To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

@Youthiswastedontheyoung Your explanation of why / how you are different doesn't answer the question of how you ended up married, with such starkly different attitudes to finances which to my mind is a really important and fundamental thing to agree on. How did you envisage it panning out long term?

This is what happens when you marry later in life. When you marry someone you automatically become part of their family - you don't have to have known them from birth! What does your husband think about all this? If he planning on going alone and saying sorry Youthiswastedontheyoung isn't with me because she doesn't know the bridegroom!! Most bizarre.

It's not just money you see differently, tbh.

Do you not love him enough to accompany him to a wedding? I find that really sad.

Hence my point you don't know what it means

@pikkumyy77 We have always known we see things very differently here but also recognise that a lot of this is to do with very different upbringings. He was taught it was OK to be reliant (even now at nearly 50), whereas I was taught from 18 to stand on my own two feet. We agree to disagree.

You go to support the family. That's what it's all about. It's not about you.

@MartinCrieffsLemon It means your interpretation of it and mine are different.

I look at weddings and funerals as very similar. You go to support someone , in this case you are supporting your husband who is closer to your niece. How does he feel about attending on his own.

@Sparkysmum He wouldn't mind either way although he'd prefer to have me there.

I still regard my ex-husband's nieces and nephews as such. I knew them from birth and was in their lives for 19 years and we still have a good relationship. Just because my ex was a bas*d doesn't mean I have to cut off his family!

Either he doesn't mind either way or he'd prefer to have you there, it can't be both.

This is so strange. I’ve gone to plenty of weddings not having met one of the couple. Work friends and family. I’ve been to weddings where I’ve not met either - an invitation was extended to me through my partner and I was delighted to be included and meet everyone. The joy of a wedding is reconnecting with family and meeting new people. For the couple it’s to be surrounded by those they choose to wish them well. If you don’t want to go you don’t have to but this isn’t a reason to miss a party.

@MissScarletInTheBallroom We often attend things separately and both of us are fine with that.

It means you're wrong and it's causing issues in your life

I think this is the crux of the matter and you're just looking for an excuse not to go!

@MissScarletInTheBallroom He's happy without me as surrounded by lots of family, but would be happy too if I'd like to join him.

Well they invited you so have to assume they want you there. Why don't you make the effort to meet them before the wedding? Invite the couple over for a meal, get to know them.

Don't be so snotty. You sound ridiculous
The neice invited you both didn't she ,?
Now's your chance to meet him.

@CoCoNoDough It's a four-hour drive one way, otherwise I'd definitely have invited them over.

@MartinCrieffsLemon There's this thing called an opinion...

She wants you there because, when you married her uncle's you became part of her family. Attending a wedding shouldn’t be viewed as the culmination of a relationship, but part of the process of building a relationship with those people who are now your chosen family.

I'm totally with you on this. They wouldn't even realise you hadn't attended. Do what pleases you not what MN says!

@Youthiswastedontheyoung a lot of us were raised the same way as you. Whilst I admire your principled stance, I think your interpretation of "paying your own way" is skewed and far too entrenched. Accepting someones generosity is not taking advantage of them. Accepting generosity and hospitality is not mutually exclusive with your principles and, for some people, treating family members is the way they show affection.

Of course one offers to pay whenever hospitality is being offered, but letting someone else pay occasionally is not the end of the world.

Anyway, surely the answer is just to book the hotel room before your FIL does it.

It's the wedding of your niece; you can't be suggesting that guests can only attend weddings where they have met both parties? To get to know them before marriage?

She's your niece too if you're married.