DS 25 still lives at home

[BeOpenTiger]

My DS is turning 25 next week, he still lives at home with me and DH and has lived here full time since graduating from uni when he was 21.

If you have DC around the same age can I ask whether they still live with you?

DS is 23 and on 32k PA, his GF is on around 30k, both living with parents to save for a house deposit. They will rent and then look for a house to see how they like living together first. They both pay some rent and both do chores as well. Similar upbringings, very work orientated and money focussed.

Some kids with additional needs will never move out. I hope the posters wishing their kids would hurry up realise how lucky they are that their children have the option of independence.

Stepson 24 lives at home but cant respect rules. He thinks its acceptable to not shower, to leave garbage in his room, watch people sleep, not lock doors, scream at people ect so he was told hes out at the end of december. My other step son, is 19 and can live at home as long as he wants. He listens, respects rules, helps clean up messes, helps with our pets ect.

You're right to be annoyed and your DH is doing her no favours at all. She's effectively paying you just £130pm rent (why isn't she paying her own phone contract?), which is derisory and doesn't prepare her for the realities of life.
My parents brought me up with a good grounding in money management and I started paying them rent as soon as I started work. When I got my first pay increase, I told my mum about it as soon as I got home and then asked her how much more in rent she'd like. She just smiled and said "It's OK love, we don't need it, but if we do I'll let you know." She told me some years later that in that moment of me asking her what she wanted to increase my rent to, she knew they'd brought me up right.
You're clearly trying to do the right thing for your daughter (even if she doesn't appreciate that) and your DH is undermining your efforts. As the old adage goes, there's no such thing as a free lunch!

Yeah DS has just turned 24. Had a few ropey years with him making very poor decisions and going through jobs like water through a sieve. Hopefully he’s turned a corner now and has found a job he likes - not a huge wage and he’s rubbish at handling his money so I think he’s with me for a bit longer yet….sigh

I wouldn't have the space to house 3 adult kids!!!

£200pm is derisory. If he were in a house share in my area he'd be paying three times that. Try using this link to give him (and your DH) a reality check: https://lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Search.aspx?Postcode=SO32%2b2LG&LHACategory=0&Month=10&Year=2024 Select "Shared Accommodation" and enter your postcode and you will see what the council would pay him in housing benefit (if he were entitled to it) which is a good indication of how much shared accommodation in your area would cost him to rent. When he and your DH realise what a bargain he's getting at home, maybe they'll both realise he needs to start paying you both more or move out.

Lots of adult children still live at home. As long as it suits everyone in practical terms it makes perfect sense if the alternative is insecure and mad expensive private renting.

DC mid 20s both moved out for uni and are back. Both have decent jobs, no long term partners so are saving for a deposit for their own place.

They are a pleasure to live with but I know they wish they could rent with friends and save but the high levels of rent in London mean that it is almost impossible. All their friends are also at home saving hard as well.

Realistically, I think they will be here for at least another 3 - 5 years. Good thing I luffs them.

DD1 lived with her partner's parents for 18 months after finishing uni, and saved like crazy. They have recently bought a house, but they are in the north and earn decent incomes (for their age).

DD2 is 24 and has boomeranged since uni (currently at home), unlike her sister she is in SE and single, she was just making ends meet living in a flat share with people she didnt particularly like. DS is also at home and he's 21, he's living on an apprentice wage and there is no way he could afford to even flat share.

It appears young people can only afford to live on their own if they couple up or live out of London. DD1 sacraficed living near her family to buy a house, and the other two DC may never be able to rent / buy a house if they dont find partners to halve the costs.

DS and DD2 are both house trained and are lovely to have but they do want their own place to call home. I would have housed DD1, however her PIL had more space and no other dc living at home so it made sense.

My brother is 65 and still lives at home. Our mother is 96. He never left and is quite content. My eldest left home at 18, but still lives close to us. My youngest is 23 and is not ready to leave yet (he has additional needs).

Yes, DS1 (31) still lives at home, my nieces also do, age 29 and 24. It’s very common now as it’s incredibly hard for young people in many areas to rent or buy and given its becoming the norm, they don’t feel pressured to move out.

And lots of kids don't survive to adulthood so I hope you know how lucky you are to still have yours

£100 a week is absolutely.i mum, with her paying for her own phone.

Gosh this thread is depressing. All these adults living with parents.

We want to retire around the time dc will be early 20s. If they live at home without contributing, we can't afford to do that. We can't pay for four adults to eat and have baths and more heating and phone can car and gym bills - they need to gradually take over funding their own life styles.
We won't take any money while they're in full time education.
If we were better off I might think differently. Though I suspect they will still expect me to have the role of meal preparer, clothes washer etc and I am planning to retire from that too.

What's depressing about it? Families who love each other, living together? Saving money?

My DS lives at home instead of wasting money paying rent and funding someone else's mortgage payments.

I suppose those of us who enjoyed living away from home in our 20s find it sad that others aren't getting to do that. I mean, I could have saved a lot of money but I wouldn't have become independent

No economy should make it normal and/or commonplace for adults well into their 20s to live with their parents as a matter of course and for years.

Yeah, I personally find that a depressing state of play.

For previous generations it was normal for everyone to live together, even after marriage and with first babies. Still pretty normal in many European countries. All generations living together.

My post was a general comment whereas as yours was directed at me personally. Uncalled for and unnecessary.

Yes I do know. I have personal experience of it.

How come he boomeranged back?

Why did t he get a flatshare with friends from uni?

Was it 2020, lockdown times?

That has caused so many long term problems!

Could he move away to do a postgrad then stay there?

What's so bad about it? What's so depressing? In many other societies and cultures this is common place until marriage (where naturally the couple needs their own space).

So do I but I understand everyone's circumstances are different and people shouldn't feel guilty for that.

I left home at 18 after getting pregnant at uni. I wouldn't have wanted to live at home, but I 100% wish I'd had a nicer family and home environment where I could have stayed to build up some savings. I'm 30 now and my friends who lived at home have mortgages whereas we'll probably be forever renters.