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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do our own Christmas dinner?

133 replies

Chrissstmasdinn · 29/10/2024 09:34

So me and DH, married this year but have 3yo and 1yo. We’ve always went to either family for Christmas dinners - my mum has had more of us tbh as she’s quite pushy

We’re getting a dining table after we got rid of our island during new kitchen fitting so DH suggested why don’t we host our own dinner? Us and the kids

I liked this idea and still do! I mentioned to my family who’ve been mentioning Christmas dinners a bit and they’re fuming with me and DH

said it’s all him? That its mean of me that he should go to his mums and I should go to them with the kids?

AIBU to want to do my own dinner with my little family? We’d be going to see family before and after it

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 29/10/2024 09:34

Absolutely do it!

Mygreyhair · 29/10/2024 09:35

Don’t overthink this. You just need to say ‘we are eating at home this year’ every time it’s brought up.

BabyCloud · 29/10/2024 09:35

I would stay home so the kids can enjoy Christmas in their own house. I wouldn’t feel guilty about doing what I wanted.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/10/2024 09:36

As someone who is currently dealing with the fallout of a massive tantrum by certain family members over something utterly inconsequential, my advice to you is don't negotiate with terrorists.

Have the Christmas that you want. If they cause drama, just say you will see them when they have calmed down.

WYorkshireRose · 29/10/2024 09:37

Never ceases to amaze me how much parents are willing to compromise their relationships with their adult DC by trying to manipulate and blackmail them into doing things they don't want to do, purely because it's what they'd prefer.

YANBU OP - stay at home.

Singleandproud · 29/10/2024 09:39

Do you live close to your family?
It's time to make new traditions

Family trip to the Panto and a meal out Christmas eve (our local theatre has a fab restaurant) for the whole extended family, although you might want an aisle seat with the baby it's not unusual for them to find the booing a bit much.
Christmas day at yours for your family and what ever traditions you want.

Boxing day playing with toys, meet up with family for a walk and then back to yours for left overs (other people can bring theirs too) and do extended family presents, children show off their new gifts and then have dinner

mynameiscalypso · 29/10/2024 09:40

Once our DS turned 3, we said that we were only going to do Christmas at home (and the year before was lockdown anyway). We have said we're happy to host alternate sides of the family and travel to see them before or after Christmas but DS would much rather stay at home and play with his toys. At some point everyone has to acknowledge that event like Christmas change, you can't recreate the same Christmas every year once people move or children arrive or new partners are added into the mix.

Teaortea · 29/10/2024 09:41

Go to parents on boxing day and the next day.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have Christmas at home with your own family. Kids want to stay home and play with their new presents and you get to make your own Christmas day traditions.

Your wider family will get used it.

Lollypop701 · 29/10/2024 09:41

So they want to spend Christmas with their child at the expense on the father spending Christmas with his children 😂😂😂 as mentioned don’t negotiate with terrorists and just do what you want to do

Teaortea · 29/10/2024 09:43

"he should go to his mums and I should go to them with the kids?"

Absolutely ridiculous, they think splitting up your family is appropriate??

BarbaraHoward · 29/10/2024 09:43

Your family sound awful tbh - pushing for them to get more time with you than the in-laws and suggesting that you and your children don't spend Christmas with your husband and father just because they want to see you. They don't sound very respectful of your marriage.

Sounds like you'll need to be very firm.

And yes of course it's absolutely fine for you to want to stay home.

CanalBoots · 29/10/2024 09:44

Do your own thing. You've done it their way for years and now you can start some new traditions with your family.

We caved in to my parents expectations for years and the having to travel, not have Christmas how we wanted it and the endless obligations and repetition of childhood traditions (that were fun aged 5 but not so much aged 35) ended up tainting Christmas for us.

Marblesbackagain · 29/10/2024 09:45

I never understood people with young children debunking for Xmas. By all means say no we are going to have our dinner at home.

