To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

@Spudthespanner I guess I don't see weddings in the same way as most.

So you feel like your husband’s niece is running a fake production of her wedding day and you will be an overdressed extra in it? You feel like her marriage won’t last? Even though you don’t know her future husband and you have o my net her a few times?

What a wedding grinch

It’s a wind up people! Nobody is this annoying in real life

Except for clothes, transport and accommodation!!! C’mon! Weddings are expensive and time consuming. I’d write a nice letter sincerely wishing them every happiness, say you’re a weird one who doesn’t really like big formal gatherings and give them a cheque for the money you’ve saved by not going. The difficulty is if your DH & DC really want to go, and would probably want you there with them - that’s where your loyalties lie. Good luck!

I am

I know you’re getting a lot of hate - people get really triggered about “their big day.

Why on earth can you not disagree with someone these days without being accused of ‘hate’. FWIW, I had a very small wedding with a few close friends and I still think OP’s attitude is bizarre. Even the wording of the OP citing a man she’d never met, rather than the wedding of a woman she definitely had met. It is so, so common to only know one of a couple getting married.

@LoveWine123 You're putting words now
But a lot of weddings are just that. My first one was. The vast majority of the guests that were there didn't really give two hoots about the bride or the groom; it was just an excuse for a free party.

OP you sound like a right bundle of fun.

I've voted YABU but in reality don't go and let the others enjoy the wedding. I somehow think you'd end up spoiling the vibe.

I did not put words. I quoted the words of the previous poster as you said you felt the way they described.

In any case why did you post? You clearly don’t need advice as you have a very strong opinion on the matter. Surely you should have just discussed it with your husband and given him the reasons you quote to us here. I wonder what he would think about them.

One of the points of a wedding is to introduce a new member of the family-by-marriage to the rest of the family, especially these days when a lot of people do live far away.

But hey, maybe work out what would make the most fuss and attention around yourself and do/don't do that, according to what result you're after...

Isn’t a wedding a great time to get to meet other other people in your husband’s family?

@LoveWine123 I do think a lot of wedding are just that. For those of you that have been to so many, how many ended in divorce? I've not been to a lot, but I'd say more divorced than still together. I was guilty of it myself in my first marriage. That's all on me. I did just see it as a party really.

Sorry to offend. I think that’s the way the word is now used in common parlance. I believe Taylor Swift even wrote a very popular song about it?

DH and I will be going to the wedding of my first cousin once removed this year.

We are a small family but DH has probably only met him twice and his fiancee not at all.

Oh sorry I missed the bit where you explained it was YOUR wedding. Oh actually, you didn’t, it’s not your wedding and you’re not a stranger as you’re the wife of the brides uncle but are being rude and miserable in refusing to go but also unable to own it and instead determined to make out that the couple are weird for having invited you. Have some decency.

Do you have many friends?

But what does husband think about your reasons? They also seem to change quite a bit. Firstly it was the fact that you never met the groom (despite being related by law to the bride), then it was the cost of your attendance to the bride and groom, then it was the wedding being a party and how many weddings/parties end up on divorce. Curious what your husband is thinking about your reasons when you discussed them with him.

Haven't read the full thread but looked at all your posts, OP. I can see many people find your perspective odd but I can totally relate to your take on things actually. It doesn't mean you're a fun sponge, you just see it differently.

Conventional thinking and social etiquette says you should go. You're a plus one in effect and it doesn't matter if you don't know them well. Not sure why it should be to 'support' your DH though. Does he want you to go? He'll be fine on his own with lots of people he knows there. Maybe it's more about how it looks to others? Are you bothered if you don't get to know the in laws much going forward?

Anyway, I'm not one for big events or mixing with 'family' much. I see things differently to most people but I'm ND. I think you're sensitive to the bullshit factor as well as the expense but most aren't. Politely decline if you'd rather not go or grin and bear it if your DH really wants you there, it's only one day.

If they didn’t want to invite you they wouldn’t have. Simple as that.

Just because you opted for a small close wedding doesn’t mean that’s everyone’s taste or decision.

if you don’t want to go just don’t. But don’t use the excuse that you don’t think you should be going because you’ve never met the groom.

I’ve been to plenty of wedding where I haven’t meet either the bride or groom before.

Exactly how OP is coming across to me.

@crumblingschools I have a small circle of genuine friends. I don't want fake ones in my life at 44! Made that mistake in my 20s!

@LoveWine123 It's not my thing. If it's there's then fine - they can do as they please. They can invite who they like.

I don’t think so many people get divorced now. Of all the weddings I’ve been to, they were all older, had lived together and all but one are still married 10-15 years later. I think the divorce rate is dropping because getting married is more rare.

Its a bit of a long list of conditions you have before you go to a wedding: know them both intimately, be absolutely sure they will stay married, no Disney princess dresses or too much hoopla… It’s really funny, I like people with strong opinions!

That's exactly what they have done - invited who they like, which includes you. The fact that you would have made a different choice in their shoes is neither here nor there.