To have shouted at a stranger at the pool?

[Fullmooncomfort]

I’m still mulling this over so needed some opinions from you wise owls. The fact I’m still thinking about it makes me think I probably did the wrong thing 😖

scenario: busy pool today with Dd8 and her friend, we had just into a family cubicle to change after a nice swim. Changing rooms were busy and in high demand which is normal for weekend family swim time. We’d been in there for a couple of mins (so just at the stage I’m half dressed with dripping wet hair and the girls are wrapped up in towels slowly starting to dry off). The door to the cubicle gets banged on really loudly so I ignored it assuming someone had the wrong cubicle. However when it happened again really loudly I said “it’s occupied, won’t be too long” and the person on the other side started shouting about a jacket and rattling the door. The knocking and rattling of
the door continued and got louder and this girls started to get upset so I opened it a crack to say I think you’ve got the wrong cubicle, and a very red faced angry woman started shouting at me saying I’d taken her cubicle and stolen her daughter’s jacket 🤷‍♀️I had to speak loudly as she was literally just ranting and I said I think you have the wrong cubicle, it’s me and 2 girls and we are changing so please step away and you are welcome to come in when we are done but there’s nothing it in apart from our stuff.
She then put her hand on the door and continued to shout about a jacket, saying she needed to come in and check as I had clearly moved her clothes out of it and stolen the cubicle and jacket. I finally lost my temper and shouted back (I know that was wrong but it was awful, the girls were upset and she had her hand on the door so I couldn’t shut and lock it) and she started really yelling at me. I didn’t know what to do so asked loudly if security was around (lots of wide eyed parents standing who did nothing but not a lifeguard in sight as they were poolside and no security as they of course would normally have no reason to patrol a kids changing area)
She then screamed that I was racist and she was calling security on me for theft 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️and walked off, so I went back in to reassure the girls, having locked the door.
Next thing I know a lifeguard of about 17 who looked confused knocked on the door and said a lady had come to complain that her daughter’s expensive jacket had been stolen and I had been racist towards her. I felt really upset (I think just shock) and managed to wobble out the above story and that I was finishing getting the girls ready and we would come out and she could check it for this jacket (that clearly wasn’t in there). Then a security guard arrived so it was chaotic at this point, it all got repeated and she said she would try and find the women. She came back after a few minutes to say she’d spoken to her and told her she should have been polite and waited for us to exit before going in to check if the coat was in there, but that she had denied raising her voice and said that I had been deliberately goading and obstructive and racist. I got quite upset and said I certainly wasn’t racist or goading and while I did stop her entering the cubicle it was only because the girls were naked and we had just started getting changed. She sort of shrugged and nodded and walked off and I gathered up my things and we left. I feel awful for having lost my temper and shouted at her and for security, which scared the girls more, but I simply lost my rag after repeated attempts to ask her to wait while
we finished changing, and then she was so aggressive. I’ve had to explain to the girls what racist means and how It was nothing to do with race, but I’m mortified my DD and her friend saw me raise my voice and shout at her to move away from the civil cubicle. WWYHD in that situation? My gut tells me I handled it badly but it was all so sudden and intense and I think my fear turned into anger ☹️

@Jezabelle85 Sexual assault is based on facts!
It either happened or it didn’t .
You simply cannot compare the two!

Is sexual harassment and assault based on facts? Why is the conviction rate so pitifully low? Do you not think it is because it is so often a "he says, she says" situation where the CPS doesn't have confidence that they will secure a conviction?

Had the lady accused the OP of calling her a racially derogative name, that would be different, however, to claim someone is racist because you ‘feel’ they are challenging your antisocial behaviour and not allowing them to intimidate you due to your race, is LUDICROUS!!!

Yes - from the OP's account, it does seem rather odd behaviour from the other party at face value.

I quite often have opinions that differ from others - I lean in to my resting bitch face.

But yes, this subject is a bit of a bug bear for me as I have seen the tone and the language around ethnicity change in my teams over the last number of years. It is not something I like to see regress, and a simple step back and de-charging of the debate can often calm the seas.