We love local enough and late mother was very much a do what suits you person. So we always popped up early to her or she came here. In laws were always invited but preferred to pop up on St. stephens day.

Daschund · 29/10/2024 09:46

Did you not invite any of them to your home?

Original poster
Chrissstmasdinn · 29/10/2024 09:47

I did mention hosting them, and that got ignored (didn’t answer me)

my mum constantly says my house is too small and we need a bigger one lol. She doesn’t stay long and I’ve always known she doesn’t like my house

so I knew she’d ignore or decline the offer

OP posts:
SparkyBlue · 29/10/2024 09:48

Absolutely enjoy dinner at home with your family . I can't get my head around the idea of someone suggesting a married couple separate on Christmas Day to go to separate locations to eat dinner. We used to always visit my grandparents on Christmas morning but then everyone went to their own homes for dinner

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/10/2024 09:49

Have your Christmas at home with your DH and DC. Create new traditions. Why parents persist in pressurising their adult children in this way I have no bloody idea.
You can pop in on Boxing Day.
Do not give in!

MrsClatterbuck · 29/10/2024 09:55

I'm in my sixties and growing up we always had Christmas dinner at home. My Dp had loads of siblings and all had dinner at home. Christmas night a lot of people did congregate at my dgp where we played board games and had our Christmas tea. We did all mostly live nearby and when I was older would have walked down myself if my Dp didn't want to go. But there was no pressure to do the same thing each year.

StripeyDeckchair · 29/10/2024 10:13

As soon as you have children it's time to start having Christmas in your own home.
It's unfair to give them loads of exciting new toys & promptly drag them away from them to visit family.
Christmas can be overwhelming for children & it's easier to cope when you're in your own home.
Small children need to eat on schedule to avoid hangry melt downs & it's far easier to do that at home.

Yanbu & now is the time to do it.

godmum56 · 29/10/2024 10:13

I am in my 70's and we always had dinner at home. Family visits before and after Christmas. When I got married, DH was in the merchant navy and I travelled with him. Christmas at sea is a working day so we said that on years that we were home, we would have Christmas at our house and visit before and after.

Original poster
Chrissstmasdinn · 29/10/2024 10:13

and we also live close so I said we’d pop down after!

but my mums not happy also said because our kids are coming on a big family holiday (DH side) next year so their first family holiday isn’t with her

Its so hard balancing it all and it winds my DH up when I tell him what they’ve been saying

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 29/10/2024 10:17

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 29/10/2024 09:36

As someone who is currently dealing with the fallout of a massive tantrum by certain family members over something utterly inconsequential, my advice to you is don't negotiate with terrorists.

Have the Christmas that you want. If they cause drama, just say you will see them when they have calmed down.

I would not use the word terrorists, but agree it should be non-negotiable.

Hope OP you and your DH and children enjoy your meal together.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 29/10/2024 10:17

You really need to start leading your own tribe OP otherwise you will have years of tit-for-tat.
Have your Christmas at home. See your family at some point and then go home.
You were not put on this earth to serve your mother’s wishes.
Your children come before her now.

PassingStranger · 29/10/2024 10:32

StripeyDeckchair · 29/10/2024 10:13

As soon as you have children it's time to start having Christmas in your own home.
It's unfair to give them loads of exciting new toys & promptly drag them away from them to visit family.
Christmas can be overwhelming for children & it's easier to cope when you're in your own home.
Small children need to eat on schedule to avoid hangry melt downs & it's far easier to do that at home.

Yanbu & now is the time to do it.

Not necessarily, we went to grandparents mid morning on Xmas day and came home in the evening.
They came back to us Boxing Day and it worked well.

Original poster
Chrissstmasdinn · 29/10/2024 10:32

Yeah not to offload she has always been a bit , let’s say involved?

she helps so much with the kidsnim so grateful as DH works a lot so the helps appreciated when he can’t with our young kids

but she’s a bit overbearing sometimes and it’s draining that everything’s a competition with DH family to her

OP posts: