DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

[GingerBreadGinge]

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

Sorry, you need to start being firmer with him. Not 'i don't like it' more "STOP saying that to me." and find something to essentially make it very clear its unacceptable and potentially a deal breaker because you HATE IT.

Sorry OP, I don’t know how I quoted you then and not the person I meant to!

So, no, you haven’t said ‘stop it’. Why?!

🤣🤣🤣

But why are you not making it really clear?

"If I'm a girl, your a cunt"

Noone would ever get a chance to say something like that to me twice.

Ugh no way! I was lucky to have my wonderful Dad in my life and no one could take his name. Just wrong, should only be used for DC or some strange fetishism.

I can't say if you're being unreasonable or not as I don't know all about the context. Could there be a slightly sarcastic undertone in his statements? I imagine a situation where he may have felt in the past that you relied too much on him for certain tasks and he may not have been happy doing them for you, perhaps he felt that you should have done the tasks on your own, and perhaps he felt that it was a bit childish of you to ask help from him... In that situation, he may have started using these phrases to imply that you shouldn't rely on him for these things, that you should be more independent, comparing you to a child by comparing himself to your dad. And then, it may have become a habit, difficult to get rid of.

No no and no !! I may be unusual but I really don't like people calling each other baby either so daddy would really be a no for me!

Oh dear. Ick ick ick

Have you been completely honest about how it makes you feel?

Tell him straight up that any daddy/girl reference gives you the ick. Tell him you are grossed out, offended and completely turned off him at present.

Because if this you aren't interested in any sexual contact, cooking his meals, washing his clothes etc. All because he is showing zero respect for you.

If he can demonstrate to you a bit of respect by stopping this behaviour you may reconsider.

Stick to your guns. His behaviour is vile and it needs to stop.

Love bombing and moving really quickly to marriage. You do know that that is a huge red flag to most women? It’s not romantic. It’s a sign of a person who needs to get you into his power, under control before you find out just what he is like.

To be honest I would very bluntly say to him that calling you a girl and himself daddy, makes him sound like a paedophile and you find it disgusting.

Oh, he means it all right. He believes his ‘inflammatory statements. . He’s just pretending he’s joking so you accept it as a joke. “You are too sensitive/ don’t have a sense of humour/“ are enormous red flags. He is telling you who he is and what he believes. He knows it’s not acceptable to you but he is desensitising you. It’s about power and control, why he moved quickly with the whirlwind romance.
You have a problem , in my opinion. More serious than you think.

This is very off. Misogynistic and cuntish.

it sounds like you are a complete walkover with this man. Do you ever show anger with him?

if my partner ever said anything to me like this I would make sure he never did again

I think you need to break this weird pattern and act like an adult. Stand up for yourself and tell him to never again talk to you like this. If he undermines you, don’t back down - get louder. Until he gets the picture. Deploy swearing if you absolutely need to. Etc etc.

Agreed. Just so you know, a well-adjusted non-cunt of a man would never dream of making ‘jokes’ like this. It just wouldn’t cross his mind. I’ve had a LOT of boyfriends and none have ever approached this kind of twatiness. People who have hinted to this kind of attitude have been out the door quickly.

I think you need to do some reading around verbal domestic abuse and misogyny

@GingerBreadGinge
The fact that you say he doesn't do this in front of other adults shows that it isn't a habit as he claims or he would 'forget ' & do it all the time even when other people are around.

It sounds like he is consciously using these controlling phrases & probably getting a kick out of it. 🤢

that would seriously creep me out.

🤢🤮 that’s not good …

You seem really passive about this.

Don't you care that your poor son is having to get involved in this? Don't you care that your little boy has to hear this, and step in to stop it?

I'm starting to doubt the veracity of your posts tbh as I can't believe someone would so readily allow their child to be exposed to this.

Weird and creepy. Also, possible that he is trying to get you to say you're 'mummy' to him in response. Also weird and creepy! He needs to stop.

OK, I’m out. You’re still lol-ing about it so either you’re enjoying it or this is a windup.

I’ve had 2 husbands and a bf who all did this. It escalates. It’s the start of serious abuse and control. Misogyny , absolutely. Deliberately being annoying, doing the opposite of what you want. The way to deal while with them is reverse psychology, pretend you don’t care. Don’t react, Grey rock. While organising departure. Always a pity where there are children.

This has to be a wind up?

Creepy as fuck. Tell him you don't want to be called a girl, but will soon be happy to be called an ex!

Unless he IS your dad, in which case call the PO-LICE ASAP.