To choose the local state comp over the high achieving private boys school?

[Seaofcake]

We have narrowed down our secondary school choices to two options and DH and I disagree about which one is best. DH is willing to pay for private and although it wouldn’t by any means be a drop in the ocean, we could do it.

We’ve gone round in circles with this decision. My pros and cons are below. Any advice would really be welcome.

State comp

Pros

• Mixed sex
• 10 minute drive in rush hour. He could walk or catch the bus eventually.
• Ofsted report is outstanding in all areas
• Enrichment programme
• Strict on behaviour
• 1.5 mile catchment, local kids
• Get to stay in area and younger DC can go to primary when ready.

Cons

• Less chance for trips and opportunities, will need to fight for them
• Some kids look rough when we’ve hung around during end of school day (but there is a good number of polite, decent kids too; it’s just very varied)
• Only 20% scored above 7 in English and Maths
• Strict but some rules are over the top

Private school

Pros

• Excellent GCSE and A level scores
• Excellent extra-curriculars
• Excellent and varied trips
• Well behaved, polite boys

Cons

• Boys school so limited social opportunities with girls. No contact with girls till 16
• It’s a city school with little greenery
• School finishes at 16:00 but coach gets back at 17:15 and that’s without after-school clubs
• Have to get the coach in the morning too and it leaves at 07:40 so it makes for a very long day
• If he does clubs, they finish at 17:30 but coach gets back at 18:40
• Forced to move?
• Can afford an extended semi in the city centre but it doesn’t have the greenery of our current location and we will lose the catchment of our local primary for younger DC who are due to join in a few years time

What would you do?

My kids did great at the local outstanding ofsted state school. Especially DD who left with 12 grade 9’s this summer. Polite, well behaved and respectable. You could pay for an amazing annual holiday to make up for lack of trips, though DC’s school has many to choose from.

Choose state and then decide to move if it's crap, the other way around doesn't work, moving him from private to state is harder.

@Charlotte120221

A lot of the answers on here are "state but tutor straight away" - which sounds rather sad. Either a school provides a decent education or it doesn't.

I don't think that's true. A school can be fine in general, but have a weak point, as can a student. You wouldn't tutor in all subjects, that would be ridiculous, but some 1-1 help in a weak subject (or for that matter a subject of special interest) can give a bit of dedicated time. I also wouldn't tutor straight away unless there was already a known issue.

(What does surprise me is people who pay for private and still tutor on top of that!)

Ultimately it comes down to the specific state school, and the specific private school, and the funds of the person paying.

I used to set off for school at 8am and get home at 5pm. It was a long day, with another hour’s homework. I had extra curricular stuff 2 days a week, I felt I never had time for myself. Friendships were difficult - my friends were also out of the city but in-the other direction, so well over an hour away. Local groups had their friendships from the local school, so those of us who travelled to school were seen as outsiders.

I'd go for state and use some of the money saved for tutoring if needed and extra holidays/travel as a family

How does your State option perform for prior high achievers? (I'm guessing your son is in this category).

@Neveragain35 You just have an elite state school! You are not buying it (although sport snd DofE and trips are never free) but your DC are privileged. Just not vis selection in an exam. By other means . I bet all the DC in the school don’t go on all the trips or do DofE? Just the better off ones with parents who push these things. In private schools, people like you are nearer 100% of parents. Not a minority as in your school. Or every child would be doing what yours is. Except we know they do not and cannot. It’s almost more elite to be the well off dc in the comp! Where I live the state 6th forms are full of DC driving their cars to school. Plus they run skiing holidays. Many ways to flex your wealth at a state school.

A great idea. Put the money aside because the next generation will badly need it. When I think of the high achievers in my life they all went through the state system, my good friend went private and earns the national minimum wage. Private is no guarantee of success, but money in the bank for them is a definite advantage.

I'd start with state and see how year 7 and 8 go. You have the possibility of moving him to private if it doesn't work out.

