DS 25 still lives at home

[BeOpenTiger]

My DS is turning 25 next week, he still lives at home with me and DH and has lived here full time since graduating from uni when he was 21.

If you have DC around the same age can I ask whether they still live with you?

@DrMadelineMaxwell of course, 1k per month is a great saving, but what is the take home on 27k per year? 1700-1800? Do you have £700 disposable income per month? It only stuck out to me as I used to save 1k per month on 22k a year.

My 2 BIL’S still live at home, they are 41 and 43. Have never moved out and came back. They have little choice though, both single in low paying jobs. Too expensive to rent

She's taking home nearly £1900 a month and taking the piss out of you.

Honestly, if it were me, I'd be taking £1200 a month off her in 'rent' - on the grounds that you will save up the house deposit she will clearly need to buy her own place. £1000 a month to go into savings - £200 for you. 4 years, deposit sorted.

Genuinely don't see how she has no money. We don't have £1700 a month left any bills to live on and we are a family of 4!!!! Be firm and tell her she's taking the piss.

Yeah it's around £1800 after tax, ni and pension

We had 3 adult children at home after Uni - that was an interesting time 😂. The last one moved out last year aged 26. They all came home to save for house deposits then two buggered off to live abroad. They’re in all really well paid jobs so we’re able to save a lot while back home.

My dd1 is almost 25, moved out at 18 (uni) and in with her boyfriend a year later. They moved back in here a year ago to save like crazy and moved into their own (bought) flat in May.

Ds moved out at 20 when he started uni and was gone 2 years until he dropped out of uni. Moved back in with us in September and is here now until further notice as he's on an apprenticeship. He's 23 soon. He'd like to be elsewhere I think but having seen his big sister buy a place he's also keen to get his own!

Dd2 hasn't left home yet, she's almost 21. Her and her boyfriend are saving hard as they don't want to rent and plan to buy somewhere together next year. She's a full time spa therapist so has studied and worked since she left school at 17. She's at the boyfriend's house couple of nights a week, he's here similar.

With all of them we haven't insisted on rent as long as they are saving. We do encourage them to be generous where they can, maybe buying everyone a takeaway every so often and thoughtful gifts for birthdays etc. it's amazing how much they can put into their ISAs when they don't have rent to pay. We've always modelled saving to them.

I don’t want to worry you, OP, but I have a friend who still lives with his mother (always lived there, not the case that he moved out then moved back in) who is 54.

Dd1 came home for a year post uni, then lived in London in shared house/moved home during lockdown/moved out into her own rented.
Ds moved out at 19 into a shared flat/in with girlfriend at 20/ had a baby and bought a shared ownership place by the age of 25.

Out of curiosity if your DC still live at home, do you allow them to have their partners stay around?

Our oldest is 27 and bought his first house this year, he moved out in April. He’s single so had saved hard for a deposit and living at home was the only way to do it. He came home after finishing university, then worked for a year at McDonalds to get some money in the bank before doing his PGCE.

Our younger son is 24 and still at home. Earlier this year his six year relationship ended and while he now has a new girlfriend and their relationship looks to be serious, it’s too early on for them to be making any plans for the future. He knows he’s welcome to stay as long as he wants to and is good company so it’s not an inconvenience to have him still here.
He finished a four year engineering apprenticeship last year and has since changed jobs and while his prospects are better at his new company, he’s only just starting out so isn’t on a high wage and drives a round trip of 100 miles every day so a large percentage of his wage goes on travel.

We have 2 adult children at home and their partners part time.
Our house is very small but without a doubt it's tougher for them than it is for us. They desperately want independence and I feel for them given that it was possible for me to leave home at 17.
I try to give them a voice in how our home works and to treat them as equals because I can see this being how it is for quite some time.

DS (27) has been living here since he finished Uni. We've let him live rent free so that he could save for a house deposit. He's just put an offer on a small house, so he will hopefully be regaining his fully independent lifestyle soon. We live in a reasonably cheap area for housing. Otherwise, there's no way he'd be able to buy on his salary.

I know by some of my colleagues that they don't feel an equal in their homes. One said that it isn't really her home and that her parents act as though it's a my house my rules scenario which makes it even tougher.
She helps round the house and contributes as well so I do think that must be really tough. I do feel that if parents have that attitude then it must be harder than it already is. It can only work well if all adults are seen as equals in the household and not an adult/child power thing going on.

Mine are secondary school age but I'd like them to stay at home as long as it takes to save for a house deposit. Of course, that's assuming they are pulling their weight with chores and are respectful. I would take rent but only put towards the deposit, maybe a very small amount towards utilities.

DS4 is 26 & lives at home. He moved to London after the second Covid lockdown & shared a flat with DS1 & his girlfriend. When they went to live with her Mum to save money, he couldn't afford to rent or buy in London as a single man. Fortunately he got a job in the next village & moved back in with me. I like it, he does most of the shopping & cooking, which is a real treat. DH works away a lot, so it's nice to have the company.

My DS is also 25 and moved back home about 2 years ago to do a Masters. Graduated in November last year and saving to move out. We live in an area that has become very expensive over the past few years and there is a big homeless problem so I can’t see him going any time soon

My son is 21 and still lives with us after graduating. He has a job that will mean him earning about 30k a year. I don't expect him to pay rent, buy groceries etc. and he can stay as long as he likes. DH pays his phone bill. He pays for whatever else he wants, we'll buy him stuff too as well. But he's using his money for savings that will eventually help him in the future and that works just fine for me. Don't expect him to move out for at least a couple more years. I've also got 15 and 7 year old daughters who I will probably do similar with!

I moved out when I was 25. Never returned.

Of course - as I said upthread it really is more of a housemates dynamic so you have to let them treat their bedroom like a bedsit and entertain

Dd23 moved back after being out since university and travelling, ds26 currently lives on his own the past 18 months, before that he had left home for 2 years then moved back for 9 months after a breakup.
Our house is pretty small for 4 adults longer term but I do love Xmas when everyone is home!

phew its not just us then !! eldest son moved out at 31,Youngest now 29 still here. He’s lived abroad and done a bit of flat sharing in between. We don’t mind ,we've got the space and live in a city with crazy prices.

Isn't the housing & rental market just awful. DD 30 is trapped in the rental market with her dp & ds. Cant see them ever buying their own house, unless they are lucky enough to inherit half of our house.
Our ds is 27 & in the Raf. He comes home.a lot of weekends, as most do. Saving for a deposit & refuses to waste money on rent, especially now as it would be empty all week. Can't see him affording to pay the bills & a mortgage on his own though. He can live with us rent free for as long as he wants to. He's saving, pulls his weight around the house & is better than me at ironing his Raf shirts! I think multi generational houses will be normal for a long time yet 😒

My DD is 28 and still lives at home. She got her degree and then a certification. And makes decent money but COL is high and she doesn’t want to throw money away renting so she’s saving up for a down payment on a house. I don’t mind that she’s here she doesn’t want to all the odd jobs I hate doing 😂

You haven't updated your thread, but there are multiple factors to take into account. Does your Ds do anything around the house, does he pay his way? Do you have a partner and is that partner his DF or a boyfriend for you??

Does he do anything around the house to help?
Really hard to answer your question without context

I earn around the same, slightly less and pay a mortgage and live as a single person on that!