Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Please tell me if I am, honestly I dont know if I am over reacting or not.

136 replies

nappynoonoo · 25/04/2008 12:32

On Wednesday DH and I had DH's best friend and partner over for tea. We were eating our pudding (Choc cake and Ice cream) when DH's best friend reaches over to DD and gives her some ice cream off the end of his spoon.

DD is 5 MO and exclusively BF. So not only is it un hygenic to feed a child from your own spoon, it is also rude to assume I would be ok with this.

I told him not to do that, and he said a little bit wouldn't hurt her. DH also told me to stop being so over protective. DD is my PFB but I really dont think I am being over protective in this situation.
I told them (DH and his friend) that it was not up for discussion. I know DH wants to start spoon weaning DD ASAP. But I want to wait till 6 MO to start BLW.

I have been seething about this since Wednesday. DH's best friend agreed with me that it is un hygenic but also said a little wont hurt DD.
I mean I know a small ammount wont hurt DD, but FGS she is not having anything other than BM until we start BLW.

What do you think? Am I being OTT and over protective with my PFB?

OP posts:
2GIRLS · 26/04/2008 23:24

IME it doesn't make a difference to BLW if you sometimes use a spoon for things like weetabix and yoghurt. My ds isn't confused at all.

And I have to say that I decided what to feed my dc's and how and when ect, then I told my dh what I was doing and what he needed to do.
Why would I let him decide then do what he tells me to when I'm the one at home with the dc's cooking and feeding them?
Adn quite frankly he knows nothing about weaning, and is more than happy to let me get on with it seeing as I read about what to do, and what they need and speak to other mums about it.

scottishmummy · 26/04/2008 23:24

you are following current good practice guidelines-well done,your dh needs to get with the programme and support you. dont rush to wean too early - stick to your guns

i weaned at @7mth, wee one eats anything

Thomcat · 26/04/2008 23:27

What's a PFB?

scottishmummy · 26/04/2008 23:29

precious first born

Thomcat · 26/04/2008 23:30

Of ok!!!!!!! How funny!

Oh and imo - it's ice-cream, not heroin.

Does it really matter, I mean really?

NO.

Not ideal, not wonderful, but not the end of the world.

scottishmummy · 26/04/2008 23:33

dont be mean it matters to Op and fwiw i wouldn't have let anyone feed my LO ice-cream at 5mo

Thomcat · 26/04/2008 23:37

I'm not being mean. It is only ice-cream. Just imo. I wouldn't want anyone to give my baby ice-cream either, but it's not really a huge thing, not really, not imo. It was a taste of ice-cream. My dad did it to my DD3, she was 6 months old and I wasn't pleased but he just let it touch her lips. Mjy mum did it to DD2 and I wasn't best pleased, but also wasn't overly cross.

JeremyVile · 26/04/2008 23:41

It's really not a big deal.
Not ideal maybe but not huge.
I would probably have felt similar to you (though not as strongly) when DS was at this age so I can understand but I know that I won't get so hung up about this stuff when I have another one.

chunkychips · 26/04/2008 23:56

yanbu i would have fumed. Not because of the spoon thing, but that he did it without asking. Probably wouldn't have made a scene though for the sake of relationship, but asked him not to and then seethed for the rest of the day. Did he not apologise or just say it won't hurt. That would have had me seething more, very patronising. I don't think it's being precious to expect people to ask first, there's all sorts of food allergies nowadays as well to consider.

jasper · 26/04/2008 23:58

YANBU

verylittlecarrot · 27/04/2008 00:14

YANBU
I'd have been incensed. I don't care how irrational it sounds to others, but to me, when you set yourself a goal of 6 months excl bf, and fight sooooo hard to get it to work, some stupid numpty giving icecream before 6 months feels like;
they denied YOU your right to give that first taste of solids to your lo, after all YOUR hard work
they have, in one thoughtless act, dissolved the achievement of 6m "exclusive" bf, and immediately destroyed your pride in your achieving that

Like running a marathon and having someone break your ankle 100 yards from the finish line
Like someone tramping through virgin snow as you are about to take a perfect photo
Like someone telling you the ending of the best book you've ever read

It won't change the world - but it spoils things and can't be undone.

