Please tell me if I am, honestly I dont know if I am over reacting or not.

[nappynoonoo]

On Wednesday DH and I had DH's best friend and partner over for tea. We were eating our pudding (Choc cake and Ice cream) when DH's best friend reaches over to DD and gives her some ice cream off the end of his spoon.

DD is 5 MO and exclusively BF. So not only is it un hygenic to feed a child from your own spoon, it is also rude to assume I would be ok with this.

I told him not to do that, and he said a little bit wouldn't hurt her. DH also told me to stop being so over protective. DD is my PFB but I really dont think I am being over protective in this situation.
I told them (DH and his friend) that it was not up for discussion. I know DH wants to start spoon weaning DD ASAP. But I want to wait till 6 MO to start BLW.

I have been seething about this since Wednesday. DH's best friend agreed with me that it is un hygenic but also said a little wont hurt DD.
I mean I know a small ammount wont hurt DD, but FGS she is not having anything other than BM until we start BLW.

What do you think? Am I being OTT and over protective with my PFB?

[scottishmum007]

I personally wouldn't get upset about it as i'm fairly laid back about weaning and let my son try anything even at 5 mo (he's now 12mo). a little bit of everything does them no harm. however, you are the parent so it's your decision at the end of the day.

[nappynoonoo]

Wow, I go away for a few days and find that this thread has taken off.

Thank you to all of you who have posted in reply to my starting this thread. I'm glad to have had a wide range of replies, that is what I wanted.

A lot of you have hit the nail on the head when you said its more about the principle of what he did and of DH's response, than the actual action of what he did.

I know that the ice cream wont hurt her (She didn't have a reaction to it anyway so that was good) But why on earth should he get to give DD her first taste of something other than BM when I am the one doing all the work. I am the one who has had pretty much constant mastitis and thrush for the last couple of months and I am the one with norks like wet bags of sand. I'm doing the hard work I want to reap the benefits, if that makes me unreasonable then I suppose I am.

Yes maybe I was being PFB with regards to hygiene, but even I don't put something in my mouth before giving it to DD, so I really don't want DH's friend doing it.

DH really does do his fair share, he will get up with DD in the night and give her EBM without being asked. Granted DD usually sleeps through, but still....

To those who think DH is hard done by, he really isn't. But why on earth should he get to make the decisions with regards to weaning when I will be the one doing ALL of the work. I will literally have to cook and set out each meal with heating instructions etc for when I am not here. Not that he wont do it if he HAS to, but he would just buy all ready made food. He wants DD to have home made food (as do I) so I will cook and prepare all of her meals as HE (and I) want. So really he is getting a say in it.

[halogen]

I just used to chop the strawberries in half and give them to her to gum to death. She loved them (and still does and doesn't need sugar on them).

[cadelaide]

YABU

...but I would have been the same with my first.

Haven't read all thread, sorry.

[Elasticwoman]

Re strawberries for babies: I used to mash them up with a bit of ground rice and drop of boiled water from the kettle.

[BohemianLilly]

When DD was 5 months my DPs brother took DD into a pub to show her off to his friends (just for 2 mins) and when she came out she puked up, i said 'what have you given her?' he said 'oh, just a bit of WKD blue!!!' ahe had only ever been given breast milk and i was seething!!

So no, yanbu

[halogen]

No, YANBU, and if my partner had undermined me like that I would have been furious.

I had lots of arguments with my MIL (Oh, can't she just have a bit of sugar on her strawberries? NO, she can't, they're already ripe and sweet and she likes them lots just as they are, you idiot) but if she'd actually gone ahead and given my daughter sugar without asking me I have no idea what I'd have done. I'm not sure I'd still be speaking to her!

[UppsyDaisy]

that was really rather arrogant of him to argue with you I think, would have made me extremely mad, but being the person I am I would have just seethed and not been able to do anything properly assertive and useful.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

oh Almummy - i get that from my mum. "aww are you only giving them water?" like I'm depriving them. She just wont have it that they like, and are happy with water (most of the time).

