Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 25 still lives at home

188 replies

BeOpenTiger · 28/10/2024 15:59

My DS is turning 25 next week, he still lives at home with me and DH and has lived here full time since graduating from uni when he was 21.

If you have DC around the same age can I ask whether they still live with you?

OP posts:
DemonicCaveMaggot · 28/10/2024 17:46

DH lived with his parents until we got married at age 24. He paid rent, did his share of cooking and housework and was generally treated as an adult housemate rather than a child.

The family that lives behind me has two adult sons living at home together with one of their fiances.

My adult cousins in their 30s live with their parents.

TBH when my parents and DH's parents were young it wasn't unusual for adults to live with their parents until marriage. DFIL and DMIL lived with her parents until they had saved up enough for a house in the 60's.

DH bought our retirement home with the expectation that one or both of our adult children may need to move back in with us at some point.

Devillishlooloo · 28/10/2024 17:50

I actively encouraged mine to move out. My youngest came back from uni and lived with me for about five months. He then got a flat share with two others. The eldest and middle kids never came back.

Personally I don’t think adult kids staying living with their parents is right for them or us. Just my view.

lightsandtunnels · 28/10/2024 17:51

My DS was still at home until he was 25 when he bought his first home. He stayed with us so he could save. Though he did go away for a year travelling before this. DD left home at 19 to go away to uni and never came back to live at home. She bought a place with her bf in the city she went to Uni in. I think it's quite normal for DCs to stay living at home for longer now as moving out is a massive ask for many unless they are on a good income with a partner.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/10/2024 17:52

DD1 & DD2 are in their last year at uni and both planning moving home after to save up.

DS is 26 and has his own place, but only because he's technically DSS and got some money at 21 that had been left when his Mummy died when he was a toddler.

DN (who lived with us since 14) is 25 and the only reason he didn't come back post uni is because he lives with DS.

ARichtGoodDram · 28/10/2024 17:53

I think the key is more how they behave rather than how long they live with parents.

Our adult children are treated as adults and expected to behave like adults.

It does them no favours if they're at home living like children until they are late 20s or 30s.

AmusedMaker · 28/10/2024 17:54

Ds 25 this Christmas still lives at home with us.
He can’t afford to move out.

36and3 · 28/10/2024 17:54

I rented from 21 and fresh out of uni and then was able to buy at 24 thanks to an inheritance. Surrey/SW London.

InThePinkScarf · 28/10/2024 17:57

Sad to me that in some areas of the UK, The only way single people can move out is if they are on huge salaries or meet someone. Too much focus on coupling up which shouldn't be the way.

I know a few people have attached annexes to their houses for their adult kids to live in. Great idea but not do able for some

MaybeItsBecauseImALodoner · 28/10/2024 18:06

My DS is 22 and still at home.. He's just qualified as an electrician after a 5 year apprenticeship (delayed by a year due to covid) Working and saving to move out putting by £1000 per month. He's easy to live with so this is fine with me.

elastamum · 28/10/2024 18:12

DS 25 has moved back home from overseas. He is working and contributing to the household and it is great to have living with us. It helps that it's a big house and he has his own space. There is no point in him renting elsewhere when we have so much room.

BadPeopleFan · 28/10/2024 18:24

Wow, you have shed loads more patience than me!
Firstly I would have transferred the phone contract to her the second she started earning.
Secondly when she starts wailing about paying a couple of hundred a month I would be showing her the rental prices of the properties she would be moving into unless her attitude changes significantly...
My two are only 18 and 14 and can stay as long as they want/need to on the understanding that they contribute to the household and take over their own bills such as their phone.
I have no intention of having adults living like children in my home and if they want to be petulant about it it's time for them to go off into the world and face reality.

  • I was quoting the poster who's daughter is staying at home and dad seems to want to pay for everything...no idea where the quote went!
Eyesthelimit · 28/10/2024 18:25

Not got to that stage yet but fully expect this to be the case. Was really shocked at another thread on here where someone at 19 got on the council house waiting list and claimed it was due to multiple occupancy. She appeared to come from a line of family who all lived in council houses (mother and grandmother) so maybe it comes down to expectations?

