DS 25 still lives at home

[BeOpenTiger]

My DS is turning 25 next week, he still lives at home with me and DH and has lived here full time since graduating from uni when he was 21.

If you have DC around the same age can I ask whether they still live with you?

Jeez. It’s too early in the morning for this. I find it depressing that adults can’t get out and live independently – that’s my opinion and incessantly asking why I find it depressing isn’t going to change my mind. The cultures you’re referring to wherein adults live at home until marriage are often based on misogynistic principles with poor rights for women, so yes, I find that depressing too.

Mine DS’s are 25 and 22, both still living at home. Youngest has had a rough time over Covid with job/mental health, so it’ll be a while before he moves out I think. Eldest is saving up to buy house. Happy for both to stay at home as long as they need to, don’t see why people so keen to get their children out. 🤷‍♀️

Our DS left home at 17 to join the RAF and our DD still lives at home at 25 too.

DS, 25 next year. Currently living 6 months at home, and 6 months abroad, same for last year too.
I doubt he will be leaving home for some time.

Ds1 has just graduated from uni this summer. The long term plan which was discussed before he even went to uni was always that he would work and save and we wouldn't charge him rent. He has a graduate job, already has a maxed out LISA from uni years so £15k in that and is putting additional money into an ISA. His plan is to live here for 3 years and save.

He knows that his mortgage will be based on his salary so the more money he can put toward the deposit the more choice he has in housing. Both of my children have looked at Rightmove for the past 5 years to see house prices locally. They know how much they can get mortgage wise as they have run the calculators, know how much utilities cost plus food as Ds1 has lived away at uni and Ds2 is currently living away at uni.

However, we knew that this would be a possibility when we bought this house so each child has their bedroom plus an additional room downstairs which has been a playroom, then a gaming room, a homework room and now for Ds1 an office so they have space away from Dh and I which works both ways.

I think there has to be conversations about timelines, saving money, house shares etc. House prices are only going to go up so the quicker they can get onto the property ladder the better really.

My 2 AC left when they were 25 and 28. One came back when his relationship ended, he stayed 3 years and left again when he was 39.

Oh honestly shut up. My DS is independent. He just lives with us (and saves money on rent)? He has a good job in an industry he likes, he meets up with his friends frequently and engages in extracurriculars that he enjoys.

What are you on about r.e. misogyny?? It's about saving money and being together with family.

Yikes. You’re clearly very triggered. Misogyny refers to other cultures where adults live with their parents until they are married off – you brought up these cultures, not me.

Other cultures aside, the UK has not moved into this lane due to a cultural preference or traditions, they have moved into it due to economic pressures and necessity.

Take a moment to stop being defensive over your son and notice that the majority of adults would prefer not to do this and make their own way as soon as economically viable, which is happening increasingly later in life. Yes, depressing.

My cousin lived with his parents until he was 36. He couldn’t afford to buy his own house in Hertfordshire. Property averages $700,000, he only just moved out further north.

Mine are a bit young yet (17 & 14) but am starting to think about these issues with the 17yr old.

Although I always assumed mine would move out and live independently after uni like I did (I never took any of their money from age 21) I do see that the world is somewhat different these days with student debt, astronomical house prices and working from home making bedsit life less fun.

I wonder do we need to be so obsessed with people buying their own home? Maybe an extended family set up had a lot of benefits for all and why not go that way?

4 generations of my family lived in close proximity (not the same house but very close by) when I was growing up and it was amazing to know my grandparents like that, my parents had free childcare and I had a lot of people who loved me.

My SIL in her 30s and her partner and 2 kids live with MIL in her house. Supposed to be temporary whilst they saved for a house but it's been over 5 years now. Everyone seems to benefit so no-one wants to change it.

If my kids don't actually want to leave home and want us all still to be close I don't see the issue.

If we shifted to more inter generational living we would improve all kinds of problems like

• the housing shortage
• childcare costs
• loneliness in older people

One 22 year me one living at home, obe 24 living away. 22 year never want to uni but us saving money towards a house.

Amongst my friends, there’s a mixture of home birds and people moved away.

DD (24) is in the process of buying a flat with us on the mortgage (it’s called dual income, single owner). We couldn’t see another way of her being able to move out even though she had a £20,000 deposit saved. DS (22) is at uni, so he will be coming back to save a deposit too.

That’s a good point re house prices. Amongst my family, those who have brought have spent around £180000. One brought a one bedroom flat, one a two bed terrace, and one a three bed terrace. Other nephews and nieces wouldn’t get anything in the area they grew up, so living at home could be very much influence by location.

Why do people do this? She's not a child. It's a "forced saving" and you're being underhand

Mine have, at various times, on and off. We all get on well and they're lovely and considerate. If it helps them to save money, that's good.

No but if my son decided to move to London where we live he'd have to move home as no way could he even afford a house share. My friends kids live with one parent or both except two who are in the military but even they still go 'home' as do not have independent housing.
Affordability is the main reason so many stay at home.

My DDs have all moved out, my DS25 is at home, it's just him and I, he has a good earning job and we are like housemates, he's no plans to move out,he's HFA and content in life, chores and pet care all shared.
Never understand this must move out, I had no choice at 17 due to abusive mother, it's a struggle moving out so young with no support, I'd never want that for mine.

You're the one making overarching statements that's it's "depressing". I think the housing situation is unfortunate but I don't think the inherent principle of adult children living at home is bad. DS could live out and rent, but he saves money with us. Some of his colleagues (not from London) have to rent, but those who can live with their family. I don't see anything inherently depressing about living with your family.

I don't know why you think it's "misogynistic" at all to live with your family until you find your life partner? This happens in many countries across the world and it's seen as perfectly normal. You save money! It's a good thing.

Yes, because it's my opinion, which you should allow others to have without repeatedly harping on at them as to why it's not. Other people are allowed to have whatever opinion they like about economic situations that impact young people who would otherwise not choose to live with their parents.

Both my ds's live out and rent. And the rent is extortionate. But they want to be independent and i admire them for that.

I think too many parents, especially mums, do anything possible to prevent their kids moving out. To the kids detriment.

We have to let them go and grow up.

It is very hard though. Im in the midst of it all.

Absolutely agree @Hgg35. My sons are both independent, have a great social life, good jobs and are both saving for houses. I think it’s ridiculous and pathetic that people think as soon as they reach adulthood then they MUST move out. I don’t want my sons wasting money on rent, if by living at home for now means they can get on the property ladder then I’m happy that we’ve helped them out. Clearly some of these posters don’t like their children. As for misogyny? What utter rubbish!!

I think too many parents, especially mums, do anything possible to prevent their kids moving out. To the kids detriment

I don't agree. Most mums I know are happy for their DC when they spread their wings. When my DS got the job he wanted abroad, I was thrilled.

He now lives back at home again (covid stuffed up the job!) and that's fine too. Like many others on here, I take the view that there's no point him paying extortionate rent when there's plenty of room here.

Most of us with DC at home aren't trying to "prevent" them doing anything. And most of us will sometimes fantasise about having the house to ourselves! We just understand the reality and are being supportive.

I was 27 when I moved out 8 years ago. My DP was 26. Brothers around the same age. His brothers are mid to late 20s and still home. A sign of the times unfortunately.

Adult children living at home but not working full-time (3 days a week!!!) in their twenties, paying hardly anything and saving nothing is appalling. With no plan or end in sight.

This is a deal breaker for me if my partner was telling me they were fine with the kids doing this. Post 18, either in full time education or full time work, with a plan. Part time jobs while studying wherever possible. 21+ it's time to pay your way in any home.

Interesting to hear what you mean by a plan?