To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

@Manxexile Have you heard of photos?

You'll always be an outsider if you come up with any old excuse to avoid attending family functions.

And why can't a 40 year old wear a white wedding dress if they want to?

You have a completely bizarre take on weddings!

Don't worry about not knowing many people at the wedding and others having been part of the family longer. I think that is one of the lovely things about weddings, chatting to people who know the bride and/or groom from another part of their life.

@Spartak Absolutely a 40 year can wear absolutely anything they like; any bride can. But personally, I didn't wear white for either of my weddings. For me white carries connotations (again, personally speaking).
Each to their own.

Having only 17 guests is a very small wedding in the UK. In that scenario of course it would be weird to have someone who was a relative stranger among 16 other people who all knew each other very well! But if you have 80-100 guests which is the UK average then you are bound to have +1s who don't know the bride or groom very well. You will probably be better connected to the bridal party via your marriage than most of the guests there.

I've gone to a couple of weddings where I didn't know or had ever laid eyes on either the bride or groom before. Once as the date of a brother of the groom - and I mean like a casual date not a serious girlfriend. It was fun - free bar and danced till dawn.

It could be seen as an insult if you don't go - of course they'd incite your husband's spouse - you don't go and it makes it look as though you can't be bothered to make the effort to socialise with your inlaws.

I mean, fair enough, maybe you can't be bothered, but if I was the bride I'd notice.

@wordler We couldn't have afforded more guests but were happy with that number. I think from the invite groom's parents are hosting which is the norm for most first marriages?

Do your other children also live with you? Have they not been invited?

@Upcyled They're much older teens (one almost an adult) and live with us some of the time. They're not my husband's sons so no.

What country are you from?

UK it was traditionally the bride's family who paid for the wedding but for decades now that's not really a thing - most couples pay for their own wedding sometimes with contributions from both families.

In the US the groom's family paid for the rehearsal dinner and the brides for the wedding - but again most modern couples don't do that.

@wordler Sorry - I meant bride's! I'm UK. She is only 22 and husband 21 and only starting out so I don't think they have much money.
My first wedding my husband paid for (money no object). My second wedding we paid for ourselves (of course - as both in 40s and both been married before).

Please stay home, you sound ridiculously miserable

@rainydays03 For stating a fact?!!

I met my husband's sisters and their partners and children the afternoon before my wedding (total of 10 guests plus two small children). I had met his parents once before and could hardly claim to know them. Should I not have gone? Should they not have come? Come to think of it one of my grandmothers had dementia and she couldn't be said to know me by that point, either. Should she not have come?

@Floatlikeafeather2 Did you live in different countries and that's the reason you'd never met before?

That was how you wanted it for you, fair enough, but I think you should make an effort to go to niece's wedding. There will be other guests who don't know one or the other, who are a 'plus one', and you are actually related to your husband's niece by marriage. It would be rather rude to turn down the invitation, she obviously wants you there and I'm sure your husband and kids do too. I don't understand your reasoning.

I think you are concentrating on money far too much.

This is a big party for each side of the family to get together.

I don’t think it is all that odd to attend a wedding where you don’t know both bride and groom

I have been to more weddings where I only knew the bride or the groom than I have been to weddings where I knew both. Sometimes I have known neither.

If bride and groom want you there then if you can you be there. Stop thinking you are doing them a favour and saving them money by declining. Firstly it is very rude and quite patronising and secondly, you won’t be saving them anything if you decline as your place has already been accounted for and if you decline they will just invite someone else.

How else are these people going to meet you if you decline invitations because you don’t know them

@LBFseBrom I've only the one child attending and she's only four, but she'd like me to go with her perhaps as well as daddy. I just don't want them to feel a duty to invite me I suppose.

My last 2 weddings were like this. My husband's neice where I had met the groom once and my husband's nephew where I had never met the bride. I had a lovely day catching up with family.The second wedding I knew some of the brides family from where I worked years ago. It is the usual practice to invite married couples and proper etiquette.
Just thinking that a lot of the weddings I have been to I have known just either the bride or the groom. Dh has a lot of nieces and nephews. Also when friends got married I wouldn't necessarily known their partner all that well in some cases but didn't think it a reason to decline the invitation and dh would have known them less so maybe I should have gone on my own or both declined using your logic.

If they'd invited your husband and daughter but left you out, would that not seem weird or rude to you?

I was only "aunt" by title when I attended my nephew's wedding two years ago. I'd met his bride only once before; I think I'd met the nephew only three times because of family circumstances. I felt blessed to be there.

But are you not from the UK originally? Because you don't seem to be familiar with the UK custom of inviting married couples - especially inlaws - it would be peculiar not to invite your inlaw aunt if you are inviting your uncle.

In the USA where I live now people get invited to weddings with a +1 included on the invitation sometimes which I do think is weird because then you are actually inviting a potential stranger to your wedding.

But you are family.

I guess if I can attend I should if they do want me there (if at weekend which I imagine it will be).

@wordler I knew "traditional" married uncle and auntie couples are usually invited, but I have only known my niece far more recently than that e.g. only as an adult.

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