To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

I'd see it as an opportunity to meet him, to see her again and meet some of the wider family. Why on earth is it false? I don't get that. You're coming across as awkward tbh. Big family occasions are often the only time we get to see people in one place. It's difficult with people living in different countries, having busy lives, etc.

This is a very strange point of view OP, it's perfectly normal to invite established partners of friends and family. I've been to several weddings were I haven't met the couple before, the first time DH met all of my friends was at a wedding!

If you don't want to go just decline.

Weddings are about celebrating the joining of a couple and bringing together families and a good chance for extended families to catch up with each other.

If you have no interest in your husbands family, that may hold no value to you but do matter to him, then don't bother. Must admit I'd be disappointed in my dh if he held that attitude.

Why lie & “make an excuse”? Not everyone likes big weddings! (Some people find them hellish social endurance tests that completely drain them and leave them feeling depressed and angry.) Why is it so incredibly difficult for the majority of people on this thread to comprehend!

If you don't want to go because you don't like social occasions that's fair enough but please don't make out like it's them that's being odd inviting you. I'd be upset if i wasn't invited to my husband's nephew's(therefore mine..and we only met and married in our 40s) because I wasn't "family".
Of course you are family

Can see both sides, I’m not a social butterfly. If there’s no unpleasant history though, on balance I’d probably go if my husband and daughter really wanted me to and look at it as an opportunity to spend an evening with them both.

Bit odd, but of course you don’t have to go.

Normal to invite an Aunt & Uncle to your wedding regardless of whether they know your fiancé.

I’ve been to several weddings as a +1 when I’ve met neither bride nor groom. It was still lovely and a great way to begin a friendship of someone becoming part of your family or friendship group.

I agree with you about how Mumsnet can sometimes be, but I think the difficulty here is that the OP did not start by saying they simply didn’t want to go. There were a lot of other reasons put forward first which clouded the issue somewhat.
It might be better for the OP as well as the relatives to be honest and say they are not wanting to go because they wouldn’t enjoy it, rather than because they don’t know the groom, aren’t really an aunt, etc.

But maybe OP felt conflicted and was unsure - which is why she posted? So she could work it out? And now she has, which is wonderful. Time-consuming 😆 but wonderful.

This is really weird. I don't know my husband's nieces very well and have never met their partners until their weddings, but they wanted us there and I've always been happy to attend and had a good time.

Just decline. Honestly dammed if they invite family, dammed if they don't.

I agree that this is an odd response. At almost all of my cousins' weddings, the first time I'd met their significant other was at the wedding. At any wedding surely it's inevitable that there will be people whom not everyone knows.

The couple are inviting their uncle as family and it's a natural assumption that he would want to attend with his wife who is also, by marriage, their aunt. I love my uncle and aunt very much, both of them dearly. But only one of them was my dad's sister.

It's OK to decide that you don't fancy going, but an odd reason to cite.

It sounds like you had a tiny wedding which v much suited you but most weddings will have scores of guests who don't know one or even both people getting married. They're call plus ones.

Just say you don't feel like going if that's the case but making out that it's weird to be invited is probably quite annoying for your husband. I've been to many weddings to keep my partner company, and because it's a chance to spend time with people he cares about.

This is the opposite of those frequent posts on here about "my husband's family ignore me/cut me out/pretend I don't exist." It is surely normal good manners to invite the spouse of a close relative to a wedding? You don't have to go, but I don't think it will do much for family harmony if the reason given is "she couldn't be arsed".

She is your niece then, by marriage. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and sit and smile for a day.

It’s not about you! Surely you’d go as your your husbands wife! It’s his family, why are you focusing on the groom?

Honestly OP, this thread is weird.
Fine you don't fancy going to this wedding but you initially made the excuse that it's because you haven't met the groom (very strange reason not to attend) and since then, you've described yourself as a frump, you haven't got anything to wear, you don't like small talk, big social events like weddings, dancing and you'd have to travel for 8 hours with a four year old. Why not just be totally honest from the start?!
Oh and there isn't even a date for the wedding yet, so I'm assuming the happy couple have just announced their engagement! Bonkers all round.

You are still her aunt? So she is your niece?

I bet if you weren’t invited you’d complain about that too

I think it's up the OP if she considers the niece to be her niece. She isn't a blood relative and "in law" is a social convention. There's nothing legal about it.

Why is it so difficult to understand that not everyone views "in laws" as family.

Absolutely this.

No one would drive 8 hours there and back in a day. You would have to leave at dawn, not drink and miss the entire evening to get back. If your FIL will pay for accommodation for your DH and DD, do you really think he wouldn't want you to share the room?

If you feel a frump, you've got time to do something about it. Even if you are as poor as you make out, I'm sure you can put a few quid aside over the next few months or years and get a nice dress from a charity shop or eBay / Vinted (that's what I do). Do something with your hair.

His family will be rightly offended that you just can't be arsed.

You don't seem to take anything on board OP. But it is clear that you simply do not want to go. Would make you so much of a bigger person to have the balls to say it instead of dressing this up.

• you're being insulting to your DHs family and sending a clear message you don't want to be involved.
• by marriage, she is your niece and her mother is your husband's sister. It isn't about you, it is about your husband's family celebration. You are snubbing your SIL and MIL.
• why would you expect your DH at his family's wedding (a special day) to take your shared 4 year old (who is a blood relative, but you're not) to the wedding? Do you not think you could turn up and lend a hand with that so he can enjoy the day with his family - that would be a nice contribution to the day AND you would be a present and supportive partner.

Many threads on here from women saying their partner/boyfriend doesn't want to go to things, won't engage and they are rightly told the bloke is a deadbeat/not committed/waste of space and to LTB. I don't see any difference here.

@MadKittenWoman I won't have my 85 yo FIL pay for a hotel room. If I can't afford it, I don't stay. I'm 44 not a child. Its my bad if I can't affor to stay over.

But he's already going to pay for the broom, you said!

Room!!!