WWYD Ambushed By Ex's Family

[LoneWolfOfThePack]

Hi,

I have a previous thread on here about ex and contact with my dd so won't go into too much detail again about it here to try to keep it as short, but for context I have a 10 week old DD, haven't been with her dad since I found out about the pregnancy and has had no contact so far. Social services have completed a risk assessment on him and have recommended supervised contact in a contact center funded by him... there has been no action on this so far and the last interaction I had with him was over 2 weeks ago when I told him to seek legal advice if he wasnt happy with what the ss recommended for court. He threw a strop, got abusive and I had to block him again.

The issue... today I went with a family member and their child to a local market stall type event. I saw 1 of exs sisters there and attempted the best I could to avoid her until she approached me and asked if I was lonepack, I said yes and she immediately picked up my sleeping DD out of her pram. A couple seconds later exs mother, other sister and 8 kids (assuming theirs) surrounded me and the pram so I couldn't move and proceeded to pass DD between them. Still not once did they ask if that was okay.

They then bombarded me with questions about why they can't have contact, they can't get in touch with the social worker, etc etc. They also confirmed (unintentionally I think) that ex had indeed been continuing to lie to myself and social services to downplay his risk.

They say that they want contact with my DD without ex knowing or being present. In a panic to get DD back so I could leave I said I'd think about it and gave them my number then practically ran away before I had an anxiety attack or worse they contacted ex to join in the ambush.

I will be notifying SS of this interaction tomorrow but I don't know what to do moving forward. Its shook me up abit as I've not had any interaction with any of them (apart from exs harassment) in almost a year until today.

Does anyone have any advice moving forward? WWYD in my situation? Do I let them have contact in the agreement that ex has no knowledge or involvement?

This is very simple OP. Do not speak with these people again and do not even for 1 minute think of facilitating contact.
It is for ex to arrange contact for his family and I'm sure he could arrange to bring them to the contact centre if he was bothered.
If they contact you then simply reply to the message saying, please speak to ex for contact arrangements and then block them. It's just not your job or role to do this and it's an unnecessary stress in your life
Good luck

Personally I'd move away and change my name. That sounds horrendous. The child has a right to be protected from such an awful man and his family. You will never be safe there. If he's not on the BC, just move , surely he can't stop you?

Not quite like that though was it? Obviously the baby has initially been picked up which shouldn't have happened. Then all the rest have joined and all passed the baby, not aggressively at all. The OP has let it happen whilst stood talking to them and then gave them her number. I fail to see how that is a police matter.

You're going to have to change your number.

I would honestly also consider moving!

OP, if you are going to go somewhere where there is the slightest chance of being ambushed again, then maybe consider wearing DD in a baby sling instead of having her in a pram. You can have your arms around her and much less opportunity for someone to grab her.

on no planet would it be appropriate to pick a virtual strangers baby up out of their pram without consent @2little - then surround the mother and pass the baby amongst themselves. Awful behaviour! Clearly ss have real concerns about you and your dd with your ex. You’ve had good advice op.

Block them. I would completely come off SM, and if they text you, block the number.

Better still, can you change your number?

Absolutely no way would I want any of them seeing her. Imagine thinking it’s ok to walk up to a sleeping tiny baby belonging to someone you’ve met once and just pick them up without asking? Just a different planet. So weird and indicates a massive lack of boundaries and a huge sense of entitlement. Whatever your ex has done, they will be trying to strengthen his position to facilitate unsupervised access. This will be the ultimate goal.
They have absolutely no rights to your daughter. Don’t invite them into your lives when it sounds like you’ve dodged a bullet by your shit ex not wanting any contact. You’d be adding complication you don’t need. Your daughter does not need family like that. Protect her. Change your number!!

Thank you everyone who has replied so far. I have an appointment with SS tomorrow afternoon but I think I will call them in the morning too as I don't think this can wait as it will give them time to possibly prepare some resources to help me.

