To do our own Christmas dinner?

[Chrissstmasdinn]

So me and DH, married this year but have 3yo and 1yo. We’ve always went to either family for Christmas dinners - my mum has had more of us tbh as she’s quite pushy

We’re getting a dining table after we got rid of our island during new kitchen fitting so DH suggested why don’t we host our own dinner? Us and the kids

I liked this idea and still do! I mentioned to my family who’ve been mentioning Christmas dinners a bit and they’re fuming with me and DH

said it’s all him? That its mean of me that he should go to his mums and I should go to them with the kids?

AIBU to want to do my own dinner with my little family? We’d be going to see family before and after it

I see my family christmas eve, dh pops over his mums for an hour with kids as she is on her own (her whole family spend the day popping over and she is not on her own literally)

We have been doing this for 10 years and just have us and the kids for a Christmas dinner. It's all about the kids, they don't want to spend time at a relatives house when all their new stuff is at home.

Well why should it be with her? Keep reminding her that they have two grannies, who are equally grannies and equally your mums and you won't be playing favourites.

Honestly OP I'd be backing away a bit, it sounds suffocating.

tell your mother to grow the fuck up.

We used to do a big family Christmas Day, but it all got a bit much as the next generation started to get bigger.

We now all do our own Christmas Day, then meet on Boxing Day for a Jacob’s Join / Cocktails / Games ..

We've nearly always done our own Christmas and I absolutely love it. It means that we don't have to worry about packing and travelling and / or the house being spotless. When DD was little it meant she could open her presents and enjoying playing with them, instesd of following everyone else's schedule. It also means we've been able to create our own traditions i.e. none of us really like turkey, so now we have roast beef for Christmas lunch. Extended family members can visit, or be visited in the gap between Christmas and New Year. Good luck!

Your a family with a 1 and 3 year old. It's time for you to do what suits you, your husband and kid's. Why should your family split up for the day to suit both sets of parents?
Then brining a 1 & 3 year old on a car journey can be hard. If they don't get a sleep during the day they end up over tired and cross.
I think that your husband is right that you stay at home and have a family day that suits you all. Your kids are small.
I would suggest that you make plans to call over to both sets of parents over the Christmas period if they are not to far away from where you live.
Why not ask your mother to mind both of your kids for a day when you and your husband go shopping in the sale's? Let her enjoy the reality of minding a 1 and 3 year old and she might see them why staying at home Xmas day was a good idea for your family.

I remember wanting that too and i was super bored. It just felt like a normal day. Be careful what you wish for

A 3yo and 1yo? Definitely time to start your own family traditions!

And as MissScarlet points out - don't negotiate with terrorists!

Aw little children need their own Christmas traditions in their own home…and certainly not splitting up the family just to appease people who are old enough to know better. Just ignore the emotional blackmail and put your family first.

I feel like people aren't reading your post properly and assuming you want to spend whole of Christmas Day on your own, when you've clearly said you're just talking about the dinner part! You wouldn't be unreasonable to have the whole day on your own anyway but definitely not unreasonable to do dinner at home.

If you are close location-wise to parents and in laws I think you're really lucky...as am I. I love the balance you can have with this...I wouldn't want to have to stay over with relatives over Christmas but would equally not enjoy it being just us at home and tbh neither would DH or DS.

I find these sorts of things really hard to advise on because she is clearly really unreasonable but she won't think she is because if she did, she wouldn't do it! So there's probably no convincing her.

ETA It is completely fine to just want dinner the 4 of you...however agree with a pp...think really carefully as to whether you really want this as it does sound a bit underwhelming (to me!).

Why so many angst ridden threads about this year after year?

It’s very simple, OP. Christmas Day is about your children. Plenty of time to see wider family on Christmas Eve, Boxing Day if you want to.
If they don’t like it, well tough.

Once our oldest got to about 2/3, weve stayed home. The kids want to stay in their pj's for the day, play with their new toys and chill out in their own home. So do we. If anyone wishes to come over, theyre more than welcome, we remain firmly at home and thats our decision, no one elses, if they dont like it- tough!

Sounds like you need to put up some firmer boundaries OP. You have your own nuclear family now, don’t let your mum influence you so much. The suggestion that your DH go elsewhere is frankly batshit.

Your mum sounds horrible, tbh, suggesting she gets you and your DCs for Christmas (again) and your DH can essentially piss off and go elsewhere.

I wouldn't even be inviting her round for your Christmas meal with that attitude!

I was going to say that arguments take two people so if you don’t join it, it’s not an argument any more. With due consideration for what the other side wants, I just sometimes say and usually do what I want to.

But I like not negotiating with terrorists.

Do it. Your parents or in laws are not owed your company. Let them fume.

Sod that. Once your kids got to that age we wanted Christmas in our home making our own traditions.

It's up to you, isn't it?
I wouldn't want to do it, personally. We always had a massive Christmas with everyone taking turns to host and having up to 30 family members together. When I moved abroad, this is the time I missed the most. We then started going to my ex's family who had the same tradition.
Now both me and my partner have families abroad and Christmas is nothing more than our "little family". I absolutely hate it and not sure I will bother at all this year. Teenage kiddo can't be arsed either.

Absolutely do it. I can never understand the great fuss certain family members make over Christmas day. I always go to my daughter's but have told her if she wants a smaller Christmas day to go for it. Sometimes it's nice to just be your own little unit and nobody should pressure you to give that up if that is what you want.

Oh she sounds like a bundle of joy, doesn't she? Right there in the Christmas spirit. Eurgh.

Don't be moved, OP. Have the day you want. She's welcome to come if she wants, and you've already said you'll pop around yourself afterwards.

I remember my lovely dad telling me that he expected me to have my own traditions at Christmas when I had a family. "Don't be dragging your kids around the place to see me! I'll either come to you or see you the next day. I had my turn.". As it should be! It's what we did as kids. One year we went visiting and we all bloody hated it; the dinner tasted wrong. The decorations weren't ours. We couldn't slob around in PJs, and conversation topics were limited to what was acceptable in front of extended family.

Rubbish. Do your own thing, OP.

Just beware here. Sometimes the price you pay for this help can be very very high. My DM helped us (but paid as a childminder!!!!) and has held it over us ever since as something we owe her for. It has really damaged our relationship

One of things I appreciated most about the holidays is my mum drew a line in the sand about visiting relatives for Christmas. In our case it would have meant a 10 hour drive and she just said no. So we always had a small family Christmas at home.

When I moved away me and DH did the ‘travel to family’ for Christmas for a few years but we got tired of it and finally stopped.

Now as an adult my DH and still have an ‘us only’ Christmas Eve which is the important one for me even though we now have local family.

My advice… Start as you mean to go. The first one is the hardest, but if you hold the line it becomes easier.

I don’t get this on mumsnet - everyone always wants Christmas dinner in their own home! Surely if you go to family it’s all social, bit more of Christmassy social atmosphere and you don’t have to cook - winner!!

LuckySantangelo35 · Today 12:16
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I don’t get this on mumsnet - everyone always wants Christmas dinner in their own home! Surely if you go to family it’s all social, bit more of Christmassy social atmosphere and you don’t have to cook - winner!

Nope. Pyjamas and telly all day. Curry for dinner if we like or just cheese and biscuits. Or crisps. After 35 years of doing Christmas dinners, just can’t be arsed with Christmassy social atmospheres anymore.
Family welcome to join us but they know the score (and usually do, though not Christmas Day)

Op you are grown adults with kids of your own, stop asking permission from mum and dad about what to do with your own lives. Let them fume. What selfish idiots to do this to their kids. They've had their turn to do it their way so now they need to fit in with what you're doing.