Please tell me if I am, honestly I dont know if I am over reacting or not.

[nappynoonoo]

On Wednesday DH and I had DH's best friend and partner over for tea. We were eating our pudding (Choc cake and Ice cream) when DH's best friend reaches over to DD and gives her some ice cream off the end of his spoon.

DD is 5 MO and exclusively BF. So not only is it un hygenic to feed a child from your own spoon, it is also rude to assume I would be ok with this.

I told him not to do that, and he said a little bit wouldn't hurt her. DH also told me to stop being so over protective. DD is my PFB but I really dont think I am being over protective in this situation.
I told them (DH and his friend) that it was not up for discussion. I know DH wants to start spoon weaning DD ASAP. But I want to wait till 6 MO to start BLW.

I have been seething about this since Wednesday. DH's best friend agreed with me that it is un hygenic but also said a little wont hurt DD.
I mean I know a small ammount wont hurt DD, but FGS she is not having anything other than BM until we start BLW.

What do you think? Am I being OTT and over protective with my PFB?

[JulesJules]

I don't think that yabu, especially with a dairy product (if indeed there was any dairy in the icecream!) - this would have landed my DD1 in A&E with allergic reaction. I'm sure that DH's friend just didn't realise. Then your DH didn't back you up, and then you were a bit off with him in front of his friend - fault on both sides there

When I was a baby, my parents once left me with a friend for half an hour while they went for a walk on the beach (to escape the screaming) - when they came back he was feeding me beer Not ideal, but no long term effects [hic]

[PosieParker]

I would have been very angry too, what a stupid, ignorant and arrogant assumption to make that he could give your child food without asking, 5 months or 5 years IMHO.

[pointydog]

You see, dittany, why should the mother be respected so much more than the father?

[shouldbeworking]

Perhaps if you'd said "she's not weaning yet so we'd really rather you didn't give her icecream if that's ok" rather than telling him "don't do that". It may have gone down a little better and your husband may have supported you. I persume you are more annoyed that he didn't ask first and that your husband didn't back you up than you are about the icecream. I agree if he doesn't have children he would probably have no idea that it was a problem.
I have three dcs and had no idea what blw was until recently. If my ds1 had been weaned this way he would still be on ebm through a ng tube such was his lack of interest in food (he's 19 !!!!)Where as ds2 would have regularly consumed the whole contents of our fridge as soon as he was mobile and able to get there under his own steam!!!

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

"those dreaded allergies that people are so paranoid about" are, in fact, very a much a reality in my household.

My daughter had a severe allergy to cows milk protein (she'd swell up having been kissed by someone who'd eaten icecream/drunk tea or coffee with milk several hours prior to kissing her), and to peanuts (also could be found in icecream - particularly those made from all the additives and very little cow).

Well done for successfully (whatever that means here) weaning four children.

I've weaned two children. One with severe allergies and one who, on occasion, is quite partial to eating sudocream, snails and his own faeces.

Tastebuds in children change several times over during development, and, in fact, at such a young age, texture is far more important than taste, so no need to fear.

The point is, allergies and suchlike risks aside, no-one should assume it's okay to give a baby anything, and, her DH should have backed her up in front of others, not undermined her.

[bohemianbint]

YANBU - and if you said you didn't want him to do it, he should have accepted that out of politeness and as a gues, and not debated it with you.

[bohemianbint]

guest, even.

[Acinonyx]

I don't want other people feeding my child without consulting me first - and if I say no then that's the end of it. I would have been royally pissed off not to be backed up by dh - I wouldn't be so cross with the friend - he just doesn't have a clue.

I have, from time to time, had to be pretty firm with people about this. Some people may think it's nuts shrug that doesn't bother me. This rule this will slacken off as she gets older though.

[raye123]

YANBU! My mil put champagne in my then 2week old dd's mouth.
Know exactly how you feel.