CynicalSunni · 28/10/2024 18:28

I was with my parents for about 3 or 4 years after uni. Where i was so difficult to get a permanent job. Everywhere only wanted temps so was impossible to have a steady income.

Finally ended up getting a role which i stayed at for about 5 years. Managed to safe up for a deposit on a house with my husband and we now have a house and baby.

I did move out of my parents house about 6 months after getting that job 🤣. So difficult now, even to rent you need one other person to make it affordable. My aunt could live by herself on a shop wage in the 90s.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/10/2024 18:28

27 yo has moved back. 26 and 24 year olds don’t live with us. The 24 year old might boomerang back in the future.

SnoopysHoose · 28/10/2024 18:36

@Eyesthelimit
Why is it shocking to go on the council list? not everyone can afford to buy or ever will.
If your home is overcrowded you can apply.

Inlimboin50s · 28/10/2024 18:44

Eldest DC 25 just bought a two bed shared ownership with partner and middle DC 23 joined the army so stays with me or his dad when he is up some weekends. Youngest at college doing a plumbing course. I'd love him to go to university as the others didn't just to have a break but I doubt he will but we will see.

FlyMeToPluto · 28/10/2024 18:44

Dd (24) is about to move back in as her landlord is selling the flat she lives in. Because it's so near the end of the year, she's decided to stay till after Xmas and then she'll look for somewhere new.

Ds (23) started his first job this year so he needs to save up for a deposit to rent somewhere and he's doing that.

Both are super easy and a pleasure to have at home so no issues here thank goodness.

They both now say 'how did you do it' as I was a single parent when they were young kids and they are both totally knackered from work!

Nottodaty · 28/10/2024 18:46

Mine is 21 back home after graduation. Has a grad job and has made the decision to save! We live in quite an expensive area if you need to rent! She splits the time between home and boyfriends parents house - they are the same, aware that it will be a couple of years before they move out!!

She’s a good lodger though :) pays rent, keeps her room fairly tidy! Helps around the house with washing /dishwasher etc. Maybe if she didn’t pull her weight at home I may have a different view!

Aydel · 28/10/2024 18:47

Mine have moved out. DD1’s room is now the library. She shrieked a bit but a) she is 26 and b) she’s not even living in U.K. Suspect DD2 might move home at some point.

60sbird · 28/10/2024 18:48

My 40 year old left home 22 years ago and got married and had two beautiful daughters then earlier this year he split with his wife and has now moved into my annex, my 22 year old left home for uni at 18, dropped out 6 months later and has periodically came back here for a month or so at a time then moves on again

Auburngal · 28/10/2024 18:49

If children are living with their parents til early - mid 30s, housing developments need to futureproof new builds. More parking bays per house etc.

JustToBeMe · 28/10/2024 18:51

Ds 26 & 23 live with Dh and I, neither can afford to move out, yes they both work, and earn just over minimum wage.

Renting around here for a 1 bedroom flat is £1.100 and over, then you've got gas/electric/water/council tax, food on top!!
plus any other expenses like motor bike/car insurance, fuel, tax and mot...etc etc!

FlyMeToPluto · 28/10/2024 18:53

Mine won't even learn to drive as they can't see the point. They can't afford a car and they can't afford car insurance. I even volunteered to pay for their lessons but they won't do it as they say there is no point (which is a shame as I worry they will never learn!).

DramaAlpaca · 28/10/2024 18:55

My youngest DS is 27, still lives at home and is very welcome to stay as long as he likes.

My older two boomeranged back and forwards for a few years before they moved out for good.

Nina1013 · 28/10/2024 18:57

I think it depends what they’re like and what living with them looks like. Mutually respectful, all get along nicely - I could live with for life (but we do have a large house so plenty of space).

My daughter let me know a while back that she will ‘need’ the house once she’s grown up, so we will have to relocate. You’ll find me in a bedsit somewhere once she’s 18…. (She was young enough for this to be funny!).