must believe him except when he turns and says it’s a joke. It isn’t. It’s what he thinks. Same with owning you. Please please please google narcissism. I’ve read the thread and you should check if you’re dealing with an idiot or a narcissist because the latter can ruin your and your children’s lives as he escalates.

This would creep me out... It's like he's fantasizing having a relationship with his own child..... I would watch him with my daughter too this raises massive red flags. This is not normal he is your husband not your father and he definitely isn't God.(Only other father)

My guess is it does bother her.. I don't think she's bring it to Mumsnet if something wasn't niggling x

Yeah it does bother me. He just did it again. We have a new appliance in the kitchen and I told him I tried it out and figured out how to work it. Clever girl! He said. I cringed but should have said something.

So why didn’t you?

Because she likes sharing their kinks here. Probably adds to their kink.

She's ignores everyone's advice and now updates each time he says it.

Grim

Oh god no this is NOT a kink post 🤮

I have pulled him up multiple times before, it’s exhausting having to constantly correct him. I understand that this isn’t a healthy way of looking at it. Thinking long and hard about whether to stay in this marriage as there’s other stuff that I haven’t mentioned. Leaving will take a long time so in the meantime it’s a case of “water off a ducks back” when it comes to any nonsense. I hope that makes sense.

"I'm woman enough to not put up with this behaviour anymore, either stop it or leave."

You are right.

This.

OP if even half of this is true, you’re both a fucking safeguarding risk for your child(ren). They shouldn’t be hearing this pornified stuff, and they shouldn’t be seeing you protest meekly like a role-playing weirdo, if you even actually do that much.

I posted upthread that the way you deal with it is to contact a counsellor and tell him you are both going to discuss this with an outsider, or you will file for divorce. And you go and you tell the counsellor everything including the way it is already upsetting your son who can sense, even if he doesn’t fully understand it, that boundaries are being crossed and he doesn’t feel safe.

Either that, or you’re just a kinky troll yourself.