To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Also can we just bin this idea off that not having children is selfish when literally everyone has children because “I want”.
I want is the definition of selfish.
Absolutely no one has children out of some altruistic greater good reasoning.

Sigh. People are allowed to think of the children they don’t have because they didn’t want to have them as a negative. They’re not dissing your children, they’re not throwing wheelchair users into the path of traffic, they’re not trying to establish whites-only drinking fountains.

Imo in also think if you are getting offended about the word childfree that's your problem. If you think or feel that the person using the word is somehow implying xyz well that's on you. Why you get so triggered by it is down to your own personal insecurity or doubt

I don’t think people who have children or don’t have children are selfish. I think these people are selfish: parents who walk away from their child financially, emotionally and physically, parents who neglect, abuse or murder their child or step child and parents who regret having a child but have more because I’ve known and heard from adults who were unwanted children and their experiences have been awful.

Except this "idea" was put on this thread by a childfree person, pretending a parent has said it.

For exactly this reason, so other could say, oh how awful it is.

So let's "bin off" pretending people have said things, falsely, eh?

No one cares if you want kids or not. No one cares if I want kids or not. We've all got too much else going on.

From what I’ve seen, birds start building nests long before laying eggs in them, young monkeys practise being parents, the drive to reproduce is central to their lives. Penguins face the Antarctic winter just to raise young. We all sexually mature and have reproductive organs for a reason - for them to be used to reproduce. We also have other instincts, nesting instincts, etc. It is absolutely the default to reproduce.

And yet quite a number of people on this thread do care weird amount about what other people choose to do with their lives.

No, a lot of people care about the offensive term “child free” being used by people who don’t have kids.

Oh my! I never get why these sort of threat get any replies, let alone why there is a fight about it!
It is as simple as each to their own, entirely your decision, you decide how you want to live your life.
The only problem arises when you did not want children, but you have them or you do want them, but have none. That is a sad and sensitive situation indeed.

But, the fact of it is that humans do need children to continue existing, so the majority of the population will want children and invest a large amount of time and resources bringing them up the best way they can, as it should be. They will spend hours and hours with their children each day and think about them when they are out or at work. They will seek counsel or a chit chat with other parents, for tips or just a little moan. Their life will be centered around those little ones, forever really, but mostly very time and head consuming till the child is around 11-12, easing a bit more by the time they are 16-18 or so. So, it will not be a rare statistical fact that children will come up in conversation or that parents want to include their children in activities or they have to leave early to care for them.

It’s not offensive, get a grip.

I'd give up with actual sense. Look at the responses.

It's at the stage of "pa ha ha, child-infested"

Nice to read your thoughts, enjoy your day. I'm off, and recommend you are too :)

“Childless”, “nonparent” - whatever else, isn’t offensive then either. Get a grip.

Non parent sounds silly.

Yes, thank you.

For most animals/birds/fish/plants - that is, any living non - human, there is a biological imperative to reproduce, I agree.
But we are human and can make rational decisions as to whether we want to reproduce or not. We have the brains (altho' not all use them) to make decisions about when, where, and if we want to reproduce. That is the joy of being human.
And stop the press, not all women/men want to reproduce. A myriad of reasons may lead them to this decision, and thank god they can do something about it. My poor cow trying to put a condom on a bull may well not want another calf, but she can do fuck-alll about it.
Fortunately, humans can.
You are being very arrogant in your assertion that it is a human default to reproduce, just because we have the physical bits to do so.

And as I said upthread it’s too much like non person.

The instinct is to have sex (which child-free/childless people also do, possibly more frequently in fact!).

Or perhaps I am just trying to dodge immeasurable emotional distress pain when I say “no I don’t have children”. Many people who lack self awareness and empathy will say “oh have you tried adoption or fostering or getting a cat or another dog?”.

If I say child free, why don’t you respect my pain? My disability and infertility are not up for discussion. When people stop asking, I won’t say child free. HTH.

Who on earth came up with that description. It’s very odd and I can’t see why anyone would want to use it.

I'm 60, human, not penguin.

Never once, not even for a second, have I had the instinct to reproduce.
I had the equipment.....just never wanted to put it into practice and have a child I didn't want or need.

Also - some animals choose not to reproduce for many and varied reasons...www.americanscientist.org/article/why-some-animals-forgo-reproduction-in-complex-societies

Seriously. Give up.

You will go blue in the face, because there will just be this continual "confusion" whereby someone can't possibly understand the concept that you don't give a monkeys about what they do, just certain terminology is offensive to some people. It's not a tricky concept. But this "confusion" will be all you hear.

You will just get told repeatedly how you're clearly obsessed with their choices. Which anyone with the IQ of a trifle can see is not the case.

I'm off to Marks for an iced bun. Enjoy your day x

I used to be surprised how many times I read about childfree or childless adults being disinherited or disowned by their parents but then sometimes you read something and you realise, oh, sadly, it’s not an unheard mindset for parents to have. Reading this thread makes me grateful for my friends and family.

For most animals/birds/fish/plants - that is, any living non - human, there is a biological imperative to reproduce, I agree.

To behave in a way which results in offspring, I.e. have sex. Whether they consciously experience a desire to have offspring - I think that is purely human. As is the conscious desire not to have offspring.

I hope you never have someone in real life who is suffering the pain of infertility and chooses to say child free simply to protect their own mental health and stop random strangers asking questions.

I didn’t say any of those were offensive because I’m not nuts. Someone else’s terminology for themselves doesn’t offend me and my life choices.