To not go to a wedding of a man I've never met?

[Youthiswastedontheyoung]

Adult niece (in-law). Never met fiance.
I'm more than happy for my husband and daughter to attend (and quite rightly so), but personally feel one shouldn't attend a wedding/invite someone to a wedding of someone whom they have never met.
AIBU?

This isn't about you. The end.

there's plenty of posts on here when partners aren't invited to a wedding - maybe they thought that you would like to attend as a family - or have the opportunity to meet the fiance/husband.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 I can probably just say I can't make it as is the norm re etiquette.

You will only become part of it if you start making an effort with them and that involves attending family weddings/events.

you sound like you don’t want anything to do with his family. Do you know view this as a long term marriage?
The niece may not have been in your life long, but she might be for another 40+ years

@DragonGypsyDoris Absolutely. They don't need me there.

There must be more to this. Why don’t you want to go?

no they don’t need you there but if you can make it but choose not to then you are sending a message to his family that you don’t care about them/like them.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 I see what you're saying, but she's not really in my life so isn't likely to be moving forward? Again, nobody's fault at all, just circumstance. She lives over 4 hours away and is likely to be on the move in the future.

Agree. Although if you are able to make it and decline then you should come up with a good reason why/make sure you have something else on as your husband will probably get questioned on the day about why you’re not there.
you are potentially making it very awkward for him by declining.

This is odd.

People often invite both halves of a couple, even if they only know one of them. A lot of people like to attend things with their partner, people know that. It means they have a good time with their partner and the wedding has a good atmosphere. It's also a nice happy event to meet family/friends that you may otherwise not need or see much of.

Don't give if you don't want to, I've certainly swerved some weddings, but you're being very strange about the concept of being invited.

**go not give

I'll see what hubby thinks and, as I say, date yet tbc so might be by-the-by.

Well it will be your fault if you decline to attend the events where you will meet.

what about your own child? Do you not want them growing up with memories/experiences of family events with both her parents?

when you approach him you should go in with a better attitude than you have here. If you come across with all this negativity then he might just say for you to not join as he thinks that’s what you want to hear.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 Will wait to find out the date first and then go from there with discussing it.

Don't worry about it. Give a believable and polite excuse and send a nice gift and card.

Of course you should go...to support your husband. It's strange if you don't go as of course everyone will ask him... Where is your wife? How should he respond?

@RickyB She's at work (if I am) is an easy one as not something I can rearrange. Hence why I said I will wait for date tbc.

That wasn't my point - are you being deliberately ignorant? This is about your relative who has asked you to attend her wedding, at which you will meet her fiancé as he joins your family. They have invited you, and most people would honour that by simply attending.

@DragonGypsyDoris As I said, will wait for date tbc and then see from there.

You don't have to go if you don't want to but your reasoning is odd so yes YABU.

There was a couple of people at our wedding that one or other of us had never met (partners of friends) and one that neither of us had met. An elderly family member of mine had to travel to attend so turned it into a holiday with a friend. As soon as we knew of this of course we invited the friend to the wedding too.

We didn't find it bizarre or strange and I certainly hope she didn't! It seeemed like she had a good day 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fair enough, it's up to you of course.
For myself, I go to social events that I have no interest in purely to support my partner.
If partner says, no worries, you don't need to come then that gives me the choice to attend or not. Key issue is whether the decision to go or not affects others.

Like any invitation, you are an adult and you can politely decline, just say you are not available that day. If I didn't want to go, I'd do that. And presuming your husband isn't bothered if you attend or not?
Sounds like it will be a biggish wedding though, with lots of guests and family probably mostly all in attendance- it might be a fun get together, regardless of how well you know the bride and groom. Is there nobody else you'd like to catch up with who will be going?- it's the other guests you'll spend yourself time with really, not the couple getting married. If not, another reason to swerve it!
You could also make a point of calling to the house beforehand, perhaps deliver your rsvp, then you could meet the groom, if that's important to you, before the do.
Don't overthink it anyway, it's only a wedding, make your decision and be done with it!

Agree with this. It would be rude of them to leave you out.

I can't say I wouldn't go ever but I would happily not go, I don't love wedding events that much and we can do events separately

If this isn't a reverse, imagine it from your niece's point of view

"I'm getting married. I have invited my uncle, his wife and my little cousin. But my uncle's wife is refusing to come because she doesn't know my future husband. I thought I was being polite by inviting their whole family- especially my little cousin - as there are so many threads about child free weddings on here. This is really weird isn't it? Or have I made some kind of faux pas?"

Honestly OP, if you're so het up about this why don't you invite your niece and future husband over for dinner or something, so you can spend a bit more time with them? They obviously view you as important enough family members to have at their big day.

Personally I have been to over 50 weddings now. There's a 10yr age gap between my DH and I so we went through a phase of all his pals getting married, then all mine. For many of those I didn't know the other half of the couple from my friend. And some I didn't know either! Because they were my DHs friends who I hadn't happened to meet yet. Still went, still had fun. Made some new friends!