To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

[Seaofcake]

We have narrowed down our secondary school choices to two options and DH and I disagree about which one is best. DH is willing to pay for private and although it wouldn’t by any means be a drop in the ocean, we could do it.

We’ve gone round in circles with this decision. My pros and cons are below. Any advice would really be welcome.

State comp

Pros

• Mixed sex
• 10 minute drive in rush hour. He could walk or catch the bus eventually.
• Ofsted report is outstanding in all areas
• Enrichment programme
• Strict on behaviour
• 1.5 mile catchment, local kids
• Get to stay in area and younger DC can go to primary when ready.

Cons

• Less chance for trips and opportunities, will need to fight for them
• Some kids look rough when we’ve hung around during end of school day (but there is a good number of polite, decent kids too; it’s just very varied)
• Only 20% scored above 7 in English and Maths
• Strict but some rules are over the top

Private school

Pros

• Excellent GCSE and A level scores
• Excellent extra-curriculars
• Excellent and varied trips
• Well behaved, polite boys

Cons

• Boys school so limited social opportunities with girls. No contact with girls till 16
• It’s a city school with little greenery
• School finishes at 16:00 but coach gets back at 17:15 and that’s without after-school clubs
• Have to get the coach in the morning too and it leaves at 07:40 so it makes for a very long day
• If he does clubs, they finish at 17:30 but coach gets back at 18:40
• Forced to move?
• Can afford an extended semi in the city centre but it doesn’t have the greenery of our current location and we will lose the catchment of our local primary for younger DC who are due to join in a few years time

What would you do?

Personally - private. Know some will slate me for my choice. But it does come down to that - personal choice.

What does your son want to do? Is he up for the longer days? If it’s an academically selective school, will he be able to keep up & thrive or will he be towards the lower end of the year group? Can you afford to put both children through private school until they’re 18 (once you’re in, it’s very difficult to leave)?

Posting as a private school parent, it’s a huge commitment (both financially and in terms of expectations) and not one to be entered into without really being 100% sure.

Well we chose private for our DC but in your situation the state looks better. Not all privates are better than all state schools. If I had a comp that good on my doorstep we would never have gone for private.

There being "only" 20% GCSE above a 7 isn't bad - the national average is only about 15% so that's above average and if your DC is high ability and in top set with othrt high ability they won't have any worse experience than in a selective school.

In this case I would choose state. Mine is in private but it's a mixed school and the state one is awful so no choice really.

If you have a good state school on your doorstep it's a no-brainer.

@Schoolgates DS goes along with us on these things and doesn’t really seem to have a strong opinion. He is very good at making friends so I think he would be fine going to the private school despite not knowing anyone. But he gets carsick and although he says he’s up for sitting on a coach for an hour each way I can’t see it; DH insists he’d get used to it. Academically he’d be at the lower end of the group. We are coming from a state school and it’s been tough getting him to the level required; though he is bright and very engaged in his learning.

We have one other DS with a big age gap so will only ever need to put them through private secondary once at a time so could potentially do it for both.

State. Supplement with tutoring ad and when required. The journey is not worth the benefits in my opinion.

I had a good experience of a comp with my two so I'd be happy with that. Kids hang around with like-minded kids and the tough kids dont bother them. It's your kids' grades that matter, not whether everyone in a non selective school got top grades. Having said that if you can afford private it might be lovely.

State - with tutoring from the start.

What we did was choose the comp. One's now doing a PhD, two are at top universities and the youngest wants to be an actor so is at a college for the performing arts. Although I think all 4 might have benefited from private schooling for the music/sporting/arts opportunities offered, we managed to supply those with extra curricular activities (cost a lot of both money and our time but nowhere near what private school would have cost, even with scholarships/bursaries). Ultimately the private school didn't offer anything that they couldn't be achieve by hard work and application of their various talents.