Oh, and the other one "just add a bit of sugar to get them to eat it - it's what I did with you to get you to drink tea as a baby, and what my mum did to me and it didnt do any harm". Yes, thanks for that mum - that'd be my mum who has hardly any of her own teeth left in her head.

[ellingwoman]

The only thing I find horrifying about this thread is the OP doing all the prep so her husband can feed and change the baby!

You need to stop that NOW. You need to teach him.
He won't do it as well as you BUT he needs to start doing it. God forbid you had to go into hospital or something.

[hobnob]

I've not read the whole thread, but I would also have found it extrememly annoying. I do think the not-having-children thing is significant, though. Pre-DS I once bought my toddler goddaughter some of those bright pink and yellow twisted foam rope sweeties as a 'special treat'. If anyone had subsequently bought these for my DS I would have hidden them a high cupboard in horror(and secretly eaten them myself).

[StealthPolarBear]

collision
6 years ago, did most people not wean at 4 mo?
(Not suggesting that strawberry ice cream would be a good start, just curious!)

[collision]

The exact same thing happened to me!

DS was 4 months old and exclusively BF when my sister (19yrs) gave him some strawberry ice cream from her cone!

I flipped and dashed over, wiping it from his mouth, and my mother had one of those looks and said, 'Oh, you're going to be one of those mothers are you?!!!!'

I was bloody furious and still am...(6 years on!! )

[StealthPolarBear]

Should have read whole thread, exactly vlc.
Even if you are being PFBish about it, it's up to YOU to make that choice.

[StealthPolarBear]

OMG
YANBU at all.
OK if he doesn't have children he wouldn't understand the issues of:
-Not feeding a baby of that age anything other than milk
-BLW
-First food being something that the parents would quite like to give
-First food being chocolate

But when I was child free I wouldn't have dreamed of feeding any child without checking with the parents first, it's completely inappropriate! (Although saying that we don't really have any young relatives, that may be different). Even now I have a PFB I wouldn't feed anyone else's baby, you have no idea what they consider important!

[posieflump]

it sounds to me like your dh had told his best friend about your issues and plans for weaning and he had decided to force the matter tbh

[Lovesdogsandcats]

verylittlecarrot, you had said it all, I shoulda read whole thread

[Lovesdogsandcats]

This is not really about whether a little bit of ice cream is going to harm a baby though is it?

Its about the fact that the child is BF and has not eating ANYTHING yet-its the principle! As mum, you want to be the first to give first taste of something other than milk. I bet you would not have chosen ice cream!

I would be sooo pissed off and yes it would hurt me in an almost 'tainted things' way.

[ALMummy]

YANBU. I remember my MIL sitting DS on her lap feeding him bits of Raspberry Ruffle at 11 months. He was not asking for it or even seeming to enjoy it, just being force fed it. My Mum moans because I put only water in my kids drinking cups as well "Oh go on give him a bit of squash - you are so mean". Its this idea that you are being mean because you are not stuffing crap food down your kids that winds me up.

I don't think it is a PFB thing at all I was the same as this with my second child. I shudder at the thought of some blokes manky spoon that had been in his mouth going in to one of my darling children's mouths.

[welliemum]

"... those dreaded allergies that people are so very paranoid about" (from obimomkanobi) is pretty sneery in my book.

I'm a pretty laid back parent but I wouldn't want anyone with that attitude anywhere near my children.

[nkf]

You should have forgotten it by now. That is a bit PFB. Baby will be fine and the best friend agreed it was hygienic. If he doesn't have kids then he won't know the guidelines. Let it go I'd say.

[Thomcat]

oh NO-ONE is being 'sneery' to allergies.

[welliemum]

Well said, vlc.

And to those who are going on about "oh, it's ony ice-cream, not crack cocaine" - crack cocaine would have probably been a lot less harmful to my (badly dairy allergic) dd1.

If the OPs child had been my dd1, just a little bit of ice-cream would have had her mouth swelling and blistering. In what way would that have been a harmless bit of fun?

People who like to be sneery about allergies should drop to their knees and give thanks that they can regard allergies as trivial - not all of us can.

[chunkychips]

agree with verylittlecarrot, verywellsaid.