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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refers to himself as my “Dad”

482 replies

GingerBreadGinge · 29/10/2024 18:22

Weird one! DH has for a long time referred to himself as “Daddy” when it comes to me. (Not sexual!)

For example if I need his help he will say “Your Daddy will do it” “Daddy do” or “Let your Dad help you” or “Your Father will fix it” He keeps saying he should really stop calling himself my Dad.

Is this infantilising? We do have kids so he is used to being “Daddy” but he refers to himself as my “Dad”

AIBU? Is this weird?? He also says “Good girl!” When I’ve done a task etc. Or “You’re a good girl!” I’m in my forties!! DS has even begun to correct him saying “She’s not a girl, she’s a woman” Etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
pestowithwalnuts · 30/10/2024 20:20

OMG...my bum cheeks have gone all crinkly

Diggby · 30/10/2024 20:22

Trainingfairy · 30/10/2024 19:59

Join in and reciprocate and see how he likes it;

  • Mummy will do this for you.
  • Well, I am your Mummy so of course I know better.
  • What are you going to get Mummy for her birthday?
  • Are Mummy and Daddy going to go out this weekend?
  • Well done! You've been a really good boy and Mummy is pleased with you!
That should sort it or at least provoke an ADULT conversation!

This except make yourself "Granny"

PoppyTries · 30/10/2024 20:27

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 29/10/2024 19:05

Every single time, I would stop dead and say firmly with a hard stare 'you're not my dad'
However I'm concerned you say he's controlling in other ways too.

What would he say if you reply "don't be ridiculous, my dad is all the way in <different town>, why would we ask him to come all the way over here to fix this?" - assuming your father is alive. My dad has been dead for a while, so I'd probably say "my dad's been dead for over a decade, kind of hard for him to manage this problem at the moment"

Also, BLERG, how gross. This would give me unrecoverable ick.

Leavey · 30/10/2024 20:28

If there’s no Dom/sub aspect to your relationship, then yes it’s weird

Naunet · 30/10/2024 20:29

This is revolting, the (thankfully) few people saying it’s just a kink, if it is, it’s a kink he’s playing out IN FRONT OF HIS CHILD.

teatoast8 · 30/10/2024 20:30

🤢🤢

SmugglersHaunt · 30/10/2024 20:36

It sounds like the male equivalent of ‘Bitty’ from the dreaded Little Britain. It’s a hard NO from me turns away in chair

Sennelier1 · 30/10/2024 20:36

I think this is really weird. I know couples who refer to/address each other as mom and dad even if the children are not present or already grown up. We only do that as in "you have to ask dad about that" etc. It's as if you don't have a place if not as a parent. Your husband should use your name or eventually your pet name.

LieutenantJumboJr · 30/10/2024 20:38

I’m a stranger on the internet and just reading this grosses me out and makes me feel uncomfortable I couldn’t stand to live with this person

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 30/10/2024 21:02

This is getting very strange...

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:08

Hmm. He just said it again this evening - I dropped some food on the floor by accident “You’re a messy girl!” He said. It was said with affection but it’s still weird, I’m in my 40’s! 🫢

OP posts:
Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 30/10/2024 21:09

Yes.
It's very weird.
It is giving off creepy pervert vibes.

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 21:10

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:08

Hmm. He just said it again this evening - I dropped some food on the floor by accident “You’re a messy girl!” He said. It was said with affection but it’s still weird, I’m in my 40’s! 🫢

Did you say “you’re a silly boy” and squeeze his cheeks back? I really think you need to push this back. I don’t get why you’re being so blasé, unless this is all a wind up.

YellowphantGrey · 30/10/2024 21:12

pollymere · 30/10/2024 20:17

I'd cope with DH calling me girl but only because I've known him since I was one and he'd probably do it in a deliberately condescending tone to be funny. ("Well done, good girl!") At which point I'd probably mock thump him.

Did he grow up with his parents calling themselves Mother and Father? What rationale does he give for his odd behaviour? Maybe just tease him that the 1950's called looking for a missing person? Or insist he calls you Muther in a strong Northern accent?

My DH very occasionally refers to me as Tut Wife in a Midlands accent. He says he might say 'Let tut husband do it' but otherwise would just refer to himself as 'me'... I sometimes call him Huss -Band (as opposed to Huz-bund) if I want him to do something.

Our DC didn't feel comfortable with Dad either. He's always been Papa to them.

"T'ut wife" isn't Midlands is it? Thought it was Yorkshire?

YellowphantGrey · 30/10/2024 21:13

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:08

Hmm. He just said it again this evening - I dropped some food on the floor by accident “You’re a messy girl!” He said. It was said with affection but it’s still weird, I’m in my 40’s! 🫢

I feel like you're enjoying his kink as much as he is now and want to come here to share it....

betterangels · 30/10/2024 21:13

Newsenmum · 30/10/2024 21:10

Did you say “you’re a silly boy” and squeeze his cheeks back? I really think you need to push this back. I don’t get why you’re being so blasé, unless this is all a wind up.

Show quote history

Yeah, same. Don’t get it, either. I'm out.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:14

YellowphantGrey · 30/10/2024 21:13

I feel like you're enjoying his kink as much as he is now and want to come here to share it....

Show quote history

Definitely not! 🤢

OP posts:
restingbitchface30 · 30/10/2024 21:14

Creepy AF

WorriedRelative · 30/10/2024 21:14

And you have had sex with him???? 🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

EmpressaurusDelleGatte · 30/10/2024 21:14

LTC (Leave the creep).

ThatTealViewer · 30/10/2024 21:14

GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:08

Hmm. He just said it again this evening - I dropped some food on the floor by accident “You’re a messy girl!” He said. It was said with affection but it’s still weird, I’m in my 40’s! 🫢

So, have you finally directly said ‘I don’t like it, stop doing it’ yet? Or still no? As it’s unclear from your comment.

Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:16

ThatTealViewer · 30/10/2024 21:14

So, have you finally directly said ‘I don’t like it, stop doing it’ yet? Or still no? As it’s unclear from your comment.

Show quote history

I have told him that I don’t like being called a “girl” but he continues to say it.

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerBreadGinge · 30/10/2024 21:17

ThatTealViewer · 30/10/2024 21:14

So, have you finally directly said ‘I don’t like it, stop doing it’ yet? Or still no? As it’s unclear from your comment.

Show quote history

Mostly I correct him saying that I’m a woman not a girl.

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 30/10/2024 21:18

Are you afraid to say an outright " No, don't speak to me like that"?

NotVanillaThankyou · 30/10/2024 21:23

Does he look after you well though and treat you like a queen?
Referring to himself as Daddy is a bit strange and off putting...
Buuut calling me a good girl, in a deep throaty voice and having a hand round my neck... Id be cool with.
Just about setting boundaries.
He isnt saying it jokingly to get a rise in a bad way though i reckon, he is saying it 'jokingly' to see if he can live out his Dom/sub kink and seeing if you will submit to him in the bedroom. Which is incredibly hot.
If you don't want him.....tell him I said hey...