To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

You sound like you are very much trying to keep your in-laws at arms length, if I was your husband I would be upset you obviously aren't interested in building a relationship with his family, especially since you have a child together.

Your posts read like you are in your 60s or 70s, not your 40s! It's not your place to question why you were invited and it would be 100% normal to invite you and your daughter along with your husband.

You seem very fixated on your own wedding, everyone is different. Just accept the invite and enjoy your day with your husband and daughter!

Yes! If you're in a married couple and it's a family wedding, you're invited as a unit, otherwise what sort of random assortment of people would you have there?

I’ve been a plus One at a wedding before and all I knew was my friend. I had never met the bride or groom. It was a wonderful day and quite a unique experience.

It sounds like you just don’t want to go, regardless if you know the husband or not?

@Youthiswastedontheyoung

1. I get the sense you don’t feel good enough, or accepted by his family and have your walls up. You’re protecting yourself because you can’t believe they would consider inviting you, because you don’t feel worthy to be part of the family and are making up excuses. It seems like your self worth is very low?

2. GO, it will do you the world of good and start breaking down the barriers, or the walls you are creating around yourself.

that’s just my take because I can’t otherwise believe you would genuinely feel this way about a wedding invite without some level of deeper feelings around all this.

Goodness!!!

I’ve never known a save a date without a date! Have they just announced their engagement?

Er.....that's partly why you have the line? It's so guests who have not met either the bride or groom can be introduced! You congratulate both and one or the other says 'darling this is my cousin/aunt/dog groomer/whatever.'
Of course you go to her wedding, what a strange thread!

Me too. It's fascinating.

Oh for goodness sake! What a stupid excuse, don’t go if you don’t want to. But refusing to go cos you didn’t meet the groom of a family member is the most selfish excuse. When your child gets married, will only those that have met both bride and groom in person be allowed to attend?!

Don’t be so precious OP.
You are part of the extended family and presumably there will be others there you know well.

Why not use this as a time to get to know them? Go out for dinner, have them and maybe her parents around to yours?

You're not expecting them to pay for anything, they set their own expectations when they chose to invite you.

You're writing as if you've imposed yourself and the cost on them. They could've invited just your husband but they chose not to. Give them some credit, they understand that guests have a cost.

You go because she's your husband's family.
It doesn't matter that you haven't met the groom. The bride is your husband's niece!!

@Youthiswastedontheyoung
Blimey so much to unpack. I am glad you have seen sense and going to see how your DH feels and take it from there.

Your lack of being able to see situations from different standpoints is quite remarkable.

*People have bigger weddings than 17 people.

*People tend to invite close relatives to weddings - your DH being one of them.

*It would be really rude to invite a close relative and not their spouse.

*I have been invited to weddings as +1 because my DH has been invited. I didn't know anyone there, these admittedly have been big weddings.

*Family weddings / occasions, particularly if you don't live that close together, you should just go and join in, participate as these events are few and fleeting.

*Go, have a great time. Let your DC have a great time spending time with relatives.

*Stop having such a myopic approach to relatively simple social/ family dynamics.

This is the way most weddings of extended family are surely? Pretty standard to know just either bride or groom.

Go on! You might even enjoy it! 😱

You've been invited because of the niece

My dad went to a funeral recently of a woman he'd never met. He went to support his friend, her husband

You’d be accompanying your husband/family to the wedding of his niece. You’ve been invited as a kindness/honour to the bride’s uncle. Not everything is about you.

Unless selfishness, self absorption and ignoring your DH’s needs is a key feature of your marriage, it would be usual, polite and considerate of one’s life partner to attend. Personally I’d say don’t go - your DH will have a better time without you. It might open his eyes to the nature of his own marriage, too, as often happens at weddings.

Wow! I am going to a wedding tomorrow of a cousin in law and due to geography, I’ve never met his fiancée. This will change tomorrow because then I would have met her!

You don't have to go if you don't want to, it's an invitation not a summons, but YABU to have such a silly reason. It's perfectly normal for wedding guests to mostly know one half of the narrying couple and a lot of guests won't have met the other half. It's also perfectly normal for the narrying couple to invite both members of any married couple even if they really only know one of them (see many many MN threads about people upset if they weren't invited to a wedding their husband was invited to)

It's fine not to go. It would equally be fine to go, with you and your husband as a unit joining in the celebrations to welcome a new member of your husband's side of the family. There will be family members who take note of whether the family is meaningful to you or whether you are choosing to self-exclude but it's entirely your choice.

You're not a stranger. You're the bride's aunt!

This is a very odd thread.

I don’t think you should go and I’d let them know ASAP.

You’ve been invited as it sounds like they have a close family and would like her uncle to enjoy the day with his family.

However I wouldn’t want anyone at my wedding that didn’t want to be there.

But for goodness sake lie about the reason why you can’t attend as everyone is going to think you are odd and creating drama where there really doesn’t need to be one.

Other people’s wedding do bring out the crazy in some people.

This is so odd. I mean I had 2500 ppl at my wedding, I thought that was excessive but culturally we don’t leave ppl out. So if you invite a colleague, you invite them with family so they can all attend. It is exact opposite of a small wedding but not inviting the entire family would be considered very rude in our culture. I am asian. Maybe it is a cultural difference for you but ppl would think you very rude if you didn’t attend. If they wanted to save money they wouldn’t have invited you at all. And you are quite close relationship wise ( your DH’s neice) even if not in any other sense.

It sounds like you had your wedding exactly the way you wanted it, but you don’t approve of the wedding your niece wants.
It’s a bit mean spirited. If you don’t want to go, then just make up an excuse and let everyone else have a great time without you. Try not to embarrass your DH with this strange judgemental reason.

I agree with you.

Politely decline OP.