To find male colleague's message odd?

[HorsesnCourses]

Am on a CBT course, training to become a counsellor. We have a group chat for course members. A male course member offered to help with an aspect of the course I was struggling with.
I accepted his help, though what initially should have been 10 mins ended up being about an hour, with me trying to wrap it up numerous times. I thanked him for his help, and thought no more about it.

I continued to answer other members' queries or respond to messages on the course group chat over the coming days.

Two days later, out of nowehere, I receive a picture sent to me privately and not to our course group chat, of his and his wife's feet/shoes, with the rest of their bodies cut off (they were sat together), with a message saying his wife has stolen his trainers and is wearing them.

I found this bizarre....the kind of message ment for a friend, and assumed he would reply with a 'oops sorry, that wasn't meant for you' message, but none came. After two days I decided that I would have to reply with something generic, as I didn't want to seem like I was ignoring him or being rude, especially since I was going to see him again soon at a training day.

I just responded with 'Oh dear, hopefully you got them back'.

I found the picture so odd....it made me feel really uncomfortable. I can't imagine a world in which a colleague on a professional course thinks I want to start seeing pictures of him and his wife's shoes/feet, or start messaging about anything other than the course.

In the meantime, on our group chat, lots of us are sharing messages or reaching out about practising on each other (as we have to build up our skills through practising).

A couple of days later he messages me again, privately, and asks how my practising is going, and how many people I have managed to secure to practise on. I wait a couple of days again and then I send once more a really general message, flat in tone, just saying I am fine and building up my practising.

He then suggests I take him on as a practice client. I absolutely do not want to do this, especially since he sent the picture to me.

I told him I won't be practising on any other course members moving forwards, as I want to help others outside the course, and told him I am sure there are plenty of others on the course who would take him on (There are 25+ of us, so no need to ask me).

I feel really awkward about having to say no, and am worried about seeing him at our next training sessio
n.
My boyfriend says his behaviour is odd/inappropriate but nothing bad enough to warrant telling the course leader about. I agree he hasn't actually done anything wrong, but am I being unreasonable to think you shouldn't send a message like that to a female course member you don't know, and then to tell her to take you on as a client? Or am I overreacting?

Is his name Alex?

when I was training to be a psychotherapist many years ago, the course leader admitted privately that she didn't take on male applicants anymore as they'd had so many issues in the past with men trying it on or being weird/odd/inappropriate/sexual towards women on the course.
These messages don't seem to be that odd, but the fact that you're unsettled by them suggests to me that you ought to trust your instincts.
We have them for a reason!

Agreed. I would do this. he doesn’t sound like a suitable counsellor. Mind you, I have read that there are psychopaths, who enjoy being psychologists or the like. I’ve experienced a pretty dodgy counsellor myself. In the end she was removed from the service. Nothing to do with me as I didn’t complain. But in hindsight I am not surprised she did or said something inappropriate.

Exactly!

This!

Sounds like you’re on alert for some reason .. that has gone right over my head

I wouldn’t like this one little bit. It’s already naking you uncomfortable.
I agree with PPs that unless you shut it down there will be more inappropriate messages. He’s testing the waters and they could become explicit instead of just weird.
Trust your gut and tell your course leader about it. And tell him to confine his missives to the group chat.

My boyfriend says his behaviour is odd/inappropriate but nothing bad enough to warrant telling the course leader about.

I disagree, he is training to work as a professional with potentially vulnerable people. This could be a fitness to practice issue and the course leader should know without a doubt. Imagine if he did this to a young female patient!

I am actually not sure you are overTHINKING anything. You may be FEELING ‘weird vibes.’ Because the guy is acting weird.

If he weirds you out, then listen to your gut, and keep your distance. And if there is any awkwardness, don’t blame yourself. Being on the same course does not entitle him to your one-on-one attention.

He sounds strange. Why’s he messaging you nonsense completely unprovoked?!

I think it's weird him sending you this photo when you dont really know him

Cant you 'accidentely' post it on the group chat

I don’t get his message at all and can’t imagine how it’s funny. Unless I’m missing something or there’s context and it followed on from another conversation…

If he’s trying to hit on you then he’s not very good at it & I wouldn’t mention my wife if hitting on someone. If he’s the type to do this he’d surely have more game.

I think it doesn’t really matter at their point unless things change.

Think I would have posted the picture in the group chat and look what A just sent me, how funny.

Then just kept everything he said posted to the group chat and answered him in the group chat

Also if you do feel uncomfortable mention his wife, ask how they met etc etc

I don’t think it’s weird at all.

Lots of people make friends through these sorts of courses.
Unfortunately, as we get older this is harder to do and it’s much more awkward.

I recently started a course and we’re all a bit in the awkward stage but I’ve had private messages off both female and male group members.
I’ve also had a couple of photos of things that aren’t anything to do with the course.

I can’t see how sending you a photo of him and his wife’s shoes is weird - surely he would send a photo when his wife isn’t in it.

Not every man is going to fancy you.

I’d ask the trainer (in front of everyone) if it’s appropriate to have another classmate as a practice client - I’m sure the trainer will say no!

IME if your prickdar is going off, it's with good reason.

I think a decent man would be aware of the potential for misunderstanding when chatting one-to-one with a much younger woman. They would be careful to be very, very appropriate.

He knows what he's doing - and so do you.

Send him a picture of your husband’s hands wearing your gloves and see where it goes from there.

After two days I decided that I would have to reply with something generic, as I didn't want to seem like I was ignoring him or being rude, especially since I was going to see him again soon at a training day.

This is where you are going wrong.
You should not be worrying about ignoring someone or being rude. No-one has the right to demand your attention. It is your right to be as 'rude' as you like, if that just means ignoring unwanted messages.

You have been socialised to be too nice. You need to find your ability to ignore people and not give a second thought about what they think of you.

This behaviour isn't about fancying OP

It's possibly "sounding her out " to what he can get away with.

It's totally unprofessional of him especially .

This isn't just a lonely older man looking for friendship, it's a man training in a very particular area to work with vulnerable people who should be displaying the highest level of professionalism and caution.

You're right to be cautious and keep your distance