To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

BTW my husband's nephews and nieces also consider me their aunt and part of the family

You must realise from the answers you have a very strange take on things. What you did at your wedding is of no relevance here. Inviting 80-100 people to one’s wedding is normal. Inviting aunts and uncles is normal. Inviting + ones you’ve never met is normal. Not having met both parties of a wedding is normal. The fact you’ve got an issue with any of this is all you. Go if you want or don’t if you don’t. Sounds like that’s for you and your DH to decide. I very much doubt the marrying couple are expecting or hoping for you to decline to save £

@Spartak I would understand, especially if the bride and groom were paying (very young couple just starting out). I'm a relatively new addition to the family.

@ChampagneLassie It's not normal to have such large weddings in my circles. Genuinely, how much do these big weddings cost?!!!! How do people afford them?

No. We got married very quickly after we met. It was logistics that meant I hadn't met them before. I met his brother the day after the wedding, as we honeymooned in the country he was living in. But that's by the by, my question remains - should all of these people not have been at my wedding because they didn't know me?

@Floatlikeafeather2 Oh I see. That's brave of you to get married so quickly after meeting! Congrats!
Who you invited was entirely up to you and your hubby.

Surely you're there to support your husband as his wife and normally husbands and wives tend to go along to functions together. You're there to wish your niece well in her married life. Yes you'll be one of the crowd, but this isn't about you.

I've only met her a handful of times since she was about the age of 19 (she's 22 now)

So have you only been with your husband in total for 3 years? What about before your niece was 19, how often did you see her when she was growing up?

So?? Lots of people don’t meet nieces and nephews till they are teens. You don’t consider being married makes your husband your family is all I hear you saying. Which is rubbish and don’t expect him to understand.

But it is not your wedding you are organising and attending. For many people invitations go out to a wider circle of family and friends, there is nothing strange in it. It is jn fact absolutely normal. Also I would imagine your husband would be happy if you go together, won't he? It is totally fine to reject if you really don't want to go but you have to make up other excuse, not the one saying you can't go because you don't know the groom. Say you have a conflicting appointment, unexpected work trip, anything but don't say you are not going because you don't know the groom. How bizarre! You will know him at some point in the future, and might even regret not attending the wedding.

Well, that's the situation that I'm in with my nephew. I didn't know him as a child at all.

@daisychain01 We've been married 2, together about 6. I didn't know my niece as a young child and she lives about 4 hours away.

But you seem quite comfortable judging who your niece invites?

This is a new take on the normal MN thread of "I've been with my DH for x years and yet his niece / nephew / family still don't treat me as part of the family. There's a big family wedding coming up and I have been left off the guest list but my DH and DD have been invited. AIBU for feeling hurt and left out of this celebration?"

This is more sense. If it were my wedding I’d have invited you, because you’re family not because it’s a duty. What’s the point in getting married if you don’t respect everyone else’s marriage means something too?

@daisychain01 I wouldn't have felt left out personally. I'd appreciate the many reasons as to why this may have happened, especially if money was very tight.

So can't you see that who your niece (and her chap) invite to their wedding is entirely up to them also? I do think it would be churlish of you not to go for any of the reasons you have given. If you simply don't want to go, that's a different matter. On a side note, we congratulate ourselves frequently on our bravery/foolhardiness even now, nearly 42 years later.

Date yet to be finalised - but if it's on a weekday term-time I'll have to give my apologies which I'm sure they will understand?
But most weddings are weekends so should be OK?
Mine were both weekdays having said that! 😆

Sounds like your mind is already made up then.

It's very often the case that you don't know both halves of the couple getting married. It's also usual in the case of family weddings to attend weddings from your spouse's side of the family, you dont have to know everyone from birth either.

But clearly you don't want to go, so don't. Just give a polite reason.

@daisychain01 I would like to think that the many, many family and friends we did not invite understood we could not afford to. Where do you draw the line? If that was the reason here then I respect that.

They have sent invitations without a finalised date on them?!

@lemontree11 We're getting married type thing - date to be set. Their living situations are a bit of an unknown at the moment.

Very deep. Sorry OP but you are coming across a bit loolaa

Jumped the shark there I think, but very funny, or very very weird.

@marmamumma I respect the reasons why they may have chosen not to invite me. As a young couple of 21 and 22, with uncertain jobs and still living with parents, they simply may not be able to afford to invite everyone. In this instance, I can understand why they may invite my husband but not me and it wouldn't have upset me.