To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

@Youthiswastedontheyoung sorry you are her aunt. But you don’t consider yourself so is strange. My non blood related aunts and uncles are just as much my relatives than the family member they are married to. Heck, my DH isn’t related to me except by marriage but I manage to like him!

Ot would be far more strange at the wedding and people would ask questions about why her uncle is there but not her aunt. It’s common to only know one side of the couple getting married.

Just go, but if you don’t want to go, tell them and expect that is the end of your relationships with your DH’s family when you tell them you can’t be arsed to go to a wedding.

This is a really odd thread. You would be going to accompany your husband, who is the bride's uncle. Nothing remotely weird about that. I've been to many weddings where I only knew one of the couple getting married. Also some where I knew neither of them but was there as I was the girlfriend of a family member of one of the couple. At my own first wedding there were several partners of my friends/family whom I hadn't met before.

Weddings usually involve joining/blending families together, despite no blood relation, so when you married your husband his niece became part of your wider family so you wouldn’t be attending a strangers wedding, you’d be supporting your husband’s niece on her big day and joining in on the celebrations.

I think the difficulty here is that you are prioritising your own opinions on the situation over the fact that you have been specifically invited by your niece and her partner. It is the one day when their wishes come first ( even if you think they are not bothered either).

And you are being really rude to your husband by making ridiculous excuses not to go to a family occasion with him. You must be a barrel of laughs at Christmas.

It is entirely normal for both parts of a couple to be invited to a wedding even when only one of the wedding couple know them. It's also normal to accept the invite and graciously go if it's close family even if you don't necessarily want to.

I was invited to a friend's wedding and I had never met the groom before and haven't seen him since. I went, had a nice time and congratulated them on their marriage. It never occured to me not to go because I didn't know the groom! If I had told my friend that I can't imagine we would still be friends afterwards.

It's about having a day out and nice food with your own family and deepening social ties to wider family. I rarely speak more than a sentence to the bride and groom. Few people can afford big weddings or prefer to spend more for a select few guests so fewer chances to see people.

What about going forward, later on when you meet them both socially? You didn't go to their wedding because you didn't know them both. But he's going to be part of your family. You're part of his/their family. You don't have to see them every day or even every year for this to be the case.
Accept the invitation with grace, otherwise DN is going to wonder how she's upset you.

when I was single going to weddings on my own, I would have loved to have a +1 with me. When I had a husband, I wouldn't have wanted him to go to wedding without me, his wife, by his side. It wasn't about who I knew there, it was because we were married and that's what you do.

Not going would be rude and selfish. Weddings are traditionally a time for extended family and friends to get together, the perfect occasion for the clan to meet and welcome new members, and that includes you. You are concerned that you’ve never met the groom - well, this is exactly the sort of occasion where you can meet him, and probably be introduced to other members of your husband's extended family and old friends too.

I have been to many weddings where I had never before met the bride/groom but was a relation or old friend of the other half of the bridal pair. It is not unusual in the slightest. Just because you had a different style of wedding, you are trying to impose your own preferences on others.

You should be thinking about what the bride wants. It would be a big snub to her and the rest of her (and your husband's) family not to go, and your poor husband would be continually asked by everyone in his family why you weren't there. What would you want him to say? "Oh, she didn’t want to come because she’d never met the groom"? That sounds ridiculous and everyone would assume there was a "real" reason, such as a row. Or would you prefer him to lie (in front of your daughter) and pretend you'd had a prior engagement, to save himself from embarrassment?

It would sound ridiculous because it really would be ridiculous. Get over yourself and go.

You'd be attending the wedding of your niece. It's really not that hard to understand.
You clearly don't want to go though , so don't.

Bizarre thread. You realise this is exactly why they have the bride's side and the groom's side to sit on? Of all the weddings I've been to, I've only known both bride and groom in 3 of them.

But since you obviously don't want to go, you should make up a less eyebrow raising excuse, like you have work or a sick family member or a dog to look after.

But you're not paying the bill .

Bloody hell, please don't go if you're this much of a fun sponge!

Niece invited you to her wedding, she's getting married too, but you obviously can't be arsed to make the effort!

I've been to lots of weddings where I know one of the couple or neither of them. I don't think that's so unusual

Op it would have been rude not to invite you as you are part of a couple.

I'd assume your DH would like you to go, then its a snub to his family if you don't go?

I have attended loads of family weddings on my own, it's when you hit the slow dances and everyone is on the floor, it hits home your on your own.

I love the weddings of close friends and family I love and care about. I hate being there as an overdressed extra on some Disney princess fake production number that will probably last 3 years max and then they’ll do it all over again 18 months later. I realise I am in a minority on this and considered rude for even suggesting it. I see you OP. I appreciate your candour. I know you’re getting a lot of hate - people get really triggered about “their big day”. I’d suggest it’s the proceeding 30-50 years that are WAAaay more important. But then I’m weird. Live your values not other peoples - they flip-flop all the time and it’s bloody exhausting.

🤣

I'll go if my husband would like me to, but I still don't really see her as a niece really. She's my husband's niece, yes - he knew her from birth and been in her life growing up - but I've only met her a few times so she's just a young woman I only know to say hi to really. We don't have any friendship or anything. I feel a bit of a fraud and she absolutely wouldn't call me aunt or anything like that. I'm just her uncle's wife and that's OK.
But as people have said, there are weddings that happen where it is normal not go really know the people getting married so I suppose this isn't out of the ordinary. I've just never been to one where I didn't know both b and g.

That was your choice. This wedding is different. The happy couple clearly have a different view to you.

You have been invited. Refusing to go because you don't know the groom would be odd and rude. You know the bride. You haven't known her since childhood, but I don't see how that is relevant. You still know her and she is your niece through marriage. She could justifiably feel offended if you refuse to attend just because you don't know the groom.

It's nice that they asked you. You don't have to go. Just RSVP that you're unable to attend but congrats.

It's very normal for there to be a few guests at a wedding who haven't met one of the couple getting married.

If your husband wants to go and would prefer you to go with him then just go and stop making a big deal out of something that is not a big deal. If your husband doesn't want to go either then just politely decline and stop making a big deal out of something that is not a big deal.

@mumsthewurd Thank you. Truth be told, this is a lot of how I feel.

Why is it all about you?

It's normal for spouses to go together. It is also normal to go to a wedding when you only know one half of the couple.
I would go to my DH's work colleague's wedding if invited (I'd assume I'd know the person if it was a friend). So I'd have not met either person, and quite likely my DH wouldn't have met the new spouse.