My DDs are friendly with many privately educated dc and they are all doing very well. However doing well depends on intelligence and aims in life. You then have to execute your ambition and have the confidence to do it. It’s more down to who you are and only the top schools confer much advantage but often it’s parental. Most who go to Wycombe Abbey and Winchester aren’t doing minimum wage jobs.

State all the way. You can afford to pay for other extra curriculars but an outstanding state school is going to have lots of ( mostly free) ones anyway.
I would not send a boy to an all boys school either

DD’s best friend gets sent off to the private school 15 miles away - she’s a smart, smart kid who would excel anywhere.
she leaves at 7am - home at 6pm. No school friends live near her, her freedom has essentially be curtailed - she has so much less independence as she doesn’t have local friend anymore, can’t walk to school, is bussed everywhere and has every minute scheduled.
To what end? She’s going to be the kid with all 9s regardless.

Outstanding state schools are so rare these days. I’d give it a try. You can supplement the trips yourself. And if it doesn’t work out you can move him.

State. He can walk and can do hobbies/sports outside of school. Save up some of the money not spent on fees for university or training.

Reading this I would go private. If your local state is like ours, unless you are top set the behaviour in lessons is poor which means it's harder for those even if they are engaged with learning.

We had a very similar dilemma and I did a thread on here. In our case a family member offered to pay the fees which made the decision all the harder.

Fast forward a few months and ds has just started in the state at y7 and no regrets so far. If we had serious concerns about the state option we would have gone the other way but we didn’t, and still don’t.

I’d choose the private option without hesitation. You are fooling yourself if you think the state alternative is even in the same ballpark.

Just a bit of perspective on the 'no contact with girls until 16" thing as someone that had 2 boys go through a similar setup. One, this really isn't true ime these days with snapchat etc. and they go to parties with girls from the state achools, meet girls via mates at the state schools, snapchat, Reading etc lo g before sizth form. And two, they're not really interested in or ready for girlfriends etc until nearer that age anyway. Massive generalisation but 12-14y old boys generally only care about sports/games/hobbies/their mates - for that phase of early adolescence anyway!

I work in a state school. I see what goes on daily. It may be where I live, but my god I'm glad we can afford private. I think you would be very shocked to spend a day in my school in a smallish, relatively rural market town.

Your local state school sounds good and there are very many sound reasons for choosing it - a short commute, local friends, good results, mixed education, free!

You can always move to the private school later. It would be harder to do it the other way round.

State. If he's a sensible conscientious boy he will do fine in his GCSEs . An Outstanding school is required to support all abilities well.

The shorter travelling should be beneficial in terms of time to do homework etc.

Spend the money on the trips that you actually want him to do, and are educational, rather than paying for school trips as they occur.

Parents influence is the biggest influence on academic success. If you support his schooling he will do perfectly well ion a good state school. Like the many other bright kids from well supported homes.

(I assume he is bright as you are considering a high achieving private school that is presumably selective?)

Does the private school not have green sports pitches? How can it have no greenery?

Is DS going to struggle at the private school academically? Or be very secure academically? Will he miss his friends? Presumably some would move to the state with him? How are his interests met at each school? I assume he’s not bothered about girls yet? Does he make sound judgement regarding friends or are the wrong dc likely to be of interest? Is he up for a strict state school? Are you?

It’s rather silly to say that Winchester etc confer the advantage when fees are what £50k per child per annum?! It’s the wealthy family that confers the advantage not the school.

Private.
I am a teacher and sadly state schools are underfunded. You may start your DC at the state school and next year it is suddenly a failing school. If I had the money it would be private

@TizerorFizz believe me it is not elite, it is a bog standard run of the mill state school, I know, I’ve worked in a lot of them!

The school I work at is 44% pupil premium. We still do DodE, the PP kids get funding to help. Our Y8 rugby team just beat the local grammar! We run a wide range of clubs.

Ypu seem to think I want my DC to go to a school from families that are just like ours, whatever you think that is. I am glad my DC get to socialise with a genuine cross section of our local community- some of their friends love on benefits, some of them live in massive houses and go on ski trips every year.

The assumptions about state schools on Mumsnet are gobsmacking. Can I remind you that 93% of children in this country go to state schools. You are the minority.