To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

Not staying in a room that your FIL has paid for for your DH and DD is just being ridiculously petty.

Everything in all of your posts is all about you. Your beliefs, your opinions on weddings and your wishes.

Never mind if your niece, your FIL or your husband would like you - a member of their family - to join their family occasion...

If you're genuine then you are very selfish and really quite rude.

@MadKittenWoman My hubby is happy to accept them pay for everything; I'm very different. I'm not comfortable with my elderly FIL paying for outfits, drinks, rooms. I feel that's taking the piss tbh.

it all very odd. I take it as an honour to be invited, regardless of what you feel, they see you as family.
Take the stick out of your ass and go

Just go. It’s only one day. The hassle of not going isn’t worth it.

Then don't go. Given all you have written, I doubt the bride would want someone there who is under duress and clearly not having fun.

You can not attend a wedding for whatever reason you want. It is, as others have said, perfectly normal for people to invite partners of relatives. I am getting married in 2026 and we are inviting several relatives whose partners we have never met or only met once. You usually invite partners as it is nice for the person you have invited. I have invited two single friends 'plus one'. They are likely to bring total strangers to me with them, possibly people they havent met yet! That's fine its to make it nice for them so they have company not for me, otherwise they may not attend at all and I would like them to. I have been to weddings of people I have never met before as a plus one. If you have been invited, know that it has been thought about and discussed and they are happy to. Its sounds more like you have social anxiety than anything else to be honest. If its challenging for you to go, just don't go. Talk about it with your husband, and be honest with yourself about the reasons.

Not comfortable with being invited to the wedding and now not comfortable with accepting any help from your DH’s family. It’s a bit of a tend isn’t it.

They take the mick. He buys them literally everything. I was raised to work and buy what you can afford! It makes me feel so awkward.

This is such an odd take, she is your niece? It sounds like you're getting on your high horse as you've never met him.

You also keep saying why would you attend a strangers big day, you're not attending a strangers big day, it's your nieces big day? God I bet she's regretting inviting you, I certainly would if I knew you were feeling this way.

Ffs it's one day. If you FIL is happy to pay for the room and your husband and young child are going it's not going to be much fun for him if you don't go is it. And his family probably want to see his daughter as she is very much part of their family too. Is there something else going on? Was his ex wife close to his family?

On the plus side for you tho seeing as they are young and I'm guessing childless they will probably have it on a weekday as it's considerably cheaper so that's your get out of it excuse.

Well at least you wouldn't need to spend anything on food if you made a weekend of it OP. The massive chip on your shoulder about your DH's family should easily be able to sustain the three of you for a couple of days.

@CheeseWisely I'm not a.money grabber.

Yes yes and you were also raised to only invite close friends or people you’d known their entire life to your wedding. Perhaps you can have a medal for being so frugal and humble. What about offering to sleep in your car while loudly saying “I couldn’t possibly accept the offer of a room” and commenting on how much the bride and groom were wasting paying for your meal.

It's not money grabbing to attend somebody's wedding FFS! Nor is it money grabbing to accept the offer of a hotel room, assuming your FIL has made the offer because a) he can afford it, b) loves his Son and would like him to be at the wedding and c) knows it'll make things easier for you all to attend?

DH and I are both in our 40s but are still occasionally treated by one or other set of parents. Won't you want to treat your children still if you can, even when they're grown adults?

About 25 pages in you finally give an understandable reason for not wanting to go ie such a long drive and with a small child.

Not sure about not accepting the room being paid for you but if you don't fancy staying overnight, fair enough.

All these preceding posts about not knowing the groom were ridiculous.

I won't accept my fil paying for everything which is what it always turns out to be. It doesn't stop at just a room. My husband and I are 44 and 48 - we are not his responsibility.

Will you never treat your adult DC if you can afford to?

Just be honest: you don't want to go. All of these excuses sound bad and misplaced.
There's only one real reason: you have decided you don't want to go. Most in your shoes would go because it's good to honour an invite if you can, you feel rightly or wrongly that it's too much to ask of you in these circumstances. Fine but don't look for excuses.

@crumblingschools To a point, yes. But I would hope they would be self-sufficient with good jobs by their mid to late 40s. I would hope they wouldn't take advantage of me.

As a parent of adult children, @Youthiswastedontheyoung, I don't necessarily think your FIL is doing anything terrible by wanting to treat his son and his son's family. Dh and I know we have more disposable income than the boys, so we do pay for things, if we can afford it.

When ds1 got married, it involved dh, me, ds2, ds3 and ds3's girlfriend all travelling down from Scotland, and we covered the costs of their travel and hotel rooms, because otherwise they'd have struggled to get there.

Obviously, if your ILs can't afford to splash the cash the way they are doing, it is different, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a parent wanting to help out/treat their children, even if they are adults. We love our boys and want to help them as much as we can - isn't that a normal thing to feel?

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius They don't have any money for themselves when they have both worked hard their whole working lives.
How old were the family you paid for?

Does your DH not worry then if they don’t have savings and still pay for him? Surely this is something you need to speak to your DH about?

But if you never see people you are not going to build a relationship with them. To see them you need to go to accept invites.

she is your husbands niece and your child’s cousin.

If they can't afford it, then I am 100% behind you - FIL shouldn't be paying.

The boys were 24 and 27, or thereabouts. And given that we had much more disposable income, I am sure we did the right thing.

@crumblingschools He is happy to work on not more than minimum wage because he knows his parents will buy him things. They have just bought him a new car. I know they're generous but it's not done him any favours really. * *