To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

You are being ridiculous. He is paying for a room for your husband so why can’t you stay in it too.
you say you won’t accept as you are not a child but by not accepting you are acting like a child.

Doesn’t sound like you have much respect for your husband.

I'm getting married next year and haven't met half of my fiance's guests as they live abroad. Imagine if none of his friends came because they have your attitude! YABU

@Ixoral I do feel disappointed that he'd rather take money from his elderly fil than work for it tbh. Surely we both have duty to provide for ourselves?

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 Slippery slope. It will be room, all drinks, suits, dresses etc.

@Youthiswastedontheyoung sounds like you have a DH problem really. His lack of work ethic sounds very unappealing but it's not his family's problem, it's his.

@LarryUnderwood I agree, but I think they haven't helped him. He is very bright but flunked uni because ultimately he knew they would bail him out. They paid back his student loan for him and never changed him a penny of rent.
He argues it's because they love him and I know they mean well, but he's 48 now and the line should have been drawn years ago.

Agree. I've attended coworkers weddings where I'm a friend of the bride/groom but I'd never met the other party. In fact I have been to the wedding of one of my husband's coworkers where I had never met the bride or the groom. I'm friends with both of them now.

I feel like it would only be awkward if the OP were to make it awkward.

So you obviously don't see your DH's family as your family, and you don't appear to respect him at all.

Why exactly did you marry / have a child with him?

There's more underlying issues to unpack in every response.

@CheeseWisely He's a good dad. But he's never taken financial responsibility ultimately.

He's already paying for a room for your husband to stay in, so what difference does it make if you also stay in it?

Goodness me, you are being very silly.

It's not inappropriate for you to go, because you are invited. The couple have decided who to invite, and you are on the list. It sounds like they're happy for you to be there but also won't care if you're not, so the only people affected by your decision are your husband and child. You clearly don't want to go, and feel that your desire not to go trumps your husband's preference for you to accompany him. So don't go.

But stop banging on about it.

Yeah, there were a handful of plus ones at our wedding who had never met either of us. My boss's wife, for example. Really no big deal.

So your husband sounds like a bit of a layabout really if he scrounges off his parents and refuses to work for more than minimum wage despite having a child. Do you pay for everything at home? Doesn’t sound like you’re that happy and I don’t blame you.

@Startinganew32 Everything at home eg rent/food is 50/50 although I pay extra to cover council tax.

Are we on page 28 and finally find out why you feel uncomfortable about going?

There are so many pedestals of righteousness happening here, it’s difficult to offer much advice that’s going to be taken on board to be honest. I wish you well OP, ultimately it’s your decision, but frankly you seem intent on erecting so many barriers, I just hope all your loved one’s understand.

Not staying in a room that your FIL has paid for for your DH and DD is just being ridiculously petty.
This. If it's already paid for it makes no difference at all if you stay in it. And if your DH wants to let them buy him a suit then it also makes no difference to you. You don't have to accept being bought a new outfit but you can still stay in the hotel room and just unclench a little.

You seem to be really conscious (dare I say judgmental) of what other people do with their money OP, it doesn't matter that PIL want to pay for a room for DH and your child, and it won't make any difference if you go as I assume you will all be in one room anyway.

Ultimately if his parents want to give him money and if he wants to take it that's up to them, they can't take it with them, I understand you don't want to take money off them yourself, I'd be the same, but there is a part of this that is akin to cutting your nose of to spite your face, you aren't saving them any money by not going, so you'd just be doing it to make a point, which is quite condescending.

Personally I wouldn't want my DH to take our 4 year old to a wedding alone when they won't really be able to fully enjoy themselves because they are going to have to stay sober / babysit all evening. If you did go, having your 4 year old there is a good excuse for you to bow out early and go to your hotel/room and you'd have put the effort into going, and your DH would be free to carry on with the festivities.

Think you would want to go & support your husband.

Your reason for not wanting to go seems to be changing. Maybe we’ve finally got to the real reason.

I don’t know why you started the thread. If you really wanted to know what other people think about you possibly not going, you know now - the vast majority of currently nearly 700 comments and votes are telling you it would be rude, and ridiculous. But that’s not what you want to hear so you keep thinking up more arguments!

I do understand why you aren't happy about your dh letting his dad pay for stuff when he can't really afford it, and when your dh could get off his backside and support himself, @Youthiswastedontheyoung. Our boys all work hard, and expect to support themselves, but appreciate the help that we do give them - I don't think we'd be as quick or happy to hand out money if they weren't doing their best. But we know life is very expensive these days, and as young people just on the employment ladder, they don't have as much disposable income as we do, so we are glad to help where we can.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I agree and respect that. But we both middle-aged and neither of us are starting out.

Are you sure his parents can’t afford it? Maybe they are giving him money/paying for things now as they have plenty to spare, potentially want to avoid inheritance tax etc.

if you don’t think he has much of a work ethic then that is a discussion to have but keep it separate from the wedding.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 They really can't, and I don't feel it's right to take money from them when actually we should be at a point where we are self-sufficient and treating them! They insist on giving me £100 for my birthday and that's just too much. I'd be happy with a £10 gift voucher!

Few years back I went to a wedding where I'd met neither the bride nor the groom! (Now ex) DH worked with the groom but never met the bride till after the wedding. Never occurred to me not to go.

If the bride is family (even just by marriage) it would be more weird to not go!