Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 25 still lives at home

188 replies

BeOpenTiger · 28/10/2024 15:59

My DS is turning 25 next week, he still lives at home with me and DH and has lived here full time since graduating from uni when he was 21.

If you have DC around the same age can I ask whether they still live with you?

OP posts:
Thearrowofdoom · 28/10/2024 18:58

My DD is 22 and still lives with me. I don't see how financially she would manage otherwise. Rent is ridiculous.

another1bitestheduck · 28/10/2024 18:59

actually probably not. Presuming she's planning on buying alone, she'll only be offered a certain multiplication of her salary - I looked on nationwide which is usually one of the more generous and they would offer an absolute max of £121k, so even with the £50k you're looking at a maximum of £170k for a property which in most of the country won't get you that much. Also if you're borrowing the absolute max of course your LTV is higher = high monthly repayments when she's on a comparatively low salary.

Bearing in mind she will also need to pay solicitors fees and buy all of her furniture and fittings from scratch so will need some extra money for that.

InThePinkScarf · 28/10/2024 19:01

Yet many on MN are very judgemental because when a thread comes up about an adult living at home, there will be comments like
'Why on earth are they not in a house share? I slummed it as a youngster, why can't they?'
Or
'You still live with your parents? That's really embarrassing for you."

This is the first thread in a long while where there hasn't been rude comments except 1 or 2 maybe.

bevelino · 28/10/2024 19:05

My 4 dds moved out after university, I am happy and so are they thankfully.

vegaspot · 28/10/2024 19:05

My three all boomeranged after uni.28, 29 and 24 when they finally moved out fit good Still got their rooms available if they need to come home again COL is so high in SE .

Cornflakelover · 28/10/2024 19:05

My DS moved out at 27 rented a flat on a low rent scheme designed to let you rent for 5 years at 70 percent of the market rate and save the 30 percent as a deposit
his partner / friend lived with him and they had a great time very cheap rent in a huge luxury flat 😂

he then inherited a huge deposit from his grandparents so him and his partner bought a house and have a lodger and they are using the lodgers rent to overpay the mortgage each month
They are 30 and 26

alcohole · 28/10/2024 19:07

I’m a year older than your son and my journey was:

moved out at 18 for university

moved back home at 22.

Moved back out with my own place at 24 (renting).

If I could do it all again, I’d probably stay at home a bit longer - maybe until I could afford to buy a house. But then again living at my parents house was awful, so maybe I’d just stay an extra month or 2 to pad out my savings. It’s definitely been hard moving out and being independent at that age but I don’t regret it. The memories/life experience has been worth it, but it’s definitely been tight at times and I wonder if I’m behind in life as it will take me longer to buy a house.

Mancity08 · 28/10/2024 19:07

Ds still lives at home @ 35 , earns around 23k
doesn't save anything. Most his friends lived at home till they coupled up around 32 yrs old

You can’t get 1 bed flat to rent less than 700+ and mortgage to buy is around 650+ mth plus bills/food

I’ve mentioned living with mate only to get
Im not sharing with someone I like my own space

I don’t mind but I’m his mum
dp does he’s not his dad but known him from 12 yrs old

LittleLlama · 28/10/2024 19:09

My eldest is 25 and is moving into his new home shortly (we have just finished decorating it)! He is buying and it has taken him over three years to build up a suitable deposit, we charged a low rent so he could afford to save.

My youngest 22 has no savings (went to South Africa, New Zealand, Australia, etc. for six months earlier in the year) and so is living at home.

I didn’t move out until I was 24 thou.

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 28/10/2024 19:11

DD1 is 21 and won't be moving out any time soon. DSD moved out and back a few times before moving in with her now DH at 29.

GettingStuffed · 28/10/2024 19:13

Mines 34 and still at home. He has lived in his own property but the rent went up so much he could no longer afford to live there. It was recently reported that you need a £70'000 income to have a reasonable quality of life here.

dajen · 28/10/2024 19:17

My son returned home after university and we were happy to have him as he was determined to save a deposit to buy his own place rather than rent and pay someone else’s mortgage. At 26 he bought a 2 bedroom flat which he could not have afforded to rent as the rent of an identical flat was more than his mortgage repayments.

user1471453601 · 28/10/2024 19:17

My adult child left home to go to university at 18. After graduating they lived here on and off until they got a job they settled into.

Twenty years ago, about 20 years after they left, they and their partner returned to live with me in the family home.