I can only speak from my own expertise of going to a private school and sending my kids to one:

Private school is about SO much more than grades. It's not just the extra curriculars, it's being in an environment where it's cool to work hard, play sports, play an instrument, be involved with school life, take on responsibilities and be a decent person etc etc. An environment where it's embarrassing to let yourself down by not trying.

However! I am sure that a great state school is a much better option than a poor private school.

State. Every time.

I'd send to state and fund them through uni if you want to spend cash on their education. The long day including after school clubs sounds exhausting.

The kids in the top sets of a Comp want to work hard and do well, like bright kids in other schools.

State and use the money saved for trips and opportunities as a family.

State and house deposit
20% getting 7+ is higher than national average and only a problem if your child is unlikely to be top 20%

State plus tutoring to stay in top sets.

If you have to move house etc it's a huge adjustment and your younger DC miss out on a primary you are happy with.

From your specific pros and cons, state (I'm not anti private)
The extra curricular can be done privately which would give him a wider choice rather than whst the school decides they are doing and also another set of friends from different schools.
Also trips can be done as a family.

In the same sort of situation I chose private for my child. State schools are going to the devil just now and o didn't want her to get caught up in that.

That said, the school is a short walk away so no considerations about the distance!

But the environment is what Im paying for - no nonsense, amazing opportunities, small community etc.

I think though as you have another child I'd factor them in too. Private school is crippling financially unless you're absolutely loaded. It's one thing to take it on for 5/7 yrs with the first but then it's potentially up to 14 yrs when you factor in your youngest. I imagine when it comes to it you will want to give him the same opportunity as his older brother and will feel guilty if you can't/won't/don't.

Private, but I'm saying that as someone who has just started our DS in a private secondary because he has SEN that all of the state schools in our area said they couldn't handle (he has an EHCP and they said they couldn't meet the needs within it.) We are practically bankrupting ourselves to do it, but I have such a lack of faith in the state system now that I didnt feel we had much of a choice. We went through four state primaries and a significant period of time with him out of school entirely. For the first time ever, he's at a school where he feels like he fits in and they genuinely seem to want him there and are great with him. Our daughter doesn't have SEN, but we will be doing the same for her when she gets to secondary age (fortunately he will have finished by the time she starts!), because I am not happy sending her to any schools that so openly didn't want her brother.

I guess if you have a good state option though then it's different!

Private everytime

State.

The money you don't spend can be used for holidays, trips, tutors, activities.

I'd go for private.

You say your DS is bright, willing and engaged yet he is already at the lower end of the group academically. That says it all.

My DS was the same, terribly frustrated with primary school and to be fair, our state option was horrendous and failing, so we chose private.

Does the state school offer taster days?

State. Without question.

In your case, state. Spend the money saved on enriching trips you organise. The journey is too long. We drove DC to boarding school for 1 hour. They would not have sat on a bus for that long every day.

We did choose single sex though. The other sex don’t have to be part of school, Do you not have any girls in his life from anywhere? Boys schools can concentrate on the needs of boys. However if you believe girls are vital in education, then go for the state school. Are there no other private schools that are nearer? I believe in top class offerings from private schools but this private school seems too far away and will you ever easily afford it? mEi paying fees impinge on holidays for DC2? That would matter for me. Fees only go one way!

I would have a great worry about a strict school though. Having had dc at two boarding schools, they let the girls be the girls. Girls were lively but they cared for each other. The teachers did not need strict rules and spend hours enforcing them. They did not have detentions! My DDs would have hated a strict school and they didn’t need it. Neither would I want them to be around so many dc who did and Sgt Major teachers. That would never be what I or they wanted.

I would not move for a private school unless it was a top day school. Also my DDs did loads of activities. Not doing them because DS has to get home isn’t really engaging with what the school has to offer. It’s a very important part of a good private school. So again, this points towards state if you are worried about the day. My DDs when boarding did longer days then this and day boarders too. Prep was done at school. Evening meal too. Those using coaches missed out on this.