It has scared me because I don't think this will be the last time I will be approached now. My reaction today has also really worried me and that's not something I can let happen again.

They did state today that they had wanted to come to my door but didn't know how I'd react, however since they've saw my reaction to being bombarded in public I'm now worried that it's going to make them feel brave enough to start coming to my home so I can't just sit and do nothing. If my reaction is to freeze in public, wtf would it be like solo at my own home :(

The ss said this? Why would they say this do you think??

OP do not reply to any text or other messages.

If they call put the phone down as soon as you realise it is them. Do not continue the conversation you have a right to talk to who you like.

If you can go to your phone settings now and block private numbers. You will have to unblock them if you are expecting a call from your GP.

If they come to your door DO NOT OPEN it.

Tell them to leave and if they won't call the police. Tell the police they are trying to harm your baby who is 10 weeks old.

No, because the op did feel threatened by their actions and froze.

Could you or would you think of moving somewhere else and soon? Are you in a position to do this now? I think it is the only way you will ever have any peace in your life and not jump at the doorbell, or fear bumping into any of the ex family on any day you are out and about.

I note that ex is controlling you regarding the terms of contact with the child, but maybe that's why you split in the first place and good on you for getting away from him if that's the case.

I hope SS sorts things out for you, but realistically your best bet is to get away.

I admit that I don't know the legalities of the father's rights to contact if not on the BC. - should you move away. Someone might know though.

The OP is not married to the father. For the father to be on the birth certificate he would have to accompany the OP to the registry office. As he's a threat to her welfare he couldn't do that.

So if he wants to be on the birth certificate he needs to go to Court. It isn't actually hard for him to do but most men like him make a lot of noise about it and never get around to actioning it.

If they know where you live I think you do need to move. So sorry.

You should move out of the area

That is so scary. Who on earth picks up a baby that’s not theirs?
You’re right to speak to SS in the morning. Might it be worth talking to Women’s Aid as well? They might have some advice.
Me, I’d be moving as far away as possible.
Don’t reply if any of them contact you, just block the number.
Don’t trust them no matter what they say/ offer. It may well be a ruse to let ex see your baby.

If they come to your home, you call the police.

Yes, ss have said that they find his behaviour very odd, any communication they have from him that isn't face to face is through one of his sisters (they've met him three times in person and every phone call is his sister on the line with him in the background) and it concerns them that when they do have interaction with him alone that his only views and stance is strongly about wanting to be family and he needs me there no matter what. He's told them that even if we can't be together I need to be there regardless.

They have also said that they are concerned about how much he seems to know about social services and their processes but also how he seems to know certain ways to attempt to play them to his own narrative. There's also very little trace of him in any of their usual system checks.

In a sort of backhanded way they have implied that there is a sinister feel but its hard to pinpoint exactly what that danger is.

You were not stupid, OP. This is the classic, textbook response humans employ when in a situation of perceived threat: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. 'Freeze' is the common response in situations such as these. Plus they had the element of surprise on their side, whereas you were completely blindsided. I'm not surprised you are shaken. Their behaviour was extremely intimidating and threatening.

I think in your shoes I would seriously consider reporting this incident to the police. The least you will then have is the beginnings of a paper trail in case they escalate. If they do, then it might be possible to put a court injunction in place.

Also, a ring doorbell at your home might not be a bad idea, as well as a check over your home security. And keep a record of every incident that happens in a bound notebook.

No one should be expected to tolerate this.

I think it might have been the random comment about him killing DD that the PP was questioning?!

Honestly, I’d come off socials completely and move away in this situation.

Start fresh with your DD.

No real advice other than that others have said but wanted to say please don’t be too hard on yourself for freezing. It sounds like that was an intimidating situation and you were literally ambushed. So sorry you’re going through this

However, I don't think that was their intention.

That's not a risk Op can take though is it?

Obviously OP was ambushed. She’s also very recently given birth, clearly isn’t that long out of an abusive relationship and dealing all the fall out of that at one of the most vulnerable times of her life. But feel free to judge away.