Your lo will be fine, and I'm sure you know this, but that's not the point! In fact, I bet hygiene and allergies and so on are actually not really what is bothering you.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhh

Feel for you.

AbricotsSecs · 27/04/2008 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

chunkychips · 27/04/2008 01:31

agree with verylittlecarrot, verywellsaid.

welliemum · 27/04/2008 03:15

Well said, vlc.

And to those who are going on about "oh, it's ony ice-cream, not crack cocaine" - crack cocaine would have probably been a lot less harmful to my (badly dairy allergic) dd1.

If the OPs child had been my dd1, just a little bit of ice-cream would have had her mouth swelling and blistering. In what way would that have been a harmless bit of fun?

People who like to be sneery about allergies should drop to their knees and give thanks that they can regard allergies as trivial - not all of us can.

Thomcat · 27/04/2008 08:23

oh NO-ONE is being 'sneery' to allergies.

nkf · 27/04/2008 08:27

You should have forgotten it by now. That is a bit PFB. Baby will be fine and the best friend agreed it was hygienic. If he doesn't have kids then he won't know the guidelines. Let it go I'd say.

welliemum · 27/04/2008 08:38

"... those dreaded allergies that people are so very paranoid about" (from obimomkanobi) is pretty sneery in my book.

I'm a pretty laid back parent but I wouldn't want anyone with that attitude anywhere near my children.

ALMummy · 27/04/2008 08:56

YANBU. I remember my MIL sitting DS on her lap feeding him bits of Raspberry Ruffle at 11 months. He was not asking for it or even seeming to enjoy it, just being force fed it. My Mum moans because I put only water in my kids drinking cups as well "Oh go on give him a bit of squash - you are so mean". Its this idea that you are being mean because you are not stuffing crap food down your kids that winds me up.

I don't think it is a PFB thing at all I was the same as this with my second child. I shudder at the thought of some blokes manky spoon that had been in his mouth going in to one of my darling children's mouths.

Lovesdogsandcats · 27/04/2008 13:38

This is not really about whether a little bit of ice cream is going to harm a baby though is it?

Its about the fact that the child is BF and has not eating ANYTHING yet-its the principle! As mum, you want to be the first to give first taste of something other than milk. I bet you would not have chosen ice cream!

I would be sooo pissed off and yes it would hurt me in an almost 'tainted things' way.

Lovesdogsandcats · 27/04/2008 13:41

verylittlecarrot, you had said it all, I shoulda read whole thread

posieflump · 27/04/2008 13:42

it sounds to me like your dh had told his best friend about your issues and plans for weaning and he had decided to force the matter tbh

StealthPolarBear · 27/04/2008 13:46

OMG
YANBU at all.
OK if he doesn't have children he wouldn't understand the issues of:
-Not feeding a baby of that age anything other than milk
-BLW
-First food being something that the parents would quite like to give
-First food being chocolate

But when I was child free I wouldn't have dreamed of feeding any child without checking with the parents first, it's completely inappropriate! (Although saying that we don't really have any young relatives, that may be different). Even now I have a PFB I wouldn't feed anyone else's baby, you have no idea what they consider important!

StealthPolarBear · 27/04/2008 13:47

Should have read whole thread, exactly vlc.
Even if you are being PFBish about it, it's up to YOU to make that choice.

collision · 27/04/2008 13:50

The exact same thing happened to me!

DS was 4 months old and exclusively BF when my sister (19yrs) gave him some strawberry ice cream from her cone!

I flipped and dashed over, wiping it from his mouth, and my mother had one of those looks and said, 'Oh, you're going to be one of those mothers are you?!!!!'

I was bloody furious and still am...(6 years on!! )

StealthPolarBear · 27/04/2008 13:54

collision
6 years ago, did most people not wean at 4 mo?
(Not suggesting that strawberry ice cream would be a good start, just curious!)