WWYD Ambushed By Ex's Family

[LoneWolfOfThePack]

Hi,

I have a previous thread on here about ex and contact with my dd so won't go into too much detail again about it here to try to keep it as short, but for context I have a 10 week old DD, haven't been with her dad since I found out about the pregnancy and has had no contact so far. Social services have completed a risk assessment on him and have recommended supervised contact in a contact center funded by him... there has been no action on this so far and the last interaction I had with him was over 2 weeks ago when I told him to seek legal advice if he wasnt happy with what the ss recommended for court. He threw a strop, got abusive and I had to block him again.

The issue... today I went with a family member and their child to a local market stall type event. I saw 1 of exs sisters there and attempted the best I could to avoid her until she approached me and asked if I was lonepack, I said yes and she immediately picked up my sleeping DD out of her pram. A couple seconds later exs mother, other sister and 8 kids (assuming theirs) surrounded me and the pram so I couldn't move and proceeded to pass DD between them. Still not once did they ask if that was okay.

They then bombarded me with questions about why they can't have contact, they can't get in touch with the social worker, etc etc. They also confirmed (unintentionally I think) that ex had indeed been continuing to lie to myself and social services to downplay his risk.

They say that they want contact with my DD without ex knowing or being present. In a panic to get DD back so I could leave I said I'd think about it and gave them my number then practically ran away before I had an anxiety attack or worse they contacted ex to join in the ambush.

I will be notifying SS of this interaction tomorrow but I don't know what to do moving forward. Its shook me up abit as I've not had any interaction with any of them (apart from exs harassment) in almost a year until today.

Does anyone have any advice moving forward? WWYD in my situation? Do I let them have contact in the agreement that ex has no knowledge or involvement?

Sorry, that was still way longer than I intended.

How on earth did she manage to grab your child out of the pram without you stopping her? Were you looking the other way or something?

I wouldn't allow them contact while trusting them to lie to your ex about it.

Why did you give them your number? Block them if they contact you.

The OP is already feeling shaken after a horrible, abusive experience. Implying it is in some way her fault is a shit thing to do.

Hope you’re ok OP. All you can do is contact SS in the morning and explain what happened.

You posting this message is a shit thing to do when I'm simply trying to find out whether the child was snatched out of the pram without her knowledge, as that would make it much more serious, and possibly something the OP could report to the police.

But you carry on stirring if you think that's helpful to the OP 🙄

Yikes. You sound as though you were well and truly ambushed. It also sounds as though they weren't necessarily acting in the spur of the moment. I'd be very cautious of having any contact with them going forward.
Hope you're okay.

@TheresaCrowd it was a split second thing. By the time I'd finished confirming I was X her hands were already on DD and she was half way out the pram. Then I stupidly just froze and started panicking. I didnt know what to do. A couple seconds later the rest of the family had surrounded me and i couldnt move even if i wanted to.

I would inform the police as well as social services. I wouldn't touch someone's baby without asking!

I'm sad your family member didn't step in for you!

It's a horrible sounding situation, I'd probably freeze too. In the moment, surrounded by strange people I wouldn't want to provoke them (if they're related to your ex especially!) and double that if they've already got their hands on your child.

Can you change your number? Or your settings so all messages from unknown numbers get filtered out?

Don't start contact with them would be my instinct, especially not with how messy it already sounds.

They had to ask if you were lonepack?

They just picked your baby up?

Your baby's Dad has no contact & would be required to use a contact centre?

like fuck would they be seeing MY child!!

is there anywhere else you could move to where you'd have support, I'd move far & fast before he gets ANY right to see her.

Understandable OP.

Honestly I'd stand your ground and try to facilitate as little contact as possible.

They obviously have no respect for you and they showed it.

It must have been quite frightening for you OP.

Speak to SS tomorrow and you might want to ask them about getting an anti molestation order against your ex's family.

nationallegalservice.co.uk/family-solicitors/non-molestation-orders/#:~:text=What%20is%20a%20non%2Dmolestation,causing%20you%20or%20children%20harm.

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What is a non-molestation order?
A non-molestation order is a type of injunction that you can apply for through the family court. These orders are granted in order to prevent a partner, or former partner (or other “associated person”), from causing you or children harm.
Harm doesn’t just mean physical harm, it can also include harassment, intimidation, psychological abuse, or even threats to inflict physical harm, as well as coercive and controlling behaviour and financial abuse.
Non-molestation orders can be served to many different types of people that you have a relationship with, not just spouses, this is what is known as “associated persons”.