You sound delightful. Rather than vent to a captive audience, you took the opportunity to educate your daughter on discrimination - even while you were still processing the incident on the way home.

My 'thought experiment' was not indicative of a judgment of your actions, but rather some of the responses which jumped in on the race element heavy handedly. Sorry for the hijack!

It sounds like she tried to reserve the cubicle by leaving a jacket in there, it got stolen/moved by someone else, and she fully believed you had taken the jacket and the cubicle because you were in there when she came back. She probably still thinks you stole it.

The racism thing could be due to the tone of voice you used, if she perceived you were talking down to her she may have attributed that to you being white.

As a side note it annoys me when people don't put thier stuff in lockers and try to bagsy cubicles by leaving clothes in them. It's very selfish and and most leisure centres have signs up saying to use lockers and not leave things unattended.

Your more mild mannered than me I’d have told her to take a running fuck to herself after she raised her voice regardless of the kids being there 🤷🏻‍♀️ that’s just me though

Sure, in an ideal world you wouldn't have raised your voice and maybe it did alarm the kids. But I doubt most people would have remained calm in that situation, it sounds very stressful both for yourself to be in and to be trying to protect the kids in. I'm really sorry this happened to you and I think you handled it well. Hope you are okay :(

Always the racist card so very rude you did not do anything wrong you protected yiur kids and yourself from what seems to of been a rude obnoxious person who I hope feels ashamed of her actions

To be honest she would have gotten a significantly worse experience with me, I wouldn’t worry OP, who behaves likes that, how absolutely ridiculous.

Not you!
The mad woman.

I think you were quite calm considering the circumstances you were in...lf she did that to me, l cannot say what l would do....Nasty woman

This.

You did nothing wrong, I would have absolutely lost it in this situation, sounds like you handled it very well.

Omg OP! She intimidated and harassed you and your girls, frightened your girls - and you're more worried about having upset this abusive lier of a thug!? I think you need to learn some boundaries and grow some confidence!

You did nothing wrong and quite held it nicely.

Next time, don’t open the door if someone shouts on the other side. You just never know.

Same!

Race card played by a nutter. You did the right thing.

You didn’t do anything but try and defend you and the girls in a vulnerable situation. I think what horrifies me about the modern day is people sit idly by and witness someone being threatened and don’t intervene to diffuse the situation. If someone else would have told her to calm down maybe it would have made her think more of her actions.

Your girls need to know 1. How to deal with idiots. 2. That you will deal with idiots to keep them safe. I did something similar with a white van man. I did call him a dickhead inform of the grandchildren. As we drove off the kids were howling laughing thst nanny swore at a driver and I said ... " and that boys is how to deal with bullys"

Something very similar happened to me once. A lady was holding the baby changing room open, saying that I was taking too long and throwing aggressive comments at me. It turned into both of us shouting at each other, and it was only the start of my holiday! I kept thinking about it over and over again, and it raised my anxiety levels, and the one thing I wish I could have done was to call security.

You did the right thing about calling security/lifeguards etc, there is not much else you could have done. One thing you could have done is called security from inside the cubicle before opening the door, but of course you didn't know what to expect, and tried to informal resolve it. Just teach your DDs that in a situation like that always call security.

There are some very strange and aggressive people in the world who would try and ruin it for others.

I know I’m late to this party but just another message of reassurance to say that you did absolutely nothing wrong, you were getting changed and this person sounds like a nasty idiot. You could not have been expected to allow her into the cubicle, you had children with you who weren’t dressed. Disgusting behaviour on her end. Hope you’re feeling better 💐

I can’t believe you added that comment. The children are 8 years old not 18. Too young to be in a changing cubicle on their own 😧

I would have slapped her silly!!!!.Bless you.

Totally agree.

Ah now that is out of order. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with posters saying this particular woman was playing the race card, but that ‘always’ is bang out of order. Who ‘always’ plays the race card? You can’t mean that woman, because you can’t know who she is, so you must mean, well, who?