[Elasticwoman]

Am seething about this. Whether or not it is unhygienic, whether or not a little bit won't hurt, it is YOUR decision as her mother when to give her solids and they were extremely out of order to feed your lo as if she were a little dog.

Come to think of it, some dog owners don't want other people to feed their dogs!

I would have got up and swept the baby away into another room.

You are not being at all unreasonable.

[Yabbadabbadooo]

I'm with Obimom. OTT & PFB all over the place.

[Yabbadabbadooo]

This wasn't giving her solids it was a tiny wee taste of ice-cream. In fact I kind of get from the OP that some of the offence comes from the fact that perhaps it wasn't solid enough for BLW purposes and that a SPOON was used. He might as well have served it on a steaming turd from the horror being expressed here.

It all seems very controlling what the whole military approach to weaning and controlling of her DH as well, and in front of his friends.

Much more important things to worry about.

(Speaking as one who has weaned three now with both BLW & and a spoon)

[chocbutton]

It isn't the worst thing in the world for your DD to have had, but if it made you feel upset/annoyed then it was wrong. However, I am sure he didn't mean any harm, I bet he didn't even think about what he was doing - especially if he doesn't have kids.
We were at a family funeral once and my DS (7 mths at the time) came carried over to me by my aunt with a pork pie in his mouth not exactly the lovingly home made stuff I'd been giving him. I know they didn't do it out of badness, but I was a bit shocked - I laugh about it now.

So I don't think you ABU - so what if you are over protective of your PFB, aren't most mums??

[DevilwearsPrada]

As it's your first I'd say YANBU. I was the same with my PFB, I went ballistic because my mum gave her honey at 10 months. BUT now having had dd2 I am much more relaxed and it wouldn't have bothered me second time around.

Good for you for sticking to your guns, your baby your rules IMO.

[macdoodle]

I don't think the point is the hygiene or weaning issues...it is that he did something to your baby that you were not comfortable with and that your DH did not back you up...YANBU I would be hopping mad!

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Your DH maybe felt he had to stand up for his friend.

At the end of the day she's your baby and he shouldn't have done it without asking you. But it is a typical bloke thing to do without thinking. Your dh is probably right when he says a little bit won't hurt - however the guidelines are on your side that babies should be weaned until 6months.

Agree that the hygine won't really be an issue as imagine she will stick all sorts in her mouth and a few bugs are good for the immune system.

[pointydog]

It's dad's baby too

[lemonstartree]

yes YABU. a tiny amount won't hurt, everyone is exposed to germs all the time, he has no children and does not understand your anxieties, this is PFB completely! chill!!

[kitbit]

It's not about the ice cream and it's not about the amount or the hygiene. It's the assumption that it's OK to pass food to another person's baby without asking that really annoys me.
Here it's chupa chups lollies - everyone seems to have them in their bags/pockets/shop counters and wherever ds goes smiling old ladies give him sugary teeth-rotting lollies without asking . Here it's a cultural thing, but the fact remains that it was very disrespectful of the guy to feed your baby and even worse that your dh didn't back you up. at the very least he should have said nothing at all if he didn't agree with you, certainly not joined in with the "chill out it's only a bit of ice cream" thing. grrr

sorry, PMT

[newgirl]

my two have allergies too (including dairy) but i dont think i would have reacted so strongly honestly

i can really imagine that the friend thought it was a friendly thing to do and probably had no idea that it would upset the mum

i feel a little sorry for the dad tbh

[2GIRLS]

No that bit of ice cream isn't going to hurt (as long as there's no allergys) but that 's not the point. I would be fuming if someone did that to my dc's. It's your baby and you should be able to choose what you do with her.

BLW is great. I wouldn't be happy that the first ever taste of something other than breastmilk was ice cream given to her by someone else, off a spoon that had been in his mouth!

Youe dh should have backed you up, but maybe he felt a bit awkward to say something to his friend about it?

[Spidermama]

I'd have been fuming too. What a ghastly intrusion. I would never want that arse back in my house again and I'd ensure I had a major barney to put DH straight.