To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

I think childfree and childless are very different concepts and we need both words.

I don’t think OP is coming back.

But people who don’t have children should use whichever term they want to describe themselves. It’s really nothing to do with people who have children, as (obviously) neither term would be used for them.

Non-white and gay people are in a minority too. Are they abnormal?

@Onlyonekenobe
Abnormal definition:"unusual in an unwelcome or problematic way"

So yes it really is a value judgement to say that not having children is abnormal and a pretty unpleasant one at that.

If you're not in the category, you don't get to say what we are and aren't allowed to call ourselves thanks.

I'm childfree. Like fuck and I a non-parent like parent is the default.

I'm a libertarian on this issue: women have fought for the rights they have in some Western countries, and they should avail of them to the full. However, the dictionary definition of "abnormal" is:

deviating from what is normal or usual, typically in a way that is undesirable or worrying.

Your definition is somewhat selective. Scientifically, it means "atypical" or "out of the norm", which is exactly what I meant. As I say, I make no judgement. This thread shows that many women choose to be atypical and not subscribe to the 'undesirable' or 'worrying' undertones. You can choose to do the same, in the same way that you can choose not to have children.

How long until someone asks what all these women without children are doing on mumsnet?

I would take "childfree" to mean childfree by choice, ie the person has decided they are happier without children.

I take "childless" to mean the person did/does want children but hasn't had them due to life circumstances/ infertility etc and they are sad about it.

I take "non-parent" to be merely a factual statement and I wouldn't assume anything about the person's feelings/reasons for having no children based on that phrase.

I didn't have children until my mid-30s. Before I had children, I never once described myself as child free, childless or a non-parent. Why would I ever need to use one of those terms? People would ask me if I had children and I would say "No". Job done.

So when does is start obviously a 6 yo has no children but do they need a label?, what about 14, 17, 18, 20, 21, 25, 30, 50, 80?

When do you need a label if you wanted one that is

Often those terms are needed because these types of conversations are usual

do you have children?
no, do you?
yes I have three, have you tried ivf?
oh actually I’m childfree

This thread is an excellent example of one where people aren’t RTFT. The same question ‘why can’t you just say ‘I don’t have children’ is getting asked & answered over & over again.

I would just say 'I don't want to have children' (if I had none that is)

I’m childfree is just a quicker way of saying the same thing, I think either is fine and it’s up to the person answering the question how they feel comfortable phrasing things which could differ depending on the person they’re speaking to.

Yabu. Absolute bonkers, first world problem, taking offence and trying to police other’s language, nothing better to do.

To me it is a bit like text speak or acronyms, it would be easier for me to say 'I don't want children' then thinking of the word 'childfree'

And the former is a choice and a fact the latter a label and I see no need for a label

And yes I am speaking of myself if I did not have any children

“It’s different when it’s your own.”

@Onlyonekenobe has misunderstood what "normal" means. It's about conforming to a norm, or a rule, something which you should do as a moral imperative. It doesn't mean something that most people do.

It's not "normal" to have kids (in my moral code anyway) but it is usual.

End of English lesson.

I agree.

What's wrong with 'adult' to describe oneself?

Why do adults define themselves by their parenthood status?

I hate child free and childless it feels like some kind of badge that is used to shame those who don't have children.

I just say i don't have children, I have cats instead.

I mean, you don't say someone is petless or pet free you say they don't have pets.

This is what I have always encountered in real life. I don't think I've ever heard anyone actually using 'childfree' or 'childless'. If I meet someone they may or may not talk about their children if they have any. If they don't it doesn't come up unless they mention it.

Really? I've never had a conversation like that.

You what now?

Women who don’t have children (whether through choice or otherwise) have been pitied and condescended to for centuries.

They finally find a word which is accurate and non judgemental and you want them put back in the patronising patriarchal box they were in before.

Equality feels like oppression to the privileged but you need to get over it!

@DahliaSmith so sorry I was responding to a different poster whose comment was deleted as I was responding so my answer seems to have attached itself to yours!

Ignore my ill tempered rant, it wasn’t meant for you!

The free means without. Like carefree .

The fact that you attribute it a different meaning is a personal perspective.