To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Sorry, so my own potential children are being excluded from my own life and that upsets you?

You crack on and be the self appointed "custodian" for the rest of us eh, love?

Honestly the patronising attitude of some people because they seem to think kids are the only positive outcome in life is exactly why childfree is an excellent term for those who DON'T WANT WHAT YOU HAVE.

It also suggests you are the type to ask people like me (DH is infertile) whether we've considered adoption - like we can pop to Tesco and select a child off a shelf. Go away.

You don’t want to see it, because it suits you not to see it. Yet whenever a person without children refers to themselves as “child free”, that’s how it comes across.

To you. Not to everyone.

Perhaps you need to look at why hearing there are men and women who don't want children is such an issue for you. Seriously.

Yes, I think that’s what @CherryBlossomArt is claiming. You are excluding a vulnerable imaginary group of the children who don’t exist because you chose not to have them. And this somehow makes them equivalent to someone of colour or Irish looking at a NO BLACKS, NO DOGS, NO IRISH sign in a window. Even though they don’t exist to be excluded. Or something.

I wouldn’t waste a lot of intellectual energy trying to follow those mental gymnastics.

Dear god this thread is quite bonkers!
Why, oh why, do people on here want to label everything and everyone? if it's not ADHD it's SEN or ND, or anxiety, or 'let's make up a descriptor because we don't have one for those without children as yet'
I have never used either of the terms you suggest, simply because it is nobody's business. I don't announce I am childless or childfree in conversation. If I am asked in social situations, if I have children, I just say No and change the subject. My reasons are my own, not any other persons business

*Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

That isn’t neutral though because it implies that parent is the default.

I am focusing entirely on the expression “child free” to describe someone other than a parent who is temporarily free of needing to parent.

Being a parent is pretty much the default in most species otherwise they’d die out.

You're welcome. It's not difficult to see what you meant. It's annoying when things are deliberately "misunderstood" to pretend you were making a statement you weren't.

It was really clear what you meant.

It's like when someone says "it was irritating last night in a restaurant, these two kids were running around shouting at 10pm"

And someone has to say "oh, so let's be clear, you're saying all kids should be banned from social areas then".

Ahhh, ok. We can't just be sensible adults, who in real life would simply acknowledge how obviously annoying it would be to have someone shouting whilst you're trying to eat a meal you've paid a lot of money for. I see the level of discussion this is heading too...

Are people actually suggesting that if you choose not to have children, you should describe that choice in a way that makes it clear you are selfish and not pulling your weight and are flawed in some way?

You can choose not to have kids, but you have to be a bit apologetic and ashamed of it and acknowledge that people who do have children, even if they treat those children like shit or are resentful, abusive or just plain useless parents raising problem children because they lack the skills or resources to do a good job, are better than you because they are adding to an overpopulated planet while you are just living your life without replacing yourself, you selfish bastard, and you need to describe yourself in terms that show you know you are less than parents?

Seriously?

I'm going to start describing my life as child-infested from now on because fuck that attitude.

It’s odd that child free people are being accused of implying kids are a burden. ALL of the people I know with kids have said many times to me (not implied, explicitly said) that children make life more difficult. They have less money, are more tired, stressed, don’t have as much free time, etc. I don’t have kids so I don’t know firsthand.

I’m going by what actual parents have literally told me.

This is a real problem.

You need to stop confusing people caring whether you want children or not (we don't) with using terminology that is clearly offensive to many people.

I and everyone else don't care if you have zero kids, or thirty. Whatever makes you happy.

child-infested

We called out pest control, but they said they wouldn't get involved due to "human rights" - it's political correctness gone mad.

Are people actually suggesting that if you choose not to have children, you should describe that choice in a way that makes it clear you are selfish and not pulling your weight and are flawed in some way?

I am saying the opposite. People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight. If they called themselves something else, it wouldn’t have those connotations.

Nope. That's not being suggested at all.

What a ridiculous thing to have posted.

What in this thread has led you to post this??

It's the default in most species because they don't have condoms and opposable thumbs.

Imo in real conversations people say i don't have kids. It's online where i see the term childfree is used more because it's a shorter way of saying the same thing. I use it that way too, much quicker.

Indeed!😀

Exactly this.

You're saying the opposite.

And look what gets posted. Literally a spot on example of what I described.

Again, you can see the level this is heading too. It's very deliberate, and MN should look at it.

Who gives a fuck if a cat has no choice but to get pregnant?
We’re talking about humans. If someone chooses not to be a parent and implies it’s hard work, or an obligation or whatever who gives a fuck?
I can’t imagine being so triggered about someone else’s life that you obsess over them using “neutral terms”.

I am not even frustrated on this thread😂
Comparing calling yourself childfree to immigrant free or diabled free is hilarious stupid actually.

This. It’s shorthand for “I have no wish to be a parent”. Not shorthand for “I hate children and don’t wish to have anything to do with children”.

People who call themselves “child free”, if they don’t have children, are making themselves sound flawed, selfish and like they are not pulling their weight.

Unhinged.

The voice of reason in this entire thread!
I now have a vision of a cow trying to put a condom on a bull...
😂😂