The reason, as thats what the opening poster seems interested in, is that they both felt they were living to work, not working to live, and they wanted to explore another way of life, which seemed to be more suited to where I lived.

I'm more than happy with the arrangements. They both seem to have found a better work/life balance than they had before.

nokidshere · 28/10/2024 19:19

I have a 25yr old still living at home. He has a substantial amount saved but doesn't earn enough for a mortgage as a single person and rents are extortionate. I have zero problems with him staying as long as he likes, he looks after himself, pays his way and is good company on the days we actually see him.

My 23yr is renting with friends in London and I don't think he will come home after, he loves city life, and is planning a move to Australia in a couple of years.

LouH5 · 28/10/2024 19:22

I’m 35 and my boyfriend is 25. We live together but aside from him, every single person in his friendship group (I just did a mental headcount- there’s 14 of them) aged 25/26 still live with their parents. Their home town is 15mins from a city centre so they are lucky to have a lot on their doorstep and can save properly for a house. The reason I mention the city is only because after uni, I never moved back to my home town as it’s a small seaside town. I adore going back to visit my parents but wanted to settle somewhere with a bit more going on.

Nikitaspearlearring · 28/10/2024 19:22

DS bought his own flat at age 28 but wasn't happy living alone so rented it out and came back home - makes financial sense and we enjoyed having him. I don't see it as a problem. He lives with his GF now but we see him a lot. I don't agree that it's embarrassing for adults to live with their parents. I left home at 18 but things were different then.

DreamW3aver · 28/10/2024 19:22

Is there a reason you think this is unusual? In my circle unless the son/daughter has moved away for work living with parents is perfectly normal

Its expensive to rent and saving for a deposit is what most are doing

MissConductUS · 28/10/2024 19:25

It's quite normal. Our son lives with us and is 24. He finished uni at age 22. He's been working on a very good salary and we don't charge him rent. He's going to relocate for a new job as soon as his background check completes and he has a formal job offer.

TheChurchofStevieNicks · 28/10/2024 19:27

Mine are still teens but I'd say in London and SE certainly there's nothing unusual about 20 somethings living with parents and not even people in their 30s really.

It's the same in the Midlands and the North. Property might be cheaper on some areas but we don't have southern wages.

User37482 · 28/10/2024 19:37

Most of the people I know in the south that got on the property ladder in recent years have had some sort of help from their parents, late 20’s early 30’s sort of age. It’s bloody hard.

MysteriousUsername · 28/10/2024 19:43

My oldest is 25. He's on the list for a council house as we're overcrowded, but it will probably be a while till he gets a place. I'm happy to have him here. He helps out, pays rent while also saving, but he's a LSA in a school, so not the best paid, but a vital job that he loves and is good at.

My 22 year old has SEN and will never live independently, so he's here for the foreseeable future, when he's older I'll look into supported living for him.

It's not like when I bought a place with my ex when I was 19. The one bedroom flat we bought was £33,000, which was 2x his salary. A flat in the same block sold for £215,000 recently. Nearly 10x my sons salary.

I have no problem with him going on the council list. It's probably the only way he will be able to afford to move out.

Delphigirl · 28/10/2024 19:44

No. Dd1 and DS1 graduated and moved straight to London into grad jobs. Dd (now 26) has since bought a flat and DS (just 24, graduated this summer) is living with a friend in a 2bed flat. He is not a saver and has a lower salary so I suspect will be renting for a while.

Differentstarts · 28/10/2024 19:48

Well reading this might answer the other thread about fall in birth rates

TomatoSandwiches · 28/10/2024 19:54

Eldest is 17 but he knows ( as we've talked about it regularly enough ) that he can stay here rent free if in education and once he starts work at a token rent so long as he saves and shows us his savings every quarter. If he can't manage that then rent will go up so we can save for him or he can move out and house share.

I'm not having a 30+ year old capable of working and saving living the life of riley at our expense.

Icequeen01 · 28/10/2024 20:04

My DS is almost 25. He went to uni but was able to commute so still lived at home. He's now working earning approximately £30,000 and is still living at home. We are happy for him to stay as long as he wants, this is his home.

He is lucky enough to already own a flat which he was able to buy when he received an inheritance which gave him a good deposit. He has rented this out since he bought it when he was 18 and it paid for most of his uni costs. He will never live in the flat as it's not in an area he would want to live but one day, when he's ready, he will sell it and buy something to live in himself.