@LoneWolfOfThePack I would absolutely sever contact with this bunch of crazies. They are mixed up and fucked up. Do everything that you can to avoid them and the father. They sound dangerous and how intimidating for you. I can understand how you froze, how scary 😳

I am not sure how you can avoid the father trying to have some contact but I certainly would be using this incident as a reason why it's not advisable.

@AutumnLeaves24 yes they had to ask surprisingly. I have only met each person there once. The sister who started the ambush said that she wasn't sure as that one time we met I had make up but because she had verified the person I was with was my family member through a Facebook picture she decided to approach me. Which seems unlikely as she was already picking my DD up before I had finished saying yes.

Ah, they were baffling you quite clearly. That makes them sound even more dangerous.

Anyone who walks up to a complete stranger and grabs their baby out of its pram has no concept of appropriate behaviour, societal norms or acceptable boundaries.

Report the incident to SS and block the lot of them if they contact you. There is no way on earth my child would be having contact with this bunch of crazies.

And in future if any of them approach you and so much as lay a finger on your child, start screaming blue murder.

Do not engage with any of them. Presumably they see your ex? They could persuade you to let them have dd and allow ex contact... They are his family. Not your friends.. Block them immediately if any messages come... Your dd's safety and your mh come first. He wants contact he can use the proper channels..

You'd actually inform the police that someone picked your baby up? Yes they absolutely shouldn't have done that but come on ffs.

Well, I would inform the police, they sound dangerous. The next time they may not give the child back. The fact they did this is very threatening.

Just to be clear, your ex's family have no right of contact over your child.

You don't have to acquiesce to any demands on their part even for them to have contact without him knowing.

The fact they ambushed you demonstrates they are without boundaries and cannot be trusted.

If they try and contact you keep a log of the contact but do not respond.

If you want to go down the anti mol route then repeated (unwanted) contact lends weight to them harassing you (which is why it may be useful not to block them as otherwise you can't build up the evidence).

The main thing to do is keep SS in the loop and this demonstrates that you are doing all you can to keep your child safe and being transparent about about any issues

Block and get in touch with the Social Services first thing tomorrow.
And no, you do not facilitate contact between your baby and the no boundaries having paternal side.
Maybe use the Social Services relationship in order to facilitate a move when parental disinterest from your child's father becomes an obvious pattern.
Write every missed contact, contact between yourself and child's father/ family member(s) down, with clear, unembroidered facts.
Also develop the skill of clear, firm speech. The one benefit of your less than pleasant buck up with your child's other side is that you are now mindful remembering that you all live in the same area. So you are now mentally aware of how they stay and any potential surprises.
It is therefore contingent upon you, being your child's only protector to envisage your physical boundaries to any other infringement on your child.
These people are strangers to you and strangers do not ordinarily take babies out of their prams, uninvited, much less with little negative reaction from the parent/caregiver.
This is not a diss. It's just a trebling down of the fact that you are your child's one true back up and you have to harness some "lioness mode" and also manipulate Social Services to your and your child's present and future advantage.
Victim mode with little foresight or proactive will, will not facilitate this.
Good luck.

It's how the family member that I was with reacted that is making me question if I am being unreasonable to not consider exs wider family being allowed contact as she pretty much said all the right things to them (ss are to blame, no risk factor should prevent contact, etc, etc) until we left and she had a rant about how uncalled for that was. I don't know if she was afraid that 12 people were surrounding me and had my baby passed between them so tried to agree to defuse the situation but it only made me feel even more anxious and alone in that moment that I feel maybe I am being unreasonable to not meet my child's paternal GM and aunt once a month for a coffee or whatever. But the crippling what ifs in regard to risk and how that interaction made me feel is also playing on my mind.

Apologies. I felt a bit protective of the OP and perhaps misinterpreted your post.

😌

@LoneWolfOfThePack yes possibly your family member was caught off guard too and tried to diffuse the situation. But regardless, you absolutely should not be feeling that you have to drawn into a situation where you must meet any of them.

Where is the father in this. Has he contacted you?

Be guided by what SS say.

It doesn't matter what his family think/want.

Do not put your relationship with your child at risk because his family have made you feel uncomfortable.